Happy Halloweenie

77-Year-Old Gets Carded in Beer Purchase

He may look young for his age, but 77-year-old Swedish retiree Per-Eric Henricsson was not flattered when his local supermarket asked him to show ID to prove that he was old enough to buy a case of beer.
Now, Henricsson has asked the National Association of Senior Citizens for help in pressing the ICA supermarket in Gallivare, northern Sweden, to stop carding the elderly.
"It is ridiculous. I have been a customer at ICA for more than 40 years and they know me," Henricsson told The Associated Press on Tuesday.
The minimum age for buying low-alcohol beer and cider in Swedish supermarkets is 18. Beer with higher alcohol content, wine and spirits are sold in government-operated liquor stores, where 20 is the age limit.
Henricsson had planned to buy a case of beer for a social gathering of the local senior citizens group he leads when the cashier asked for his ID. He said he was so insulted by the request that he refused to make the purchase and left the store.
Supermarket manager Lars Hakan Olofsson said the cashier followed the store's policy to demand ID from all customers buying alcohol because it is difficult to guess people's ages.
"I want to make it easier for my staff," he said, adding that several other supermarkets in the area have similar policies.

Brew Crew 0 vs TBD 54 - 102807

Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and hit a tree near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 early Monday morning.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38 of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking the tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we might have been dead," said Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world," said Deputy Snyder, "but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened."

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught, "and did anyone think to get them from the truck."

Here is a fellow with a strange and freaky fetish, he pleaded guilty Thursday to stealing more than 1,500 pairs of girls’ shoes from area schools in a deal that calls for prosecutors to recommend probation. Erik D. Heinrich, 26, of Kenosha pleaded guilty to three counts of burglary and was scheduled for sentencing Oct. 23. He told police he did it for sexual gratification.

He was arrested May 24 after a security video showed him entering North High School on May 20 and leaving with some items. Police tracked him through his vehicle registration, searched his home and a rented storage unit and found the shoes. Police have said Heinrich worked for a cable company and collected keys to the schools as he responded to calls. He used the keys to burglarize three Waukesha public high schools and one middle school six times during the past two years, according to a criminal complaint.

Police discovered the break-in at North High School after several female students reported that the locks on their lockers had been cut and their shoes stolen. Heinrich has a previous shoe-stealing conviction, in 2005, that was dismissed at prosecutors’ request after he completed a year of probation, counseling and 50 hours of community service.

That's a Big Twinkie

Man found in public bathroom with blow-up doll gets arrested

A Cedar Rapids man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after police said he was found in a compromising position with an inflatable doll in a public restroom.At 12:47 p.m., Craig S. McCullough, 47, 828 Eighth Ave. SW, was found lying on the floor in a bathroom inside the Hach building, 401 First St. Se, by a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent, according to the official complaint filed against him.According to the criminal complaint, the man had his pants down “lying next to an anatomically correct inflatable doll.”The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency has an office in the Hach Building. Special Agent David Hoagland, who found McCullough, could not comment on the incident.McCullough remained in the Linn County Jail Thursday afternoon on a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure.McCullough was convicted in 2004 of burglarizing Just For Me bridal boutique, 709 Third Ave. SE. Officers found him in a nearby alley carrying a mannequin wearing a bridal dress shortly after the burglary occurred.

T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. stands for Tests With Inorganic Noxious Kakes In Extreme Situations.

Bank Pushes Mumbai's Prostitutes to Save

In the heart of Mumbai's red light district, several prostitutes sit on brown plastic chairs in a narrow room waiting to do something many have never been able to do before: deposit their savings in a bank.
The small bank is the initiative of the sex workers and aims to help them break the vicious cycle of poverty and exploitation that keeps them indebted to brothel owners.
The simple act of squirreling away some money was previously out of reach for many customers of the Sangini Women's Cooperative Bank. Prostitutes are often shunned by regular banks or lack residence documents or birth certificates officially required to open an account in India.
Now, for the last three months, they have been able to enter the bank daily to deposit an average of 10 to 20 rupees (25 to 50 cents) and dream of things they will do as their savings grow.
"We may not have house papers, but we also dream," said Indra Jai, 40, who was lured from a southern village 20 years ago with promises of a job in Mumbai and then forced into prostitution. "We should get respect; our money is also good."
Jai said she dreams of buying a small house and a tailor shop in her village and paying for her 19-year-old son's college education.
The government estimates there are 3 million prostitutes in India, many of whom start as children lured by traffickers. Others are teenagers sold by impoverished family members to brothel owners.
They spend up to five years working for free in dingy, airless rooms to repay the brothel owner's investment. To survive they often turn to moneylenders charging exorbitant interest rates and drive themselves further into debt and dependance.
Thoughts of breaking the cycle drive the bank's more than 900 customers.
"If we fall ill who will look after us? We must save when we are still earning," said Jai, a founding member of the bank.
The bank _ three narrow rooms that also house a cooperative store _ is filled with women, some queuing up in front of a teller, others shopping for soap, food, grains and condoms.
Mumbai's prostitutes began a women's cooperative group two years ago with support from PSI, a Washington-based nonprofit organization. The bank and store were launched with $40,000 in funding from PSI.
"We thought it would take a year to get 100 customers, but we opened more than 100 accounts on day one," said Shilpa Merchant, PSI's Mumbai director.
Guided by PSI, the bank invests daily deposits totaling 25,000 rupees ($625) in fixed savings schemes with state-run banks earning 9.5 percent interest per year.
The women say entering the bank every day helps them hold onto their dreams.
"Sometimes I think my life is a waste," said Gulabja Sheikh, 35, who was sold at 15 by her parents. "But now I have my house to work for."

No can do! Court fines bare-breasted Aussie barmaid

CANBERRA - An Australian barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, police said on Wednesday.
Police in Western Australia said the 31-year old barmaid pleaded guilty in the local magistrate's court to twice exposing her breasts to patrons at the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, south of the state capital, Perth.
The woman "is alleged to have also crushed beer cans between her breasts during one of the offences", in breach of hotel licensing laws, police from the Peel district of Western Australia said in a statement.
The barmaid and the hotel manager were both fined A$1,000 ($900), while an off-duty barmaid was fined A$500 for helping to hang spoons from the woman's nipples, police said.
"It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behavior in our licensed premises," local police superintendent David Parkinson said.

In the northern Albanian countryside, about 40 women still practice an ancient tradition as "sworn virgins," who are young females who renounce sex forever in exchange for being treated as men, according to an August Washington Post interview of Elvira Dones, an Albanian native who recently completed a documentary on the subject. The oath is usually taken in front of a town's elders, and the likeliest candidates come from homes in need of a male head of household (because of death or abandonment). Even in such a male-dominated society, according to Dones, men seem to accept the "sworn virgins" as equals. In related news Spiggie-dish was spotted boarding a plane heading to Albania.

The Book Report

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" and "My Life" by Bill Clinton and turn in book reports on each of them. One sharp witted student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories and hence only one book report was required! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:

Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...

basically, the same thing.

A Riddle

You are driving in a car at a
constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is
18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side
is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you
is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot
overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and
zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to
safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer, click and drag your
mouse from star to star.

* Get your drunk-ass 0ff the merry-go-round. *

Perhaps America's most dysfunctional family, the Sextons of Ohio and Florida, made News of the Weird in May 1994, when sex abuse charges were filed against Mom Estella in Canton, Ohio, alleging that she sexually assaulted one or more of her kids, either acting alone or with husband, Eddie, who is now on death row in Florida. Son Jamie Sexton, 20, was charged in November 1996 with aggravated murder in Canton after allegedly setting a fire to kill a former friend. The month before, Jamie had testified against Estella, helping to convict her on those 13 sex-abuse counts. Eddie is still on death row, convicted of killing a son-in-law who knew that Eddie had smothered the man's baby for excessive crying. (However, the paternity of the deceased baby is in dispute, in that one or more of the Sexton kids say that their sister's baby was actually fathered either by Eddie or by one of the kids.)

Wrong Place, Wrong Time: Small-time drug operators, thinking they are keeping a low profile, continue to have their hideouts inadvertently discovered by police. In June, a single-engine plane crash-landed outside a home near Baton Rouge, La., and responding police discovered marijuana plants in the yard. [WWL-TV (New Orleans), 6-20-07]

In September in Escatawpa, Miss., Curtiss Coleman, 53, attempting to dial 411 directory assistance, mistakenly dialed 911, though he immediately hung up. However, police routinely investigate dropped-911 calls and discovered Coleman's methamphetamine lab.

Fine Points of the Law

Frederick Cronin is challenging the suspension of his New Hampshire driver's license, claiming that his blood-alcohol reading (0.13) was not properly obtained. State law calls for two readings, with the second 20 minutes after the first, and Cronin claims that his second test was administered too soon. During the 20-minute period, he said, he had burped, and state law requires the 20-minute delay to restart following any "vomit[ing], regurgitat[ing] or belch[ing." However, in June, a hearing examiner accepted the ticketing officer's testimony that Cronin never "belch[ed]" but rather emitted only a "dry burp," which the examiner described as air emanating not from the stomach but from closer to the mouth.

Similarities Between Strippers and Vending Machines

• Both require a steady input of dollar bills.

• Both have two different sized slots to insert things.

• To get what you want all you have to do is pay the right amount and press the right buttons.

• If they don’t give you what you want, you have to shake them.

• It’s usually a bad idea to have sex with them.

• Sometimes they have nuts

Brewer Offers Lifetime of Beer for Laptop

The Associated Press

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A New Zealand brewer is offering a lifetime supply of free beer in exchange for the return of a laptop stolen in a break-in.

Croucher Brewing Co. co-owner Paul Croucher said Friday the computer contains "all our financials" as well as label designs for new beers and business contacts.

"So we decided that if anyone does come into possession of it we'll be happy to offer them a reward , a dozen (bottles) of beer a month for the rest of their life," he said.

Croucher estimated the total value would likely be about $19,500 for a lifetime of beer. Since making the offer, "plenty of people" had called to say they were looking for the computer, he said.

"Opportunistic kids and a flimsy padlock" resulted in the theft, he said.

Coucher said he was optimistic the free beer offer would lead to the return of the stolen computer. "We'd love it back. We're at such a critical stage in our little business that every hit like that is quite big," he said.

The microbrewery in the central North Island tourist town of Rotorua currently ships 160 gallons of its three beers , an English-style pale ale, Czech-style pilsner and a cloudy German wheat beer , each week.

New Zealand winemaker Montana called to warn the brewery owners to make sure the terms of their free beer reward were precise. The winery had a difficult legal wrangle with the winner of an offer of five years' free wine who tried to extend the supply.

Enough Said....

Beer is Good

Scranton woman cited for cursing at toilet

Talk about a potty mouth.

A Scranton woman who allegedly shouted profanities at her overflowing toilet within earshot of a neighbor was cited for disorderly conduct.

Dawn Herb could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300.

"It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," Herb told The Times-Tribune of Scranton. "The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop."

Herb doesn't recall exactly what she said, but she admitted letting more than a few choice words fly near an open bathroom window Thursday night.

Her next-door neighbor, a city police officer who was off-duty at the time, asked her to keep it down, police said. When she continued, the officer called police, who charged Herb with disorderly conduct.

Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union in Philadelphia, took issue with the citation.

"You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet," she said. "We bring one of these cases a year and sue some police departments because they do not remember that they are not the language police."

Scranton woman cited for cursing at toilet

The Associated Press

12:55 PM EDT, October 16, 2007

SCRANTON, Pa. (AP)

Talk about a potty mouth.

A Scranton woman who allegedly shouted profanities at her overflowing toilet within earshot of a neighbor was cited for disorderly conduct.

Dawn Herb could face up to 90 days in jail and a fine of up to $300.

"It doesn't make any sense. I was in my house. It's not like I was outside or drunk," Herb told The Times-Tribune of Scranton. "The toilet was overflowing and leaking down into the kitchen and I was yelling (for my daughter) to get the mop."

Herb doesn't recall exactly what she said, but she admitted letting more than a few choice words fly near an open bathroom window Thursday night.

Her next-door neighbor, a city police officer who was off-duty at the time, asked her to keep it down, police said. When she continued, the officer called police, who charged Herb with disorderly conduct.

Mary Catherine Roper, an attorney with the American Civil Liberties Union in Philadelphia, took issue with the citation.

"You can't prosecute somebody for swearing at a cop or a toilet," she said. "We bring one of these cases a year and sue some police departments because they do not remember that they are not the language police."

Oriental Eye Exam

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.

It works!

Toilet-Shaped House

The Toilet-Shaped House has a very unique design, and was built by Sim Jae-duck, the chairman of the organizing committee of the Inaugural General Assembly of the World Toilet Association, and he hopes his toilet house will highlight the global need for better sanitation.. The Toilet-Shaped house is in fact named Haewoojae, which signifies in Korean “a place of sanctuary where one can solve one’s worries“. Sim Jae-duck will open what is billed as the world’s one and only toilet house on November 11 to mark the launch of his World Toilet Association.
The steel, white concrete and glass house, with a symbolic opening in the roof, will be ready to receive visitors next month, said the World Toilet Association in a statement. The house is a 419sq m structure with two bedrooms, two guestrooms and other rooms, the two-storey house of course features three deluxe toilets. Unlike the giant “toilet” in which they are located, they will not be see-through affairs. If you would like to visit this house you can go to Sim Jae-duck native city of Suweon, 40km south of Seoul.

Have you ever wondered how lettuce gets to you?

Here we get a glimpse into the secretive world of lettuce-transportation, as the lettuce-dogs of Fuzhou, China, go about their daily work.
While some parts of the world are shifting away from a dog-based model, and you will rarely see a lettuce-dog in the US outside of Yeehaw Junction, Florida, China still transports over 99% of its lettuce by dog.
Note that the dog on the left is transporting what appears to be a courgette. This is normal for dogs who are still in their training period - 'pale fronds', in the jargon of lettucewrangling - or who have been demoted as a punishment for dumb insolence.
The Brew Crew now hopes you now know more about lettuce.

Mugger captured after toe licking

A mugger in America was arrested after ignoring rule number 1 of mugging: after robbing your victim, don't stop to lick their toes before making a quick getaway.
Commander Kevin Casper called the incident, in St. Paul, Minnesota, 'weird sexual behavior.'
The incident occurred when a 24-year-old woman was leaving work around 1a.m. on Saturday. The suspect, a 27-year-old man, approached her and demanded her keys and phone, according to authorities.
After that, instead of running away like you're supposed to, he took time out to remove her shoes and licked her toes.
The woman was not hurt, police said.
Police arrested the man a few minutes later about four blocks away. The woman identified the suspect, and police were able to recover her keys and phone.
The man was in custody, but it was not clear whether he had been formally charged.

Drunk, nude ambassador recalled

Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador, after he did his bit for diplomatic relations by being found by police drunk, nearly naked, bound, gagged and wearing a number of sex toys and bondage items.
Although Tzuriel Refael did not break any specific laws - he was in the yard of his residence when he was found – Israel announced that it was recalling him, and seeking a replacement.
'We're talking about behaviour that is unbecoming of a diplomat,' said Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Zehavit Ben-Hillel.
Refael was discovered by police two weeks ago in the yard of the Israeli embassy compound. He had been tied up, and was naked except for a variety of sex accessories. He was only able to identify himself to the police once they had removed a rubber ball from his mouth.
Mr Refael had been ambassador for six months. It was his first post as ambassador, following a long diplomatic career.
Tzuriel Refael's indiscretion is just the latest in a series of impressive adventures from members of the Israeli diplomatic service. In 2000, their French ambassador died in a Paris hotel, of a heart attack, in mysterious circumstances that the authorities refused to disclose – although there were media reports that a woman who wasn't his wife was involved.
And in 2005, a diplomatic appointment to Australia was cancelled after it was discovered the man had posted pictures of naked Brazilian ladies on the internet while he was on a diplomatic mission in Brazil.

Nude man in gas-mask at large

Police in Massachusetts are hunting a mysterious naked man, who was seen by several witnesses wandering around town wearing nothing but a gas mask.
The nakedness was first observed by a witness at about 9.40pm last Thursday, when a motorist spotted the naked gas mask guy lurking in the entrance of a building in Newton, Massachusetts.
When the witness pulled up in their truck, the man fled, naked, down an alley.
The naked man and his gas mask were next reported when a woman heard her doorbell ring. Looking out through her door's peephole, she noticed that the person who'd rung her doorbell was naked, and wearing a gas mask.
Authorities believe that it may have been the same naked gas mask-wearing guy.
The gas mask-wearer is described as approximately 30 years old, 6 foot tall, around 14 stone, and naked.
Police say that no arrests of naked people wearing gas masks were made. It is not known if the naked gas mask-wearing man will is still naked, or wearing a gas mask.

95-year-old woman gets the horn

A 95 year old woman from Zhanjiang, south China, has sprouted a 12 centimetre long horn on her forehead.
The horn first grew in 2003 and has grown progressively bigger and bigger, taking over the poor woman's face.
Doctors are baffled by the protrusion - and can only speculate that Xiou Ling is suffering a hormone imbalance.
Her family are currently saving up for treatment to remove it.

Hospital Gives Man Drip-Feed of Vodka

BRISBANE, Australia - Doctors plugged an Italian tourist into a drip-feed of vodka to save him at a hospital in Australia that ran out of the medicinal alcohol it would normally have used for treatment.
The 24-year-old Italian, who was not further identified, was brought to Mackay Base Hospital in northeastern Queesland state and was diagnosed as having ingested a large quantity of ethylene glycol, a common ingredient of antifreeze that can cause renal failure.
Pure alcohol is often given in treating such cases because it can inhibit the toxic effects of ethylene glycol.
Mackay Base Hospital Dr. Pascal Gelperowicz said the man was given pharmaceutical-grade alcohol when he arrived, but that the hospital's supplies soon ran out.
"We quickly used all the available vials of 100 per cent alcohol and decided the next best way to get alcohol into the man's system was by feeding him spirits through a naso gastric tube," Dr. Gelperowicz said in a statement.
"The patient was drip-fed about three standard drinks an hour for three days in the intensive care unit," he said. "The hospital's administrators were also very understanding when we explained our reasons for buying a case of vodka."
The patient, was believed to have ingested the poison in an attempt at self-harm, made a successful recover. The incident occurred about two months ago, though the hospital just released information on the case.

Cambodian Police Take Cow Into Custody

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia - A Cambodian cow was taken into police custody for causing traffic accidents that resulted in the deaths of at least six people this year, a police official said Tuesday.
The cow's owner could also face a six-month prison term under a new traffic law that holds people responsible for accidents caused by their animals, said Pin Doman, a police chief on the outskirts of Cambodia's capital, Phnom Penh.
The white, 5-foot tall cow was standing in the middle of a main road Monday night when a 66-year-old motorcyclist crashed into the animal and died. Most Cambodian roads are dark at night.
Earlier this year, the same cow was responsible for another traffic accident that resulted in the death of five people and several injuries, when a truck veered off the road and crashed as its driver tried to avoid the animal.
Pin Doman said he was holding the cow at his police station.
He said the cow's owner had been warned four times in the past to keep his cattle leashed and could face prison time if relatives of those who died initiate legal proceedings.

Brain Found in Bag Near Richmond, Va.

RICHMOND, Va. - A brain was found in a bag near an apartment complex Tuesday morning, but it wasn't clear if it was human or animal, police said. It was discovered in an area next to a suburban Richmond apartment complex under construction and near a mall, Richmond police spokeswoman Karla Peters said.
The state medical examiner was examining the brain, she said. It wasn't clear how long it had been there.
"We're waiting for the medical examiner to determine how we should proceed," Peters said.

Maybe, "Shawn of the Dead" dropped his dinner?

Are you Gay?

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudgepacker.

Have fun talking when you are drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionality
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Charges dropped against U.S. woman in sherry enema death

ANGLETON, Texas: Negligent homicide charges have been dropped against a woman in the U.S. state of Texas whose husband died after she gave him a sherry enema that led to alcohol poisoning.

Court records show the charge against Tammy Jean Warner, 45, was dismissed Aug. 31 because of insufficient evidence.

Michael Warner, 58, died May 21, 2004. An autopsy showed he had been given an enema with enough sherry to have a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent, almost six times the legal limit of .08 percent in Texas.

Tammy Warner has told the Houston Chronicle that her husband was addicted to enemas and often used alcohol in them to get drunk.

In local related news Twinkee's wife was seen walking into a ABC liquors with a bag of syringes.

Sexy Girls Making Beer - Watch more amazing videos here

W.Va. Man Flees Police on Lawnmower

MARTINSBURG, W.Va. - A man accused of drunken driving tried to outrun the police but his vehicle wasn't up to the task.
Roy Griffs of Bunker Hill was driving a riding lawnmower on Runnymeade Road about a mile from his home when a Berkeley County sheriff's deputy attempted to pull him over. Griffs, 39, allegedly sped away and Deputy J.H. Jenkins stopped his cruiser and gave chase on foot, according to magistrate court records.
Jenkins caught up to the lawnmower after a short chase but Griffs allegedly wouldn't stop so the deputy pulled him off the machine. Griffs refused to take a field sobriety test and stated he was late for a soccer game and was arrested. Jenkins then found a case of beer strapped to the lawnmower's front, Griffs said he was responsible for refreshments after the game court records show.
Griffs was charged with fleeing while driving under the influence and obstructing an officer. He was being held Tuesday at the Eastern Regional Jail on $7,500 bond.
A person who answered the phone at the jail did not know whether Griffs had hired an attorney and said “bite me”. There was no telephone listing for Griffs in the Bunker Hill area.

Sleepwalking woman had sex with strangers

Sleep medicine experts have successfully treated a rare case of a woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking.
The behaviour had disrupted the lives of the woman and her partner. At night while asleep, the middle-aged sleepwalker - who lives in Australia and cannot be identified for reasons of confidentiality - left her house and had sexual intercourse with strangers. The behaviour continued for several months and the woman had no memory of her nocturnal activities.
Circumstantial evidence, such as condoms found scattered around the house, alerted the couple to the problem. On one occasion, her partner awoke to find her missing, went searching for her and found her engaged in the sex act.
“Incredulity is the leading player in cases like this,” says Peter Buchanan, the sleep physician at the Woolcock Institute of Medical Research in Sydney, who handled the case. But a combination of factors convinced him that the case was a real sleepwalking phenomenon, including the distress of the couple, and an in-depth clinical evaluation.

However, Roger Allen, a sleep specialist in private practice in Brisbane is sceptical. “Sex is a primal behaviour so it’s not impossible - men have erections in their sleep after all - but this case involved such complex behaviour it seems less likely.” He also points out that eliminating psychiatric conditions as a cause of the behaviour would be difficult.

Letter's from the Miami Duh-fins!!!!

(Click on letter to read)

You’re marketing my leg!

Amputee, opportunist wrangle over custody of limb left in barbecue smoker

MAIDEN, N.C. - A South Carolina man who stored his severed leg in a barbecue smoker that was later auctioned off is locked in a custody dispute with the North Carolina man who found it.
John Wood's leg was amputated near the knee after a 2004 airplane crash. He asked doctors to give it to him so he could be buried as a whole man when he died.
The limb, which Wood had kept in the smoker in a storage facility after he lost his home, was bought by Shannon Whisnant last Tuesday in an auction held by the storage company because Wood had missed his monthly payments.
Whisnant initially gave it to police, who subsequently turned it over to a funeral home when it became clear it was not the result of foul play.
But Whisnant, who put a sign on the empty smoker charging adults $3 and children $1 for a look, now wants the leg back.
"He's making a freak show out of it," Wood told The Charlotte Observer for a Monday story. "He wants to put money in his pocket with this thing."
Whisnant, who was unsuccessful in his bid to get the leg from the funeral home, consulted with a lawyer and decided his best move was to persuade Wood to share custody and profits.
"It's a strange incident, and Halloween's just around the corner," Whisnant said. "The price will be going up if I get (a stake in) the leg."
Wood, who is heading to Maiden to pick up his leg, said the two men can meet, but he is not interested in using the leg to make money.
"I just think it's despicable," he said. "I don't mind having the 15 minutes of fame, but I'm not looking to really profit off this thing."

Feds Raid Pot-Laced-Candy Factory

By PAUL ELIAS
Associated Press Writer

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Federal agents said Thursday they shut down a factory that made marijuana-laced barbecue sauce, chocolate-covered pretzels and other "enhanced" snacks intended for medical users of the drug.

The Drug Enforcement Administration said it arrested three people Wednesday and was looking for a fourth who operated Oakland-based Tainted Inc.

Agents also seized 460 marijuana plants and other laced products including candy bars, cookies, Moon Pies, ice cream, peanut butter, jelly, energy drinks and "Rice Krispy treats."

Tainted Inc. was launched by Michael Martin, 33, of El Sobrante as a small operation that made laced chocolate truffles. When it was raided Wednesday, the company was shipping products to medical marijuana dispensaries throughout California and in Seattle; Vancouver, British Columbia; and Amsterdam.

Authorities said the operation also had ties to Los Angeles pot clubs and believe it has ordered four tons of chocolate over the past two years to make marijuana-laced candy.

Those arrested were Jessica Sanders, Michael Anderson and Diallo McLinn. Martin is a fugitive, authorities said.

The raids of the factory and four Bay Area houses came after a two-year investigation and growing police concern that the legalization of medicinal marijuana in several states has caused a proliferation of large-scale marijuana-lacing operations.

Laced snacks are often more potent and longer lasting than smoked marijuana. Federal authorities contend that marijuana is an illegal drug, no matter how it used or who uses it, and they don't honor the state laws.

"This appears to be represent, once again, the federal government taking umbrage with the fact that California has legalized medical marijuana for medical patients," Sanders' attorney, Randolph Daar, told the San Francisco Chronicle. Lawyers from Merrigan, Merrigan Fat Boys for McLinn and Anderson had no comment.

A call to the company Friday was not returned.

Several people who ran a marijuana-lacing operation called Beyond Bomb that produced such products as Stoney Rancher, Rasta Reese's and Keef Kat pleaded guilty this year in Oakland federal court to marijuana charges. Beyond Bomb's founder Kenneth Affolter was sentenced to nearly six years in prison.

"These items could have harmful effects on a user, especially the unsuspecting ones," DEA agent Javier Pena said. "We will continue to shut down these production lines, one marijuana-candy factory at a time."