Dating a Porn Star

Porn Stars Need Love, Too…

Don’t…
try to have sex with her immediately.
You wouldn’t meet a dentist and immediately ask her to clean your teeth. You wouldn’t meet a lawyer and ask her to represent you in your DUI case on the first date. Think about whatever is you do for a living and then how annoying it is when someone asks you to do them a professional favor on your free time. She’s is going to feel the same way, which means you’re going to have to woo her just like every other girl you date…with drugs and alcohol.

Do…
take her out for ice cream.
Sure, why not? Ice cream is nice. Ice cream is harmless. She’ll think you’re sweet and don’t recognize her. Ice cream makes you thirsty too, which gives you the perfect opportunity to slip a roofie in her drink so you can avoid all that other bullshit.

Don’t…
tell her how often you jerk-off to her movies.
If you find yourself on an elevator with the girl from Anal Angels, bringing that up is just going to remind her of her impending trip to the proctologist.

Do…
tell her how much you loved her performance in (insert mainstream movie here).
Of course there are some porn starlets who want to be porn stars, but I’m willing to bet that for most thier original intention was to be a movie star in big Hollywood, Michael-Mann-directed blockbusters and there will no doubt be at least one credit to her name. You don’t even have to know what it is. Just say, “Hey weren’t you in, um oh what was that movie…with that guy…ahhh crap, I’m drawing a blank.” She’ll fill in the rest and you’ll be a hero for “knowing”.

Don’t…
ask her how she got into the business, how many she’s had at once, or does she truly enjoy double penetration.
Yes, of course those are the only questions you really want answered, but remember we’re trying to treat these ladies with respect.

Do…
ask her if she has a puppy.
Because chicks dig puppies.

Don’t…
ask her if she’ll have a threesome with you and your friend.
Sure it’s probably the best chance most of would ever get, but even if she’s into it you’re better off if you…

Do…
ask her if she would like to meet your wife and have dinner.
She’ll be flattered that you want her to be a part of your family and your wife may be so impressed and starstruck that SHE may just initiate that threesome. Remember we’re trying to treat these actresses as ladies. If you initiate this it’s probably going to be frowned upon. If your wife initiates it, it’s cute. It’s a long shot, yes, but still about the only chance I would ever have. And a long shot at a threesome with my wife and hot porn actress is still much better than a good chance of being that close to my friend’s hairy balls.

Don’t…
ask her if she can hook you up with a free cast replica of her vagina.
That would just be awkward and pathetic. Buy it you cheap bastard.

Do…
buy one and ask her to autograph it.
Wouldn’t it be great to have an autographed silicone vagina though, and that wouldn’t be awkward at all. She’ll probably be flattered and overcome with horniness as most women are when someone flatters them.

And whatever you do, in the unlikely event that you bed her, don’t…
ask her how your penis or performance compares to that of any of her male counterparts.
Just remember it for what it is. You don’t really want to know the answer to that do you?