1. Can't stop worrying about Britney
2. Hide-a-Bed too well hidden
3. Keep hitting speed bumps
4. Larry King won't stop snoring
5. Can't get those Nazi war crimes out of your head
6. That guard keeps shining his goddamn flashlight in your eyes
7. Person in next hostel bunk won't stop crying out in Afrikaans
8. Severed horse head is hogging the covers
9. Couldn't turn down that third helping of cocaine
10. Some woman keeps having sex with you
11. Mistakenly set white noise machine to "Panicked Cattle at Slaughterhouse"
12. Overcome by polar bear guilt
13. You'll sleep when you're dead, or in 20 minutes—whichever comes first
14. Breast and ass implants make it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position
15. Determined to watch every last bit of cheetah-attack footage on YouTube
16. Still angry over the Sopranos finale
17. You smoke in bed—specifically, hickory bacon
18. People keep barging into your ATM vestibule
19. Next-door neighbor is hosting a live performance of Drumline
20. Discovered the Magic Fingers bed you've been enjoying has never actually been plugged in
21. Pajama ass-flap keeps flopping open adorably
22. You're the world's biggest fan of whatever piece of shit is on TV at 3 a.m.
23. Kitschy Virgin Mary night-light from Urban Outfitters suddenly seems in poor taste
24. Shouldn't have caught the Faces of Death marathon on cable
25. Tomorrow you will finally realize your dream: sex with Richard Belzer
1 comment:
How 'bout bed spinning even though both feet are on the floor
Post a Comment