http://www.fhm.com/site/100sexiest/default.aspx?countryid=1&categoryid=2041

Berman has a meltdown

Sport Science, a show on FOX Sports that delves into the scientific mysteries of sports, unlocks a real brain twister in this video. For generations, the greatest human minds have wondered, "Will a man's heart rate go up if he thinks he's going to get hit in the testicles?" In order to navigate this labyrinthine scientific problem, they fired a tennis ball at 50 mph into a guy's balls, scientifically proving that guys getting hit in the balls is absolutely hilarious.

HOWARD U. COACH SOLICITS 13-YEAR-OLD

Joseph Okoh, coach of the Howard University men's soccer team, has an uncertain future with the college now that he's been arrested for soliciting sex from what he thought was a 13-year-old girl.

Okoh, 40, was arrested Friday and charged with one felony count of using a communications system to solicit a person under 15 years old with lascivious intent...

The Louisa County Sheriff's Office said Okoh traveled from his home in Arlington for the purpose of engaging in sexual activity with a person he thought was a 13-year-old girl. The person was actually an undercover deputy.

Running With The Devil Vocals Only

I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than beer.
The stuff that the corner bar has on tap,
With golden base and snowy cap.
The stuff that I can drink all day
Until my mem'ry melts away.
Poems are made by fools, I fear
But only Anheuser can make a beer.

Germans Brew Beers for Jews, No Menstruating Women Involved Wednesday, December 19th, 2007. at 08:05 AM

Having tapped the local beer market for all it is worth, German brewers have begun making kosher beer for Jews and a halaal, alcohol-free version for Muslims in a search for new clients.

In the land of Berliner Kindl, Beck's and Loewenbrau, the kosher version stands out with the name "Simcha" and a Star of David on its blue and gold label. "The name means 'joy' in Hebrew," said Ludwig Hoernlein, a brewer in Hartmannsdorf.

A certificate on the brewery wall, signed by Rabbi Yitshak Ehrenberg from Berlin, attests that the beer is produced in accordance with Judaic dietary rules but warns that it is not suitable for Passover.

He explained that "Simcha", a white pilsner with its alcohol content of 4.9 percent, may not come into contact with a drop of beer produced the traditional German way. A 30-ton silo at the brewery is reserved exclusively for kosher grains. The barley and hops are grown organically in Bavaria, the yeast used to ferment it is made at the brewery and the water comes from local springs.

In accordance with Jewish food rules, the barley may not have been grown during the Passover period and pregnant or menstruating women may not be involved in the production.

Said Hoernlein, "It proves that beer brings people together."

Redneck games may not return

Official: Backers lost money in vets' fundraiser

By Tim Hearden (Contact)
Sunday, January 20, 2008

Red Bluff may not be a place for rednecks after all.

The Redneck Championships, which featured such quirky events as lawn mower races and a mud-pit belly flop contest, likely won't return to the Tehama District Fair grounds this summer.

The event in early June was meant to be a veterans' fundraiser, but organizers lost so much money that they decided not to do it again, fairgrounds CEO Mark Eidman said last week.

"It was a really fun event," Eidman said. "It was one of those that I thought would grow. Everybody laughed, but I thought in a couple of years that that would be our trademark."

Eidman said that "unless somebody picks it up," the event will be scratched.

The three-day festival June 8 to 10 featured more than 20 unique events. Many were sanctioned tournaments, such as for arm wrestling, shuffleboard and paintball. Others were zany attractions, such as a "roadkill barbecue" and the belly flop contest.

Attendees also saw truck and tractor pulls, mechanical bull riding, an "ugly redneck truck competition," a Rocky Mountain oyster eating contest and a banjo championship.

The festival was created by a group of veterans during a houseboat outing on Lake Shasta. The group had hoped the Redneck Championships would raise $30,000 for a disabled veterans organization.

A phone number for event coordinator Stan Kulak was disconnected, and he could not be reached last week for comment.

Eidman said he might have managed the games a little differently if he had been in charge. For one thing, the organizers paid too much to put on certain events, such as the banjo championships, for which three contestants got to split $5,000 in prize money.

"You just can't do that," Eidman said. "The strongman competition was really good. The lawn mower competition was really fun, and the mud flop was really fun.

"There's a lot of that that could be done at a fairly low cost and still draw some people in," he said. "I'd like to see a little more music, even if it's just local bands."

Eidman said he considered proposing that the fairgrounds manage the event, but "we've got so much going on, we really don't need to or want to" take on more.

JOHN RAMBO

One-Sentence Summation of Franchise
If a one-man killing machine suddenly goes crazy, it would be best not to mess with him, even if you've got a ton of armed dudes with you, because he will pimp-slap the shit out of you, then stab everyone and blow up the city you're in.

Our Hero, Folks
Meet John Rambo: Special Forces veteran, Vietnam POW and sufferer of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He can survive in a forest for months with only an old tarp and a hunting knife, and he can kill you in 17 interesting and horrifying ways just by shaking your hand.

In the words of Rambo First Blood Part II's tagline: "They sent him on a mission and set him up to fail. But they made one mistake. They forgot they were dealing with Rambo." In other words, Rambo is a lot like Dr. Dre: you should never, ever forget about him. Similarly, nor should you talk about guns like he ain't got none. (Rambo does have guns.)

Dating a Porn Star

Porn Stars Need Love, Too…

Don’t…
try to have sex with her immediately.
You wouldn’t meet a dentist and immediately ask her to clean your teeth. You wouldn’t meet a lawyer and ask her to represent you in your DUI case on the first date. Think about whatever is you do for a living and then how annoying it is when someone asks you to do them a professional favor on your free time. She’s is going to feel the same way, which means you’re going to have to woo her just like every other girl you date…with drugs and alcohol.

Do…
take her out for ice cream.
Sure, why not? Ice cream is nice. Ice cream is harmless. She’ll think you’re sweet and don’t recognize her. Ice cream makes you thirsty too, which gives you the perfect opportunity to slip a roofie in her drink so you can avoid all that other bullshit.

Don’t…
tell her how often you jerk-off to her movies.
If you find yourself on an elevator with the girl from Anal Angels, bringing that up is just going to remind her of her impending trip to the proctologist.

Do…
tell her how much you loved her performance in (insert mainstream movie here).
Of course there are some porn starlets who want to be porn stars, but I’m willing to bet that for most thier original intention was to be a movie star in big Hollywood, Michael-Mann-directed blockbusters and there will no doubt be at least one credit to her name. You don’t even have to know what it is. Just say, “Hey weren’t you in, um oh what was that movie…with that guy…ahhh crap, I’m drawing a blank.” She’ll fill in the rest and you’ll be a hero for “knowing”.

Don’t…
ask her how she got into the business, how many she’s had at once, or does she truly enjoy double penetration.
Yes, of course those are the only questions you really want answered, but remember we’re trying to treat these ladies with respect.

Do…
ask her if she has a puppy.
Because chicks dig puppies.

Don’t…
ask her if she’ll have a threesome with you and your friend.
Sure it’s probably the best chance most of would ever get, but even if she’s into it you’re better off if you…

Do…
ask her if she would like to meet your wife and have dinner.
She’ll be flattered that you want her to be a part of your family and your wife may be so impressed and starstruck that SHE may just initiate that threesome. Remember we’re trying to treat these actresses as ladies. If you initiate this it’s probably going to be frowned upon. If your wife initiates it, it’s cute. It’s a long shot, yes, but still about the only chance I would ever have. And a long shot at a threesome with my wife and hot porn actress is still much better than a good chance of being that close to my friend’s hairy balls.

Don’t…
ask her if she can hook you up with a free cast replica of her vagina.
That would just be awkward and pathetic. Buy it you cheap bastard.

Do…
buy one and ask her to autograph it.
Wouldn’t it be great to have an autographed silicone vagina though, and that wouldn’t be awkward at all. She’ll probably be flattered and overcome with horniness as most women are when someone flatters them.

And whatever you do, in the unlikely event that you bed her, don’t…
ask her how your penis or performance compares to that of any of her male counterparts.
Just remember it for what it is. You don’t really want to know the answer to that do you?

5 Sexiest Super Bowl Ads

01/18/2008

By Paul Lirette of Blame The Mascot

The Super Bowl is reverting back to its glory days this year. No, not because there's a chance Bret Favre will be playing, but because Victoria Secret announced they will be returning to the Big Game's commercial line-up for the first time since 1999.

With fond memories of the Lingerie Bowl (come on, you watched it too), and an appreciation for these hard-working, nearly-nude models, it brought to mind some of the other great libido arousing moments in Super Bowl commercial history. Here are 5 of our favorites in chronological order. (And a bonus clip.)
Cindy Crawford Drinks Pepsi (1992)


This was one of the first classic Super Bowl sex-ommercials. The spot used a tight-white-T-shirt-and-jean-short clad Cindy Crawford to make millions of guys think drinking Pepsi was cool. Which, of course, worked. Firmly raising Pepsi’s market share. Among other things.


Ali Landry Doritos (1998)

The former Miss USA showed off her award-winning chip-crunching talents as the chick that made guys bolt for the nearest laundromat. (It also featured a pre "Will and Grace" Sean Hayes, whose completely unconvincing "Ay Chihuahua," was explained once we saw his all too believable turn as the flamboyantly gay Jack.)
Watch Here


Victoria's Secret (1999)

The inspiration behind the Lingerie Bowl, this spot proves the old adage that football and thinly-veiled soft-core adult entertainment are two great tastes that taste great together. The Victoria's Secret website blew up after millions of guys wanted more of the barely clothed super models prancing around. And less of the Broncos killing the Falcons.
Watch Here (Found under 1999 tab)


Miller Lite Catfight (2003)


This commercial took the "tastes great/less filling" debate to its logical conclusion, by having two hot models tear each other's clothes off and fall into a pool. Thank god the good people at Miller Lite chose these girls and not Bob Uecker and John Madden.


Go Daddy (2004)


The initial version of this commercial (the one embedded above... you're welcome), never actually aired because of uptight sensors, but the one that did air had enough controversy and sex appeal to drive horny men across America to Go Daddy's site in hopes that for some reason she'd be there taking registrations in a white tank top.

BONUS
Grey Anatomy Shower Scene (2006)


Technically this is not a commercial but it a brilliant stroke of promotional manipulation by ABC’s marketing machine. Immediately after Super Bowl XL ended, millions of guys across the world looked up from their chip bowls in a beer-soaked haze to find the three hot female stars of Grey's Anatomy seductively lathering each other up in the shower.

I guarantee 99.8% of the guys thought they just discovered the greatest network television show in history. Unfortunately, it just turned out to be the dream of one of the male characters, and a nightmare for the guys who endured the rest of this soapy chick-TV show hoping for more. Marking the first, and probably last, time any straight male watched the show.

Lessons on how to fold a shirt

According to this Reuters report, "a crowd of mainly young- to middle-aged men shuffled by the stations to ogle hard-core movie stars and sex accessories," while porn queens like Tiffany Mynx hawked such videos as Tales from the Crack and Weapons of Ass Destruction — both of which were nominated for Oscars, I believe.

One of the more popular products on display was the Bungee Sexperience, a "fully washable" bungee contraption that allows for weightless sex and promises to "put the bounce back in your sex life." The company's website — which boats "No more crushed limbs from your partner!" (who ya bangin', Jabba the Hutt?) — also offers "factory seconds," which are new bungees, but have slight imperfections.

Picture that for a moment: asking your super to drill a hole in your ceiling so you can install your "factory seconds."

Reuters also reports on Matters of Size, an explicit DVD exercise program designed to add inches to a penis.

The five-phase program demonstrates an elaborate series of stretches, twists and rotations in painstaking order, and how many "sets" of each drill is required over the months to achieve the proper end.

Donkey Sex

Once you go giraffe you never go... biraffe. (from CollegeHumor)

Donkey Sex

Yes it's a real Park

Happy Sunday

The octopus who loves his Mr Potato Head

Louis the octopus clearly thinks two heads are better than one when it comes to toys.
The 1.8m-wide (6ft) creature is so attached to Mr Potato Head that he turns aggressive when aquarium staff try to remove it from his tank. The giant Pacific octopus was given the toy for Christmas and has even learned to dig out food hidden in a secret box at the back of it. 'He's fascinated by it,' said Matt Slater, of the Blue Reef Aquarium in Newquay, Cornwall. 'He attacks the net we use to fish the toy out every time we try to take it away.'
Mr Slater added: 'Octopuses are very intelligent and they like to be stimulated and busy.'

Masturbate-a-Thon coming to Copenhagen

COPENHAGEN -- Hot on the heels of San Francisco and London, Copenhagen is to host a Masturbate-a-Thon in May which organizers hope will help break lingering taboos about self-love, an organizer said Wednesday.
Pia Struck Madsen, a sexologist in the Danish capital, said her goal was to see men and women from all backgrounds come together -- pardon the pun -- and join an event that promises "pleasure, relaxation and sexual self-discovery".
"Masturbation is positive, safe and an erotic alternative," she told AFP ahead of the event on May 31, to take place at a yet-to-be-decided venue with separate rooms for men, women and those who don't mind mingling.
The original Masturbate-a-Thon took place in San Francisco in 1998, with participants raising money for good causes. Now an annual event, it was followed by a similar event in London in July 2006

Kan. Police Chief Who Stole Beer Fired

A small-town police chief has been fired after he was convicted of stealing beer from the fire department's refrigerator.
The city council in Wilson on Monday fired chief Brian Hill, effective Jan. 25. He has the option of a hearing within the next two weeks.
Hill was arrested Aug. 1 after a surveillance tape showed him taking the beer. He was convicted of misdemeanor theft on Dec. 26 and given probation. He had been suspended without pay pending an appeal of the conviction.
Authorities did not disclose how much beer was stolen, or why it was in the fire department. A warrant put the value of the beer at less than $1,000.
The two departments share a building, and the door separating the offices usually was unlocked, officials said.
The only person by the name of Brian Hill in the Wilson area has an unlisted phone number, so he could not be reached for comment.

Sorry Miguel, we found your replacement.

Pair Wheel Corpse to Store to Cash Check

Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.
David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the Manhattan apartment that O'Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away, spokesman Paul Browne said witnesses told police.
"The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side," Browne said.
The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.
A police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next to the check-cashing store noticed a crowd forming around Cintron's body, and "it's immediately apparent to him that Cintron is dead," Browne said.
The detective called uniformed New York Police Department officers at a nearby precinct. Emergency medical technicians arrived as O'Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron's body into the check-cashing store, Browne said. Police arrested Dalaia and O'Hare there, he said.
Cintron's body was taken to a hospital morgue. The medical examiner's office told police it appeared Cintron, 66, had died of natural causes within the previous 24 hours, Browne said.
"He was deceased in the apartment when he was removed by these two," Browne said.
Dalaia and O'Hare, both 65, were being held by police and faced check fraud charges, Browne said.
A call to a telephone number listed for Cintron at the apartment he shared with O'Hare went unanswered Tuesday evening. Police said they didn't have an address for Dalaia or attorney information for him or O'Hare.

Nica Beer Holders

"Little President for Life" glues self to bed to avoid school

A 12-year-old "Little President for Life" glued his hand to his bed to avoid going back to school after the Christmas break, authorities said Monday.
"I thought if I was glued to the bed, they couldn't make me go to school," "Little President for Life" said, "I didn't want to go, the holidays were so much fun."
"I remembered my fat dad had bought a very strong glue," he said of the industrial strength shoe glue he used to stick his hand to the bed's metal headboard, where he stayed stuck for two hours.
His father "Fat President for Life" was unable to free him and called paramedics and police to help. "Little President for Life" watched cartoons while they worked to unglue him, eventually using a spray to dissolve the chemical adhesive.
"I don't know why this happened. He is a very good boy," said his Fat Dad.
"Little President for Life" eventually made it school a few hours late. He is already planning to glue is head to his sofa for Chaunnak!!!!

Keep your eye on the balls........

Finally a beer opener

Midget Bull FIghter

Usage of a Manual

Under no circumstance should a man ever result to looking through a manual to solve thier questions while fixing something.

Terms & Conditions-

• Trial and error works in most situations that may have called for a manual.
• If ever questioned, remember that James Bond dismantled a nuclear warhead without a manual.

Tim is so fat, he shows up on radar.

The guy is so fat, he leaves footprints in concrete!

Tim was so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

One guy was so fat, he had his own zip code

Tim is so big, he plays hopscotch like, "Texas...Alabama...North Carolina...Pennsylvania..."

Tim has so many double chins he looks like he is staring at you over a pile of pancakes.

The TRUE Biggest Losers............

The "Fat Boys" weight-in for another weight-loss fiasco!!!! Even though they are big losers we all know, we need ideas for what the loser has to do.....Topping the list is a three way with Mario and Keith!!! They both may end up anorexic over that!!!! Please send in your ideas...............

"President for Life" is so excited he is licking the scale at 215.5 tons...........

Mr. Beer, who has not woken up since New Years Eve hits a portly....235 tons................

Good Luck to both..................They'll need it!!!!!!

Nude Couple Grapple Over Dog Near Shower

A 25-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of second-degree assault for getting into an argument with her boyfriend over whether his dog should be in the bathroom while the couple were taking a shower together.
A police report said the man, 26, wanted his dog to join them in the bathroom, but the woman objected on Thursday night.
The woman told her boyfriend that if the dog doesn't stay out, she didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He replied that maybe his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more, and called her a name.
The police report said the woman punched him in the face several times and the man dislocated his shoulder after the naked couple grappled. He told police his girlfriend threw a picture frame, which broke and cut him.
The woman was taken to the Kitsap County Jail in Port Orchard. Bail has been set at $50,000

Happy New Years from the Brew Crew