Nude man charged with having sex with table

A married father of three faces indecency charges after allegedly having sex with a picnic table.
Art Price Jr, 40, was seen doing the dirty with the garden furniture at his home in Bellevue, Ohio, on four occasions by a neighbour.
The neighbour, who hasn't been named, says that he saw Mr Price turning the table over before performing the sex acts on it.

Police officer Matt Johnson said: 'He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table.'
Just to add a touch of class to his furniture-copulation, Price reportedly carried out his naked table-boffing in broad daylight, very close to a local school.
The fourth time, the neighbour videotaped the alleged table-sexing as evidence.
Officer Johnson commented: 'Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around.'

as far as Woodpeckers, it's got to be the biggest on record!

I don't know much about Woodpeckers, so I don't have a clue as to what part of the country this picture of the GIANT Woodpecker was taken.

You may now swear at your toilet

In what seems like to be hailed as a great victory for justice, freedom and swearing, a woman who faced jail for loudly cursing at her overflowing toilet has been acquitted.
District Judge Terrence Gallagher dismissed the charge against Dawn Herb, 33, ruling that she was within her constitutional rights guaranteeing free speech when she let loose a string of profanities on October 11, in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Although the language she used 'may be considered by some to be offensive, vulgar and imprudent ... such representations are protected speech pursuant to the (U.S. Constitution's) First Amendment,' the judge wrote in his decision on Thursday.
Herb was cited after her neighbor, city Patrolman Patrick Gilman, called authorities to complain. At a hearing Monday, Gilman testified that he was off duty and at home when his 12-year-old daughter came running into the house and told him that she had heard loud curses coming from a house down the street, The Scranton Times reported.
Gilman, who lives a few houses away from Herb, said he went outside to investigate, heard the profanity and yelled out to Herb to 'watch your mouth.'
He said Herb refused to quiet down and instead swore at him. Gilman then called a patrolman, who issued the citation.
Barry Dyller, who represented Herb on behalf of the American Civil Liberties Union, said case law going back 20 years has established that 'colorful language' is not illegal. He said the judge's ruling was correct.
'He's exactly right ... in his reasoning,' Dyller said. 'And it's important that the public understands this. There are cases like this each year.'

Another Reason South Carolina Sucks!!!!!

S.C. bill would ban lap dances

COLUMBIA, S.C. --Exotic dancers would have to stay six feet from strip club customers and those businesses would have to close at midnight under a bill being considered by House lawmakers.
Scott Bergthold is a Tennessee-based lawyer who told a House subcommittee on Thursday that late operating hours for strip clubs creates more crime and problems for police.
Bergthold says stripper dances may be protected by courts, but not when they touch customers, which is commonly known as a lap dance.
He says there's no constitutional right to lap dances.
The House Judiciary Committee will next take up the proposal.

Police Say Girl, 10, Tried To Rob Store with a Rock

Police Say Girl, 10, Tried To Rob Store
Clerk Says 10-Year-Old Hit Him With Rock

FRANKLIN, Tenn. -- Police in Franklin said a 10-year-old girl tried to rob a Mapco Express late Monday night.

The clerk said the main reason he called police was that he was worried about the girl being out so late and trying to rob a store.
He said he wasn’t sure what the girl wanted until she threw a rock that struck him in the chest. The rock was all she was armed with. The clerk said he was so stunned that the girl had to ask the clerk three times for the money.
"At that time, the clerk said, 'You need to leave the store,' and came around the counter toward the front of the store. At that time, the child ran out," said Franklin Police Detective David Dixon.
It was the first attempted robbery at the busy Mapco, which is located just off Interstate 65.
The clerk said the main reason he called police was because he was worried about the young girl being out so late and trying to rob a store.
"I think he did the right thing, and the child was returned safely, and that’s what counts," said Mapco employee Cordelia Ream.
The girl had run away from home that night, and police said they believe if they charge her, they might be able to find out what's going on in her life that might lead her to attempt a robbery.
"That’s our main concern, is kind of getting behind, you know, what the problem was, and we want to make sure we take care of that problem," Dixon said.
Police said it appears that the child has a stable home life and was well taken care of.

'Pregnant' man stuns medical profession

A man who used to be a woman is five months pregnant, according to an article he has written for a national magazine that features a picture of him at 22 weeks, with facial hair and a man's flat chest above a swollen belly.
The case of Thomas Beatie, who was born a woman and describes himself as a "transgender male", has triggered discussion among ethicists and family groups with one expert describing the development as "playing with fire".

Thomas Beatie's article as it appeared in The Advocate
In a first person piece entitled Labour of Love and published in the most recent issue of The Advocate, a magazine with a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender readership, Mr Beatie says his decision to have a child "has been met with discrimination and outright derision by health care professionals". Even his own family members questioned him. According to his article, Mr Beatie went through a sex change but decided to have only chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy, stopping short of making any changes to the reproductive organs he was born with. Mr Beatie is legally male and lives with his wife, Nancy, in Bend, Oregon. The couple, who have been together 10 years, wanted to have children. Mrs Beatie, however, was unable to conceive, having suffered severe endometriosis and undergone a hysterectomy, her husband writes. So they decided Mr Beatie should try to carry a baby. He stopped his bimonthly hormone injections and had his first period in eight years, he writes. After a year - and nine doctors - he was able to get pregnant using frozen donor sperm but the pregnancy was ectopic and required surgery.
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A second pregnancy, however, was successful and the couple's daughter is due on July 3, the article states.
Mr Beatie describes the process as a challenge, listing the reactions they received to a situation that "sparks legal, political and social unknowns".
The first doctor they approached "told me to shave my facial hair", Mr Beatie writes. Others turned them away or referred them to a psychologist.
"Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy's family doesn't even know I'm transgender".
"How does it feel to be a pregnant man?" Mr Beatie writes in the article. "Incredible. Despite the fact that my belly is growing with a new life inside me, I am stable and confident being the man that I am.
"In a technical sense I see myself as my own surrogate, though my gender identity as male is constant. To Nancy, I am her husband carrying our child.
"I will be my daughter's father, and Nancy will be her mother. We will be a family."
Media in Hawaii reported that before Mr Beatie became a man, he was a woman called Tracy Langondino.

Dumb Dumb Dumb

The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office called him stupid Tuesday. That's because Frank Singleton could write the book now on how to turn a misdemeanor into a felony without ever leaving the county jail's parking lot.

"This is one of the stupid criminals," Sheriff's Office spokesman Paul Miller said.

Singleton, 21, of West Palm Beach, was released from the county lockup Tuesday after being arrested on a misdemeanor trespassing charge.

He immediately ran out into the visitor's parking lot and, in an apparent effort to get away as quickly as possible, tried to carjack a 2006 Nissan 350Z, Miller said.

The woman who was driving it was just getting out of her car when Singleton ran at her saying, "I want your car," Miller said.

He pushed the woman out of the way, grabbed the keys and jumped into the Nissan. But it was a manual transmission and Singleton couldn't operate it, Miller said.

Hearing the commotion, Sheriff's Office Pastor Leo Krug walked up and, holding his handgun by his side, ordered Singleton to the ground until a deputy could handcuff him.Singleton was booked on a carjacking charge.

"I don't think he wanted to go back to jail," Miller said. "I think he really wanted to get away and was looking for a car."

When the deputy was making the arrest, he asked Singleton why he did this.

"I didn't feel like walking," Singleton said.

Earliest Britain map is cock of the north

It's been a popular pastime for schoolboys down the ages – drawing crude phalluses on their textbooks.

But would the pioneering 14th century cartographers who put together this map of Britain – the oldest surviving map of the country – possibly stoop so low? We wouldn't want to say… but surely we can't be the only ones who think that the map makes Britain look a little bit penile?

The map is the so-called 'Gough map', dating from roughly 1360, but likely copied from an earlier map created around 1280, during the reign of Edward I. It's the earliest surviving map that shows Britain in a recognisable shape – even if Scotland's priapic appearance might provoke giggles.
Previous maps had been largely rubbish, favouring theology over geography – they would show how Britain fitted into the wider world of Christendom, but would forget to make the island even roughly the right shape.
But the Gough map – named after the 18th century antiquarian Richard Gough, who bought it in 1744 and bequeathed it to the Bodleian Library – boasts a roughly accurate coastline, recognisable rivers, and cities and roads properly positioned.
The only thing it gets wrong is Scotland, which was effectively a foreign country at the time, despite Edward I's best efforts to stake a claim to it. Which is why it looks like a big reproductive organ, with many strange, globular islands scattered about it like guilty puddles.
Who created the Gough map, or its predecessor from 1280, remains a mystery – although the degree of detailed knowledge the creator seems to have about the geography of Lincolnshire and south Yorkshire suggests he may have hailed from that part of the world.
Or, alternatively, it was produced by a shadowy cabal of Dionysian, phallus-worshipping Freemasons paying tribute to the master architects of Atlantis and secretly pledging the land of Britain to the cult of their pagan Gods. One of the two.

Let's all go to BOLLYWOOD

THE JACKSON FAMILY IS DOING GREAT

- Marlon Jackson, 51: an original Jackson Five member who stocks shelves at a Vons supermarket in San Diego, had to temporarily move into an extended-stay hotel.
- Janet Jackson, 41: the current family breadwinner. She bought her mom a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family's mansion, Hayvenhurst, to foreclosure. Like their Neverland colleagues, workers at Hayvenhurst have not been paid for months.
- La Toya Jackson, 52: family turncoat who declared Michael guilty during the 1993 molestation case, she earns a living mostly in Europe and in the UAE judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.
- Tito Jackson, 55: formed a blues band several years ago and plays at small venues for $500 to $1,500 a gig.
- Michael Jackson, 49: on the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family's Encino, Calif., home. He's hiding out in Las Vegas and repeatedly makes promises to his brothers while sabotaging any attempts by them to ply their musical trade.
- Randy Jackson, 46: does odd jobs like changing tires to support himself. He was Michael's business manager during the 2005 molestation trial but ran into serious problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees and Michael stiffed them.
- Jackie Jackson, 56: the oldest son started an Internet clothing business and is trying to produce records by his sons. Nothing has panned out.
- Jermaine Jackson, 54: splits time between the parents' Hayvenhurst mansion and his girlfriend's home in the San Fernando Valley. With more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing, he doesn't work or have a regular income.

Happy Easter from the Brew Crew

Man Auctioning Life On eBay

An Australian man has decided he's sick of his life, so he's auctioning it off on the Internet.

Ian Usher is offering up his house in Perth, job, clothes and even friends to the highest bidder in an e-Bay auction.

The auction goes live on June 22nd, and Usher says it's not a joke.

He says he recently divorced his wife, and wants to start over in a new life.

Actor Sues Kimmel, Carolla Over Penis Stunt Gone Wrong

A Los Angeles Superior Court Judge said Wednesday that an actor will have to properly serve several celebrities with a lawsuit if he is to continue in his bid to win the more than $10 million he is seeking for a prank gone wrong.

Perry Caravello filed suit last May saying he was injured when he says he was tricked into putting his penis in a mousetrap on Sept. 27, 2006.

Caravello said Jimmy Kimmel, Kimmel’s show’s warm-up comedian Don Barris and radio host Adam Carolla are among the people he is seeking damages from. The mousetrap unexpectedly snapped, and Caravello says he was severely injured. He also said the incident was videotaped and later circulated over the internet without his permission.

Caravello said he was promised $10 million if he put his penis in the mousetrap.

The judge set a status conference in the case for May 22.

CAN YOU SAY IDIOT!!!!!!!

12 Year Old Applies For WVU Coaching Job

Hats off to the young man from Connecticut who applied for the job of head football coach at West Virginia University. Joshua Irizarry is 12 years old, but that didn't stop him from writing to the university's president, Mike Garrison, when the coaching position opened in December.

Insisting in a letter that his was a "completely serious offer," Joshua outlined his skills. He said these included "making up new plays to fool defenses in local sandlot games."

Not only does Joshua believe in his skills and talents, he believes in marketing. "Consider the publicity your campus would receive," he wrote. "I understand this would be a move more suited for a team like Temple, but I am just asking for your consideration. Don't think of this as hiring a 12-year-old from a nowhere town, but think of this as hiring a dedicated football mind trying to help a team. I would work for any conditions you would wish to provide."

Garrison settled for what he assured Joshua was "an equally qualified candidate" to succeed Rich Rodriguez, who is now head coach at Michigan. Garrison chose Bill Stewart.

Joshua, keep believing in yourself and keep doing what others fail to do. At 12, you already understand the value of marketing your skills and experience, and you are able to focus on your dream job. Keep that focus and that winning attitude and you'll find your dream. Good for you!

Before you laugh and say that Joshua got his 15 minutes of fame, ask yourself:

-- Are you able to recognize opportunities to land your dream job when they come your way?

-- Are you willing to do what needs to be done to get that job, or any other job opportunity?

Remember, you must be willing and able to sell yourself. No one else will do it for you. Although there may be shortcuts to the mall, there are no shortcuts to life. Do what others fail to do.

My apologies to Temple!

Man hired stripper for dad's funeral

A Taiwanese man hired an erotic dancer to perform at his 103-year-old father's funeral.

The stripper danced in front of Cai Jinlai's coffin for more than ten minutes at the funeral in Taizhong town.

Son, Cai Ruigong, paid her more than £80 to dance in memory of his late father, reports United Daily News.

Cai Ruigong says he promised his father a stripper for his funeral if he lived beyond the age of 100.

Cai Jinlai passed away at the age of 103 after a three mile walk into town to vote. He was the oldest person in his village and had more than 100 descendants.

His son said his father was famous locally for his interest in strip clubs: "He would travel around the island with his friends to see these shows," he added.

Brew Crew are so proud of their kids!!!!

Fun On The Interstate

Irish Beer Pong Table

03/17/2008

There's no better use for that nasty green St. Patrick's Day beer than a little beer pong.

And the guys over at OfficialBeerPongTable.com have created the perfect table to host your tourney.

Their 8-foot portable table is decked out with a huge shamrock in the center, and green and orange re-racking graphics. And the no-stain surface is designed to repel green suds splashes.

Use the coupon code: beer-mi at checkout to save $5. Just enough for another pitcher.

$124.99 ($5 off with coupon code beer-mi)
www.officialbeerpongtable.com

Oh Danny Boy

Turn up the sound

The guy in the middle looks like Twinkie

Brew Crew vs. Black Sheep

You know you're a drunk when...

You got lost crossing the street.

You reckon that returning an unfinished keg is right on par with your father watching you gettting your ass kicked by a mime.

You get that weird tingling in your groin when you walk past a liquor store.

You take off your hat and strangers drop change into it. Not that you’re complaining.

You have proof the Bud Bowl is fixed.

Your blood will run a lawn mower.

Future generations will call you an urban legend.

M.A.D.D. has a budget line with your name on it.

You’re quite good looking when you’re plastered, and you have the mug shots to prove it.

You can sniff out a hidden bottle of scotch in under two minutes. One minute if it’s been cracked.

You don’t believe in conspiracy theories, but it seems a pretty big coincidence that none of the bars in town will let you stay after hours.

Your bar tabs impact the international price of wheat and barley.

Your hangovers can be seen from space.

You’ve heckled A.A. meetings.

You think you can influence the outcome of a football game two time zones away by yelling at a television.

The Wrong Shirt to Wear to a Mugshot

Germans Brew Beers for Jews, No Menstruating Women Involved

Having tapped the local beer market for all it is worth, German brewers have begun making kosher beer for Jews and a halaal, alcohol-free version for Muslims in a search for new clients.

In the land of Berliner Kindl, Beck's and Loewenbrau, the kosher version stands out with the name "Simcha" and a Star of David on its blue and gold label. "The name means 'joy' in Hebrew," said Ludwig Hoernlein, a brewer in Hartmannsdorf.

A certificate on the brewery wall, signed by Rabbi Yitshak Ehrenberg from Berlin, attests that the beer is produced in accordance with Judaic dietary rules but warns that it is not suitable for Passover.

He explained that "Simcha", a white pilsner with its alcohol content of 4.9 percent, may not come into contact with a drop of beer produced the traditional German way. A 30-ton silo at the brewery is reserved exclusively for kosher grains. The barley and hops are grown organically in Bavaria, the yeast used to ferment it is made at the brewery and the water comes from local springs.

In accordance with Jewish food rules, the barley may not have been grown during the Passover period and pregnant or menstruating women may not be involved in the production.

Said Hoernlein, "It proves that beer brings people together.

Yet Another Study: Drinking is Good For You

Everybody off the wagon!

People who do not drink alcohol may finally have a reason to start -- a study published on Friday shows non-drinkers who begin taking the occasional tipple live longer and are less likely to develop heart disease.

People who started drinking in middle age were 38 percent less likely to have a heart attack or other serious heart event than abstainers -- even if they were overweight, had diabetes, high blood pressure or other heart risks, Dr. Dana King of the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston and colleagues found.

Many studies have shown that light to moderate drinkers are healthier than teetotalers, but every time, the researchers have cautioned that there is no reason for the abstinent to start drinking.

Now there may be, said King.

Anheuser-Busch Adds Lime to Bud Light

In a copy-cat move to keep up with Miller Brewing and their somewhat successful "Chill" beer, the nation's biggest brewer is adding a twist of lime to its flagship brew Bud Light to help add some fizz in the face of stagnant demand.

The company will roll out the drink with a $35 million marketing campaign just in time for the BBQ season, featuring TV ads and outdoor signs.

The new drink came after years of consumer research that showed customers wanted the occasional flavored drink for special occasions, a company shill said.

The new drink will sell at a premium price of $1 to $1.50 more a six-pack. That price doesn't necessarily reflect the cost of pure lime juice added to each bottle, but the price consumer are willing to pay for a more "upscale" drink.

'Cause, you know, limes are upscale.

Living in New York City gives me the non-distinct pleasure of attending the largest St. Patrick’s Parade in the world. You would think that a city like Dublin would hold that honor, but only recently have they made a big deal out of the "Feast Day." Tourists who didn't research their trip very well got pissed off when they went to Ireland for St. Pat’s Day only to find everybody going to church.

May you...
Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
Dance like no-one is watching,
Screw like it's being filmed,
And drink like a true Irishman.

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in an orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

"Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. I'm just off the liquor."

FAU 5V5 April 5th

Here we go again!

99 words for boobs

TURN UP THE VOLUME

Chuck Norris Shrine Erected At Military Hub In Baghdad

FALLUJA, Iraq (Reuters) - Hollywood action star Chuck Norris, known for his martial arts prowess and tough-guy image, has become a cult figure among the U.S. military in Iraq and an unlikely hero for some in Iraq's security forces.

A small cardboard shrine is dedicated to Norris at a U.S. military helicopter hub in Baghdad, and comments lauding the manliness and virility of the actor have been left on toilet walls across Iraq and even in neighboring Kuwait, soldiers say.

"The fastest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist," reads one message at the shrine, which consists of a signed photo of the actor surrounded by similar statements.

"Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter," reads one and "Chuck Norris divides by zero," reads another.

Known as Chuck Norris "facts," the claims have already become an Internet phenomenon, and scores are featured on www.chucknorrisfacts.com, including "Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas," and "There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma."

The actor has visited Iraq several times and was made an honorary Marine last year. Some 20 U.S. military personnel and support staff spoken to by Reuters could recite at least one Norris "fact," despite many having not visited the Web site.

U.S. troops in Iraq say his support for them and Norris' invincible image has made him their idol and insist the exaggerated and satirical claims are not meant to mock him.

"The jokes all add to his legend. They're not derogatory. He's an icon," said Sergeant Joe Lindsay at a base in Falluja in Iraq's Western Anbar province, which Norris has visited.

AN IRAQI NORRIS

Bearded and muscled, Norris shot to fame fighting kung fu legend Bruce Lee in the 1972 film The Way of the Dragon, and later films show him devastating groups of men with one kick.

"Norris visited Iraq when violence was its worst and other celebrities were skittish. He's one of the guys," U.S. military public affairs officer Specialist Mark Braden said in Baghdad.

"The Marines love him. He's like a mythical legend," Staff Sergeant Amy Forsythe in Falluja said.

Soldiers cited many reasons for his appeal. Some appreciated his films and fighting ability -- Norris is a martial arts guru, and many of his films have military themes.

Others said the masculine and plainly dressed actor was an antidote to the preening and moisturized metrosexual male.

Some praised his Christian and political values. The actor recently endorsed Republican Party presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee, though in the spirit of the Norris "facts," Marines argued it was Huckabee who endorsed Norris.

"He's helped us a lot. The appeal is also his martial arts, and sheer physical presence ... I don't think I go a day without hearing a Norris joke," said Corporal Ricardo Jones in Falluja.

Norris' appeal is not restricted to U.S. troops either. At an Iraqi police graduation ceremony in Falluja, graduates called out for their "Chuck Norris" to pose with them for photos.

"Truthfully, I didn't know who he was. I asked the Americans, and they said he was a great fighter, and that's why they named me after him. They showed me a video, and it's true, he's a great fighter" said police trainer Mohammed Rasheed.

With his handle-bar moustache, Rasheed has a vague resemblance to Norris.

Another police trainer said Chuck Norris was a role model for the police in Falluja, which until 2007 was an al Qaeda stronghold and the scene of fierce battles with security forces.

"I've seen his videos, he's a hero. He saves the city, he protects women and children and he fights crime wherever it is. We should all be like Chuck Norris," Khaled Hussein said.

Hide your women and children

Tim loves himself

Applications are now being accepted for Falconer Foundation Brewing Scholarships.

In co-sponsorship with the Seibel Institute of Technology, the foundation offers two full-tuition brewing education scholarships in 2008.
One scholarship is for the World Brewing Academy Concise Course in Brewing Technology held at the Siebel Institute in Chicago in October/November 2008. The Concise Course in Brewing Technology is a two-week intensive program that covers every topic critical to successful brewery operations. The program is designed for brewers pursuing a wider knowledge of professional brewing standards and techniques in order to advance their brewing careers as well as individuals planning to enter the brewing industry.

The second scholarship allows candidates to apply for one of three two-week modules from the International Diploma in Brewing Technology Program held at Siebel’s Chicago campus in September/October 2008. This specialty brewing scholarship is intended for those brewers who seek an in-depth understanding of a specific brewing discipline. Candidates must designate which module they wish to attend.

Applicants must be from the Pacific Northwest (including Alaska and Hawaii) and Northern California regions (San Francisco Bay/Monterey Bay areas and north). Each scholarship includes a $750 stipend to help offset travel and lodging expenses.

For more details and information on how to apply, visit the Siebel Institute website.

Matt Venzke 2008 Beerdrinker of the Year

Matt Venzke of Yorktown, Va., has won Wynkoop Brewing Company’s 2008 Beerdrinker of the Year contest.

Venke, an aircraft maintenance manager, is the second straight Virginia resident to win the competition. Diane Catanzaro of Norfolk won in 2007.

Venzke beat out finalists J Mark Angelus Oregon and and Richard Pedretti-Allen of Texas. No word why Tim Merrigan was missing from the competition

As the 2008 Beerdrinker of the Year, Venzke wins free beer for life at Wynkoop, a $250 beer tab at the Taphouse on Queensway and clothing proclaiming him the 2008 Beerdrinker of the Year.

Heineken

The beertender is a special for-your-home tap that takes in four-liter Heineken DraughtKegs and dispenses via the tap, for a reasonably authentic home beer experience. It'll be exclusively available at Williams-Sonoma stores starting tomorrow for $299

St. Patrick comes to New York

The first St. Patrick’s Day Parade took place in 1762 when Irish soldiers serving in the English army marched through New York City. The parade helped them reconnect with their Irish heritage and with other Irishmen in the states. Over the next half of the decade Irish heritage flourished in the U.S. and several organizations were formed to aid immigrants coming here. Every March 17th these organizations would hold parades featuring drums and bagpipes (which the Irish borrowed from the English and Scottish armies) as well as lots and lots of drinking.

During the Great Potato Famine in the mid 1800’s millions of poor Irish immigrants came to the United States hoping that we had potatoes. And like most immigrants they were the victims of stereotypes (see potato stereotype above). They were portrayed as drunk and violent monkeys in newspaper cartoons. Yet every year, Irish Americans would get up off their drunk, violent, monkey-asses and pour themselves into the streets of New York to celebrate Ireland’s patron Saint.

In 1878, several of the Irish aid societies decided to unite their parades to form one New York City St. Patrick’s Day Parade. The established political community took notice of the shear numbers who took to the streets and Irish Americans became a potent political force and before long. Soon the parade became a "must attend" event for political candidates and office holders, drunk and sober alike.

The Irish and Irish Americans are rich with history and tradition... the most famous being a corned beef and cabbage dinner. Well, that's not exactly true. The traditional meal is Irish bacon and cabbage. When Irish immigrants were flooding the shores of the USA they were poor and couldn’t afford such a delicacy as Irish bacon. So they borrowed the cheaper alternative of corned beef from their Jewish neighbors.

But some of the traditions you cannot take away are their Irish pride and their love of good drink (like Jameson's) and good "craic" (pronounced crack). Craic is Gaelic for good times and good conversation. And if you’ve ever sat down for a pint with an Irishman you realize quickly that it has turned into many pints and many lengthy conversations.

Moms Arrested For Birthday Party Fight

Two Boston-area mothers face assault and battery charges after fighting at a Chuck E. Cheese when one woman's son spent too much time on a game, police said.

Catherine Aliaga, 38; and Tarsha Williams, 33, began shouting and fighting during a birthday celebration for Aliaga's son during the weekend, Gatehouse News Services reported.

Unfortunately, a birthday night out turned into a birthday melee, police Sgt. Paul Thompson said. I don't even know if they finished their pizza.

Aliaga was reportedly upset about Williams' 13-year-old son playing a basketball arcade game at the Natick, Mass., Chuck E. Cheese for a long time, the sergeant said. Aliaga told her son to be patient while the other boy had his turn with the game.

Williams' son apparently pushed the boy, who accused him of hogging the game, the news service said.

Next thing you know words were exchanged, Thompson said and escalated to fisticuffs, the Gatehouse report said.

To Be 6 Again..

A man was sitting
on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the
mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have
for her
Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again,' she replied, still looking in the
mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a
nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme
park. What
a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five
hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her
stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then
it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband
and
collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big
smile and
lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'

Her
eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my
dress
size, you dumb ass!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is
listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

FBI Agent: Hell's Angels Tried To Kill Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger narrowly escaped murder after an assassination attempt on his life was thwarted by a storm.

A former special agent for the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) has revealed the infamous Hells Angels gang allegedly plotted to kill the Rolling Stones frontman following the Altamont Speedway Free Concert in 1969, where a teenager was killed.

The motorcycle outlaws were said to have provided security for the British band at the gig, but after 18-year-old Meredith Hunter was stabbed and beaten to death by members of the group - in an attack captured by film cameras - Jagger reportedly vowed never to use the gang's services again.

And now former FBI agent Mark Young as spoken out about the aftermath of the killing, insisting the Hells Angels set out to take revenge on the singer at his home in the Hamptons, New York - but their plans were ruined when their boat was swamped.

He explains, "The Hells Angels were so angered by Jagger's treatment of them that they decided to kill him. A group of them took a boat and were all tooled up and planned to attack him from the sea."

"They planned the attack from the sea so they could enter his property from the garden and avoid security at the front. The boat was hit by a storm and all of the men were thrown overboard. All survived and there was not said to have been any further attempt on Jagger's life."

Dear Family and Friends (Brew Crew),

It is hard to believe that it has been twelve years since Nikki was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. She is now twenty years old. That is approximately 43,800 finger sticks to test her blood sugar and approximately 30,660 injections of insulin to keep her alive. I do not know many adults who would be able to deal with this and Nikki’s just a kid!

Nikki had to grow up immediately after being diagnosed. After getting a stomach virus, Nikki was hospitalized. Her blood sugar was in the 860’s. That is seven times higher than what is considered normal (70-115). She now had to give up being a kid at the age of eight! To take care of herself, she had to become a doctor, nutritionist, pharmacist…not playing one like other kids……actually becoming one to care for herself. She became a doctor to help her with her symptoms, how much insulin to give, how to give injections. She became a nutritionist to know what to eat, how much to eat, and when to eat to control her blood sugar. She became a pharmacist to know what the many different types of insulin do to her to control her diabetes. None of these professions she chose. She had to become them to survive.

There was a virus going around Tallahassee a few weeks ago. Naturally, Nikki fell ill with the virus. Her blood sugar was out of control and had to be hospitalized. Being sick and having Juvenile Diabetes is different than just being sick…..”Starve a cold, feed a fever?” In simple terms….being sick, one doesn’t want to eat; and that’s alright. Being sick and having Juvenile Diabetes, one must eat because of the insulin given. Debbi dropped everything and headed North to be with Nikki. Even though Nikki is on her own, she is still our little girl. We would like to keep her protected, but we can’t always do it. She is now back to what was “normal” before getting sick.

Nikki will graduate in April from Tallahassee Community College with her AA Degree. She will be going to the University of Central Florida in the Fall majoring in Psychology. She will make a great Psychologist after what she has been and is going through. She has done more, seen more, and realized more than many people I know.

Once again, it is time for our yearly “WALK TO CURE DIABETES.” This year’s theme for the walk is, “BANKING ON A CURE.” The walk is on March 29, 2008. There is a new Walk Site this year….it is at Mizner Amphitheater in Boca Raton. Would you please help us the raise money to find a cure for Juvenile Diabetes? You can make a donation and walk with us or just make a donation. You can send your donation (check) made out to the “Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation” to Jeff and Debbi Wagner, 9761 S.W. 3^rd Place, Boca Raton, Florida, 33428. You may also donate by going on line at http://walk.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=86976711 . Find Nikki Wagner’s name and follow the instructions.

As I say every year, THANK YOU for your continued support. Together, we can find a cure….NIKKI IS BANKING ON IT!


Jeff & Debbi Wagner

Beer School

While many beer lovers in the NW may never have tried a beer from Brooklyn Brewery, chances are you've at least heard of them. They've become a strong force in the New York and East Coast market over the years, and they make some fantastic beers (Their Chocolate Stout being at the top of the list). Founders Steve Hindy and Tom Potter saw a great opportunity and need for a New York based brewery, and they haven't turned back since launching Brooklyn in 1987.

This is really a story of what the two founders went through to build their brand and grow the business. If you've ever thought of launching your own business, in particular a brewery, then this is a great read. Their ambition for the business is a bit larger than your average corner brewpub, but many of the same lessons might still apply. This is a book about business; the focus on the beer itself is secondary. As long as you know that going in, you should enjoy it.

Both Tom and Steve tell a good story, and there are plenty of laughs and tense moments throughout the book. The climax for me was towards the end of the book when Tom/Steve were in the process of trying to sell the distributor business they had built along with the brewery. The descritpion of Tom's meeting with Sierra Nevada reps(Whom they currently represented in NYC) and the new large distributer that Sierra wanted to switch to was stressful and hilarious at the same time. As Tom said, "There were nine people in the room, and eight of them were mad at me." Tom was stuck in this room getting screamed at by senior execs and not having much good news to come back at them with. It's a tough spot to imagine yourself in.

Overall, Beer School is entertaining and informative. It tells the story of the brewery while throwing in some history from NYC's brewing past and personal insight to the beer business. While I was hoping for more discussion of their beer and Brewmaster Garret Oliver, I now understand that just was not the intent of the book. There are plenty of other books about beer, but this is a good one about the business of beer.

Pizza and beer now cost an arm and a leg

If you’re looking for a sure sign the U.S. economy is headed in the wrong direction, all you need to do is look at the skyrocketing price of “recession-proof” foods: pizza, hot dogs, bagels and beer.

For many Americans, the credit crunch and the mortgage mess have left their pocketbooks – and their cupboards – bare. These same consumers, many living paycheck to paycheck, have relied on these cheaper foods to keep their expenditures down. Not anymore.

In the past few months, the news has gone from bad to worse:

• Pizza makers have seen their cheese costs soar this year from $1.30 a pound to $1.76 a pound. Even worse, the flour used to make the dough has gone from $3-$7 dollars a bushel to $25 a bushel in less than a year.
• Beer makers have been forced to raise their prices because of the skyrocketing price of hops – one of the principle ingredients. The price of hops has gone from about $4 a pound in September to $40 a pound. The price of barley, beer’s other main ingredient, has nearly doubled.

Cook Could Get Jail Time For Putting Hair In Steak

A cook at a Texas Roadhouse restaurant in Wisconsin is accused of putting facial hairs inside a steak after a customer sent his dinner back.

Ryan Kropp, 24, of West Bend, Wis., was charged with a felony after he allegedly admitted to police he tampered with a customer's steak, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported. He faces up to 3 1/2 years in jail if convicted.

Kropp said he was angry with the customer, Kevin Hansen, for sending a different steak back to the kitchen of the West Bend restaurant Saturday because it was overcooked. Kropp said he thought Hansen was just trying to get a free meal.

A worker in the kitchen told police that Kropp cut a slit in the second steak and shoved something inside. Kropp allegedly told fellow employees that he had used pubic hair, the newspaper said.

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