Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ladies, careful what you ask for!!!!
An analyst at the Connecticut Police Academy says a co-worker responded literally to her "bite me" remark and chomped on her. Former Waterbury police Capt. Francis Woodruff was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct and released on a promise to appear in court. He's accused of biting academy license and applications analyst Rochelle Wyler on April 24.A police arrest report says Wyler had teeth marks and bruising on the back of her left arm.
Wyler's complaint alleges Woodruff was annoying her by calling her a clerk. She says she responded with "bite me" — and he did.
Woodruff also is a training coordinator with the 130-member police department in Meriden, just south of Hartford. He says he was joking around.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Neb. cigarette bandit wore beer carton as disguise
Police in Nebraska are looking a man who stole cigarettes while disguising himself with a beer carton on his head.Lincoln police Capt. Bob Kawamoto says the man walked into a Kwik Shop convenience store before dawn Monday wearing an empty Bud Light box on his head as a mask.
Kawamoto says the man also had wrapped something around one of his hands, suggesting he was armed. But the man never showed a weapon.
Police said the bandit left with nine packs of smokes valued at nearly $50.
Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said Tuesday morning that the robbery was captured on video. She said the man also dropped the empty 12-pack box as he fled, and it will be checked for fingerprints.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
BOOBS
Just The Facts
Boobs are often successfully used in place of a coherent plot or acting in movies to create a great film.
The power of boobs should not be underestimated.
Cracked on Boobs
From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history - destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power:
And here's a PG-13 tour of the reasons why:
Reason 1: The Side Boob.
Reason 2: The Underboob.
Reason 3: Cleavage.
The Boobs FAQ
Q: What Can Women Do If They Want This Power, But Are Weak in the Ways of the Boob?
A: The Pushup.
Or, if you are rich and famous, you can have your boobs enhanced with CGI. See Cracked article: CGI Boobs: 7 Special Effects The Stars Want to Keep Secret.
Is there anything else to boobs other than the Sideboob, Underboob, and Cleavage?
A: Yes. The center of the Boob is the source of its power. It is so powerful in fact that society does not permit its public display for fear of wide spread anarchy, and mass headsplosions. So here are some things that look sort of like the center of the boob:
Pictured above: San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant. Powerful.
Q: I heard something bad happens to Gremlins when they get wet. Is the same true for Boobs?
A: Yes and no. They triple or quadruple in power, so this can be a good or a bad thing.
Exhibit 1: Regular non-wet boobs:
Exhibit 2: Supercharged, wet boobs:
What Happens to Boobs When They Get Older?
A: It's horrible. Much like the end of The Giving Tree, Boobs, after providing so many years of thoughtless service, just become completely useless at the end of their life cycle. They become like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. You can't help but looking at them and thinking, "He was getting front row seats at clubs, and now look at him. Disgusting."
It looks like it would be hard for girls with large boobs to play sports. Is this true?
A. Utter nonsense. See for yourself:
Q: What are Boobs' other powers?
A. Boobs can lighten up a woman's whole appearance. They can make the sun come out when it is raining. They can make a woman smarter and funnier and more interesting.
If you look long enough, you'll realize that she's actually quite ugly.
Famous People Whose Careers Were Built By Boobs
1. Britney Spears
Google Image Search Random Words That Will Return Pictures of Boobs (Safe Search Off)
See Cracked article: 9 Innocent Google Searches That Get Porn on the First Page.
Here are some more:
1. Football (page 3)
2. Bacon (second picture)
3. Manual Override (page 2)
Conclusion
Boobs are nature's masterpiece, perfect in shape and design. As beautiful as they are powerful. All it takes is something that looks like a boobs to unleash their power.
Somewhere a bear is masturbating.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Jerky Thongs
We joked about it long enough, it was time to make dreams come true! Please allow us to introduce our first EVER pair of beef jerky underwear we call BRIEF JERKY. Note the time and care that has gone into crafting this wonderful undergarment. The attention to the properly placed groments that enhance the wearers comfort! We've even "bedazzled" this pair and added our Mixed Species logo on the back next to a heart of rhinestones. All in time for Father's Day!We consider these to be the first in "meat haute coutoure". They are made to order for each specific customer from the highest quality of dried preserved meats we can find at the closest convenience store. This particular pair was created to fit our very own model Hairy McSpecies! We will be adding his "action shots" soon. Currently there are too many good photos to choose from. Rumor has it that wearing our BRIEF JERKY undergarments will release their natural pheremones once your body heat and moisture kicks in!
Please keep in mind the Brief Jerky are made out of real untreated jerky! They are way more for “show” than “go”. Brief Jerky is NOT for consumption. If you wear them, please be gentle. Brief Jerky are held together and lined with thin adhesive single cell foam sheets. If interested, contact us with your waist size and we’ll get your very own one of a kind Brief Jerky created!
Enjoy!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Beer tax on tap for health care?
WASHINGTON (AP) — Consumers in the United States may have to hand over nearly $2 more for a case of beer to help provide health insurance for all.
Details of the proposed beer tax are described in a Senate Finance Committee document that will be used to brief lawmakers Wednesday at a closed-door meeting.
Taxes on wine and hard liquor would also go up. And there might be a new tax on soda and other sugary drinks blamed for contributing to obesity. No taxes on diet drinks, however.
Beer taxes would go up by 48 cents a six-pack, wine taxes would rise by 49 cents per bottle, and the tax on hard liquor would increase by 40 cents per fifth. Proceeds from the new taxes would help cover an estimated 50 million uninsured Americans.
and this comes from our leaders with a "wide stance"!!!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Today is Fabulous!! It's Cher's Bday!!!
