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Topless sledging proves surprisingly popular

It's a controversial sport that's been threatened with bans in the past - but a topless tobogganing tournament in Germany went ahead and, you'll be astonished to learn, attracted thousands of spectators.

While the stars of the Winter Olympics busy themsleves competing in so-called 'proper sports' (and figure skating), 30 male and female competitors, clad only in underwear, bounced their way down a 100 metre track on sledges to the approval of huge crowds.

More than 14,000 spectators turned out to watch the rude, chilly event in Braunlage, Germany. Car parks were overflowing ahead of the popular event, a spokesman said.

26-year-old Christian Schmidt won the event, while one 70-year-old man got the biggest round of applause for stripping down to his long johns.

'It was very cold, and because of that some of those girls would definitely had a bit of an advantage in a photo finish,' said one gutter-minded fan.

The event came after officials in another German town tried to put a stop to Germany's first ever topless tobogganing championships, after the mayor said he was 'offended' by the spectacle.
In that event, in Oberwiesenthal near the border with the Czech Republic, ladies competed for cash prizes of around 300 pounds, while being required only to wear a hard helmet and footwear.

Liberal party mayor Mirko Ernst had threatened a ban. 'The good name of Oberwiesenthal is at stake,' he said.

Drunk woman demands sexy visit with prisoner

A woman is facing drunk driving charges after she turned up at a jail and demanded a conjugal visit with a prisoner.

You could say that Denise Rutledge was hammered. Very hammered. And if you've ever been drunk before, you know that hammered people are prone to launching great adventures that don't sound so good under the sober light of the following day...

Denise, apparently feeling a bit frisky and longing for her man, decided to go to the Flagler County Jail, Florida for a conjugal visit. But there were two basic problems with her scheme.

No. 1: The Flagler County Jail does not allow conjugal visits and...

No. 2: It's never good to drive to the sheriff's office while really, really hammered.

After deputies informed her that she couldn't bonk her boyfriend, she went back to her car and prepared to drive away. But it seems a keen-eyed lawman presumed that she might be drunk. Lo and behold, her field sobriety test registered an impressive .256, a rate only achieved by a battle ship crew after eight months at sea. Or an Irishman.

This won Denise a free evening's stay in the jail. But unless she's a switch-hitter, our guess is that her sexual desires were not met to her exacting standards of satisfaction.

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Trouser-stuffing lotion thief was not a smooth criminal

A man who stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion down his trousers failed to make a clean getaway, as he was somewhat hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams.
Police in Springfield, Massachusetts, say 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama was charged with larceny after the incident Wednesday night at Bath and Body Works store.
Guadarrama had reportedly tied string around his ankles to stop the bottles slipping out.
Police say mall security officers chased Guadarrama when he tried to flee - but he had stuffed so many of the eight-ounce glass bottles of lotion in his trousers that he could barely run.
Police added he could not bend over to get in the police car until some of the bottles were removed. His legs were also 'extremely chafed', according to police spokesman Sgt. John M. Delaney.
'He needed the use of some of the stolen items,' Delaney told The Republican newspaper.
The total amount of lotion he attempted to steal came to about 5 gallons, and was worth $787.50.

Airplanes For Dummies

Airline paints plane with idiot's guide to flying

Do you ever feel slightly patronised by the announcements at the beginning of a flight, telling you the same message about where the plane's emergency exits are and how the lifejackets inflate? Well, that's nothing compared to how one company have decorated their new plane - with an idiot's guide to aviation.

Kulula, a South African budget airline, have given one of their new Boeing 737-800s a livery that acts as a beginner's guide to aircraft mechanics for the plane ignorant.

The labels on the plan point out key features of the plane, such as 'nose cone', 'wing #1' and 'wing #2', 'front door' and 'back door'.

Other features of the plane get somewhat cheekier descriptions - the place where the captain sits is labelled as 'the big cheese', while the toilet is described as a 'mile-high club initiation chamber'.

It also helpfully informs passengers that the plane's black box is, in fact, orange (black objects being quite hard to find in crash sites.)

We hope that there won't be a test at the end of every flight, however.

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No wonder the Dutch wear alot of Wool!!!!!

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Man tries to buy crack with credit card

A man has been arrested in Michigan after he tried to buy crack cocaine with a credit card. In addition, the man was also suspected of stealing a car, after he called police on Thursday night to say that his car had been stolen after he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy the crack in Flint, Michigan.

Police checks revealed that the car, a 2003 Chevy Malibu, had in fact been reported stolen from Lapeer, Michigan, about 20 miles away, and the man was in fact the suspect in its theft.

The man was held in the Genesee County Jail.

Strip club holds 'Lap dances for Haiti' earthquake relief event

Nude strip club Marilyn's on Monroe (which is on Monroe Street in Toledo, Ohio, you see) donated all the money from Sunday's $10 cover charge to the International Services of Hope charity.

The name of the event was, in fact, somewhat misleading - while strip clubs are legal in Ohio, lap-dances are not.

The club's manager, Kenny Soprano (yes, that's what he's called), said it had been hard to find a charity that would accept money from a strip joint. He said Marilyn's had been considering a charity fund-raiser since before the Haiti earthquake to help improve the club's reputation.

Linda Greene, the CEO of International Services of Hope, told the Toledo Blade that she was happy to accept donations from an adult establishment. 'I don't have a problem with it,' she said.

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