.

Kidney for an Ipad 2

2012-02-18T04:16:00.001-05:00

This guy sold one thing you don't need for another, which I guess makes sense.

Apple products are notoriously hard to get when they first come out, because as well all know, you either wait in line for days, or shell out an inordinate amount of cash or do the unforgivable and be a patient civilized human being, waiting a few extra weeks for something that will make your poops more fun.

Well, this 17 year-old Chinese teen just couldn't wait so instead of being patient, he became a patient. (*Catches the tomato you just threw and throws it back into the crowd screaming and ripping his shirt off*)

The kid, only identified by his surname Zheng since he's apparently a Dick Tracy villain of some kind (?), sold his kidney for an iPad 2. According to Shanghai Daily, the boy "wanted an iPad 2 but could not afford it." However, a "broker" (aka black market organ hustler) contacted the boy online and offered to help Zheng sell his kidney for 20,000 yuan (about $3,100). He agreed and had his kidney removed for an iPad 2 in what could only have been the safest of operating tables. Also, this almost makes me want to sell my kidney to finally afford that real doll I've been meaning to get for the carpool lane. I mean who needs two kidneys in this economy?

So he was given the money (roughly $3,400) right after the removal. He went home with an iPad and his mother asked where he got it (not where he was for days because I'm pretty sure surgery and recovery takes time if the movie 9 Months has taught me correctly). Anyway, he confessed to his mother what he had done and so she called the police like a jerk.

Strangely enough the police were unable to contact the black market dealer and brokers. Shocking that this guy was unreachable. And, of course, since the surgery Zheng has since had post-surgery issues. The hospital where his kidney was illegally removed wasn't qualified or equipped to do that kind of procedure. The hospital also claimed they had no knowledge of the surgery, though they did admit to contracting out the urology department to a Fijian businessman (the best urologists in the world).

Zheng's health continues to decline and while he may not be able to run and play sports like a normal 17 year-old he's already beat your high score on Angry Birds Seasons (2012) and your score on non-arcade Fruit Ninja.

Women Sells Herself for Epic Flying Horse

2012-02-17T04:16:00.000-05:00

This must have caused the ultimate Sophie's choice for hardcore gamers on Craigslist. I'm glad I wasn't in their shoes because god only knows what I would've done.

A woman needed 5,000 gold coins (which is the currency in the game World Of Warcraft) so she could buy an "epic flying mount". Instead of earning the coins herself she hopped on Craigslist and offered up the most valuable thing she had to offer the world at the time: some sex *cue 70s music that was actually very rarely used in real porn*.

In her Craigslist ad she explained what she was looking for down to the last detail (as "epic flying mount" somehow wasn't clear enough) and also asked that the person responding "send a picture, be real, drug and disease free, and have the 5,000 "coins" she "needed". She also asked for payment up front. Which is awesome. And legal, somehow.

But then word got around... I mean Craigslist isn't a place to post things you don't want everyone to know about. She got very upset when people made fun of her on the internet, so to remedy this she took out ANOTHER Craigslist ad, demonstrating that this girl was most likely related to that one woman who swallowed a fly we all grew up singing about.

In her new ad she said she got her "epic flying mount and got laid which is more than most of you failures can ever hope for" and that she was meeting up with some guy for a second go.

STRIKE!!!

2012-02-15T15:08:00.000-05:00

Workers at Hostess Brands, maker of Twinkies , Ho Hos and Wonder Bread, have threatened to strike if the company imposes "unfair" contract terms, including wage cuts.

The Teamsters Union, representing about 7,500 of the company's 19,000 employees, said that more than 90 percent of its Hostess members voted to authorize a strike if "unfair contract terms" are approved as part of its bankruptcy proceedings.

Hostess, based in Irving, Texas, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection Jan. 11 and is continuing to operate during bankruptcy proceedings.

The company, which operates about 36 bakeries, has proposed new collective bargaining contracts for which a hearing is set on March 5. The U.S. bankruptcy judge will have 30 days to issue a ruling, the Teamsters Union said.

Dennis Raymond, director of the Teamsters Bakery and Laundry Conference, said the vote shows that while the union's Hostess members are willing to "take significant steps to save the company, they can only go so far."

Hostess, founded in 1930, filed for bankruptcy in 2004 and re-emerged in 2009. The company has about $860 million in debt.

"Twice before, they have made sacrifices to help this company with no progress to show for it," Raymond said in a statement. "They need to see their sacrifices matched by other key stakeholders and they need protections to make sure their sacrifices are not made in vain again due to mismanagement. While we remain committed to finding a solution to save the company, it won't be done solely on the backs of our members and Hostess employees."

A spokesman for Hostess declined to comment on the Teamsters' announcement.

Members of 12 unions make up the majority of Hostess workers. Almost 92 percent of the union employees belong to one of two unions: the International Brotherhood of Teamsters or the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union, the latter of which has about 6,000 members, according to the Wall Street Journal and Reuters.

The 2 Weirdest Reasons We Have Sex

2012-02-14T19:52:00.000-05:00

#2. Why Do We Have Sex at All? To Fight Parasites (Duh)

Let's face it: Sex is about as intuitive as shoving a summer sausage into a Georgia O'Keeffe painting. If mankind had to start all over from scratch, we're not so sure we'd figure intercourse out the second time around. There are, after all, major disadvantages to sexual intercourse. The opportunity to contract and transmit diseases, for one. And for another, think of all the energy and resources that go into courtship. It's not like Olive Garden meals are going to pay for themselves, you know.

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"So ... the grilled sausage comes with the clam side in a light creamy sauce? This menu is weird."

Compare that to the ways that some far stupider animals reproduce. For example, aphids don't need boys at all -- the girls just fart out clones of themselves every 10 minutes or so. Some starfish just have to shed a limb to make a baby. OK, maybe that's not the best example of a better way to do things. But it's definitely simpler.

Everyone wants efficiency these days, but no one wants to pay the price.

So why didn't humanity take a different turn -- one where we kept the species going by just cloning ourselves? Why can't we and other sex-having species just squirt out spores from our orifices and call it a day?
The Theory:
The answer is that sex -- the mingling-of-fluid kind -- results in constant adaptation. Every kid is carrying the best of her mom, her dad, her grandparents and their lovers. Every one of us is a mess of genetic material coming from all over the place. And that's good, because change is what keeps us ahead of the game when it comes to our biological enemies.

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Also because your family isn't really your type.

According to the Red Queen hypothesis, we have to keep adapting to keep moving forward. The theory comes from a scene in Through the Looking Glass when Alice and the Red Queen race but never move. The queen says, "It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place."

"And if you're running on a road made of wind and purple, then you're tripping out just the right amount."

Likewise, humans are in a kind of arms race with every other species, especially the ones that matter to us most: parasites. Animals who reproduce asexually never get a chance to mix things up -- to come up with new and better combinations of genes for the next generation. That makes them more vulnerable when a parasite comes along.

"I am become machete! Fuck worms!"

Scientists have even proven the Red Queen theory in the lab. No, not by hosting a couple and watching them breed, then comparing their medical weaknesses to a family of human clones. They just used a particular bacteria and its viral parasite. The nice thing about bacteria is that you can watch hundreds of generations evolve over a short amount of time. So they took one bit of bacteria and isolated it from its parasite partner. Then they took another bit of the same kind of bacteria and let it co-evolve with its parasite, just as it would in the wild.

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"Yes, yes, that's it. Now show your flagella."

Five minutes and thousands of generations later, the second group had evolved twice as fast as the first, with more mutations and diversity. Then, just to be mean, they took the virus from the second group and infected the isolated bacteria with it. The bacteria was annihilated. If we didn't have sex, that bacteria would be us every time we came across a new cold.

#1. The Female Orgasm: The Happiest Accident

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The male orgasm might be a little messy, but at least it makes sense. Everything about the process of ejaculation is geared toward either human-making or keeping the tissue industrial complex going. God knows we need both if we want to continue as a species. But the female orgasm is a different (cleaner/sexier) animal. The only thing anyone gets out of a female orgasm is a good time.

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And blowjob leverage.

So, as a quick review, there are two kinds of lady orgasms. The rare kind is vaginal, the regular kind is clitoral. When you hear the term "G-spot," they're talking about vaginal orgasms (on the inside). Between 70 and 80 percent of people of the female persuasion get their orgasms via clitoris (on the outside).

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Supply your own genital metaphors here. We're tapped for the year.

So experts have proposed all kinds of theories to answer the question of why women have orgasms at all. Like that the contractions are supposed to suck sperm toward the uterus and that orgasms are supposed to exhaust women so they'll stay horizontal, so gravity will help sperm hit its mark. But one theory stands head and more head above the rest.
The Theory:
The clitoris is the remains of what would have been a penis. You might even say it's a pre-penis.

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Or preenis.

According to biology professor Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd, there is zero evolutionary purpose for the female orgasm. Zero. It does absolutely nothing for procreation, nothing to advance the species. But the reason women have them is the same reason men have nipples -- leftovers. Here's the idea: We all start out as sexless tadpoles in the womb. Before the boys become boys and the girls become girls, the basement starts developing nerve and tissue pathways in the exact same places. Then God gives us our assignments and we start our path to Gendertown. But that order -- nerves first, genitals second -- is the reason women get to share in the goodness of orgasms. And maybe why the clitoris looks like it does.

You should probably get this checked out.

In other words, gentlemen, the lady you're boinking is sporting a baby penis, despite her constant protestations to the contrary.

Your Survival Guide to Valentine’s Day

2012-02-13T07:28:00.001-05:00

So it’s Valentine’s Day, the most important day out of the year for many women.

If you are in a long-term exclusive relationship, you know the drill – flowers, chocolate, and take her somewhere nice.

But what if you’re single, not committed, dating multiple women, etc? That’s when Valentine’s Day gets tricky. But don’t worry, we have some special Love Systems techniques designed to help you out in each case:

If You're Single:
Go out. There will be lots of single women looking to meet people. Be prepared for questions like “why aren’t you on a date tonight?” or “why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Don’t answer these head-on. Make a joke out of it by saying your nine girlfriends sent you out to look for a tenth or that you feel guilty because you technically never broke up with your second grade girlfriend when you moved schools and don’t want to cheat on her.

Here are some valuable Valentine's Day tips to help turn the day to your advantage:
- Send a mass text message of "Happy Valentine's Day" to all of the women in your phone, whether you've talked to them recently or not, and even if a woman's been blowing you off. You have nothing to lose.

- Send this text in the early afternoon... women who are interested in you will text back.

- For the ones who text or call back, the dance starts. Let the conversation go a bit and then ask her what she's doing tonight. If she's not sure, say that you were going to boycott Valentine's Day and grab a few drinks and invite her to "join up later." Imply that you'll be doing this whether she comes out or not.

BUT - this is the important part - keep your line of retreat open. If she responds with anything other than a "not sure" or some other hint that she's available, you need to have a solid reason why you're not doing something. For example:

YOU: [Random conversation.] What are you up to tonight?
HER: Going to party, you?
YOU: [Noticing that she hasn't hinted at seeing you tonight.]
"Ha, I'll be getting used to being an uncle. I'm in Chicago this weekend; my sister had a baby yesterday!" or
"Me too. But it's a white party and I just realized I have nothing white. I might have to resort to bleach."
- Do NOT imply that you have nothing to do.

- If you end up meeting up with someone through this method, do NOT act like it's Valentine's Day or make it all romantic. Go to a bar or club, have some drinks, have fun.

If You're Dating Multiple Women:
- If you’re seeing multiple women in your city and each of them would expect to get taken out on Valentine’s, then leave town. I’m serious. Find some work or family excuse. Don’t try to split your Valentine’s into multiple dates , and you’ll never get away with regularly dating a woman and then being too busy on Valentine’s.

- Make it a business trip, a family emergency, etc. Whatever it is, leave before Friday and don't come back on Sunday. That's too obvious. Disappear for at least a couple of days.

- Leaving town doesn’t mean ignoring. Flowers and a phone call should get you through the day with all of the women you’re seeing if they buy your story on leaving town.

If You're Dating Someone But She's Not Your "Girlfriend":
This is the trickiest one. Valentine's Day is great for women because it forces men to reveal their intentions.

You may have been casually flirting with her and playing hard to get, but as soon as you ask her out on Valentine's Day, she will know that your interest is serious. Unless she is equally interested in you, she will know that she can have you, and will therefore be more likely to get bored with the lack of a challenge. And being "challenging" is one of the eight attraction triggers.

Yes, this sucks. No, it doesn't mean she's a bitch. People want what they can't have, and women and relationships are no exception. On the other hand, if she's into you and you don't offer to make plans... you may be discarded for someone who does. Sorry. This can be a no-win situation. I didn't make the world, I just live in it.

The best bet here is to go out with a mixed group (either a group of singles, or include some couples once they've done the private Valentine's Day stuff together) and invite her to come along. Keep it nice and ambiguous.

More Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

2012-02-12T07:31:00.006-05:00

Fleshlight iPad Case

Help the man in your life consummate his love for handling fleshy fake genitalia in a whole new and modern way. Also makes the perfect wedding gift.

Price: TBD, but most likely priceless

Sexy-Body Computer Mouse

Do you find that your man is merely going through the motions while surfing his favorite voyeur sites at three in the morning? Just the same-old same-old, night after night? Change his attitude with this computer mouse shaped like the human female form—guaranteed to make your geeky stud long once again for the heady rush of romance.

Price: $29.90

LED Belt Buckle

Nothing says "take off my pants" like a belt buckle that can be programmed to read "TAKE OFF MY PANTS.” If you’re really feeling naughty, write it out in cursive!

Price: $19.99

Horse Head Mask

Men, you can finally fulfill your life-long dream of being hung like a horse, while also fulfilling her dream of fornicating with a quasi-mythological creature. And your dream of filming it all.

Price: $26.28

Wall Tentacle

Put your money where your mouth is by supporting your partner's love of cephalopods with this three-foot-long, one-of-a-kind Styrofoam wall tentacle. Also makes for a terrific graduation present, assuming they’re graduating from community college.

Price: $3,500

Live Exotic Spiders

What woman doesn’t adore a spider in her bed while she makes sweet, sweet love? For a cheaper route to romance, try live exotic bedbugs.

Price: Starting at around $20

Valentine's Day Gift Guide

2012-02-11T11:56:00.001-05:00

2012 Fairy Tale Fantasies Calendar

Treat your man to "A Whole New World" of questionable sexual proclivity with this 2012 calendar of fairytale hotties and realistic-looking foxxxy blond mermaids, courtesy of the legendary comic book artist J. Scott Campbell.

Price: $25

Aurora Plush Unicorn Fancy Pal

Is your boyfriend just a bit too macho? Is he constantly starting bar fights and embarrassing you with his “rough around the edges” style? Maybe all this tough guy really needs is an elegant, fuzzy, stuffed pal. When a man feels truly fancy, he sees the whole world as fancy. That phrase is copyrighted.

Price: $9.99

Dinoprints

All men love a dinosaur—at least an illustrated one. By giving him this special gift, you will imply: "I would like to ride your Woolly Mammoth."

Price: $49.95

Pajama Jeans

Finally, a product that makes getting into her pants that much more convenient for everyone involved.

Price: $39.95

Milla Jovovich's Red Dress from Resident Evil: Extinction

Why limit your Resident Evil role-playing to the boring confines of the bedroom? Dress your lovely lady like the beautiful Milla Jovovich that you really wish her to be, all the while pretending to fight zombies in the post-apocalypse! She'll be ripping that red dress off before you can say, "Damn it, woman! That thing cost me four grand!"

Price: $3,999.99

Portable Stripper Pole

Now she won't have any more excuses for not exercising when you guys go out of town to visit your elderly relatives.

Price: $154

Airbags

2012-02-10T20:19:00.000-05:00

A 32-year-old model who held the record for the world's largest implants has walked away from a car crash after her breasts acted as an airbag.
Sheyla Hershey, who has 38KKK breasts, was driving home near Houston, Texas, after a Super Bowl party on Sunday when she crashed into a tree.
The mother was charged with drunk-driving after the incident and allegedly was not wearing a seatbelt when she lost control of her Ford Mustang.

Huge assets: Sheyla Hershey, who has 38KKK breasts, was driving home to Houston, Texas, after a Super Bowl party on Sunday when she crashed into a tree

'I think my breasts saved my life,' she told Barcroft Media. 'The accident was bad and my boobs are sore, but they protected the rest of me.'

Her car spun around and hit a tree during the crash but she denied the drunk-driving charge in court on Monday

Alcoholism Inventions 3-1

2012-02-08T17:16:00.002-05:00

#3. The Worst Game in the World

Patent Application #US2004/0188942 A1Mark Trokan's invented a "nonalcoholic beer-pong game system," so his other inventions must be a social network for Halo players and a flavorless inhaler with all the health benefits of regular bacon. The only other people to extract the horrible parts of something so precisely are cancer surgeons. The whole point of beer pong is getting drunk enough to engage in unhygienically sticking things into fluid with strangers.

Patenting this game means they want to sell it and are therefore insane. Drink pong is less sanitary than bobbing for apples after the Toxic Avenger.
The patent makes the usual polysyllabic attempts at intelligence, describing "a plurality of colored beer-pong balls" aimed at "frustoconical shapes." They also realize that sober beer pong misses the point of everything so hard it's almost an antimeaning of life, so they write challenges on the balls to add a "degree of edginess." They're the sort of humorless assholes who'd write "zany" in cold blood. When your invention is "something college students do, but stupider," it's not a patent, it's dangerous proof that the nurses let you have something as pointed as a pen.

#2. Beer Bottle Fruit Clip

Patent Application #US2011/0042343 A1

Jeffery Bartucci's patent reads like a dictionary cheating at Scrabble. He wants to patent keeping fruit wedges proximate a bottle spout using the distal end of a cantilevered containment arm, and when he describes his childhood he describes gustatorily investigating domicile coloration fluid.

This guy uses more steps to put fruit in a bottle than the Ghostbusters did to put ghosts in the Ecto-Containment Unit.

If you need mechanical assistance to put fruit in your beer, that's a level of impotence dick doctors don't have a word for yet. They only know that every time you fail to have sex you fade out of old photographs. The clip also has a smaller target market than giraffe leashes for dwarfs, because if you're prepared to make an effort to use special equipment for drinking, you've probably found a beer you can bear the taste of in the first place. Shoving citrus chunks into a bottle is how bartenders say, "We understand you desire our cheapest alcoholic water and have already placed vomit mops on standby."

That's not a clip, that's a kickass Need for Speed level.

A truly terrifying amount of design has gone into this thing. It's got more carefully artificial curves than Cher, and you'd have to drink several beers before considering using either. He's also designed more special-function variants of this equipment than the Batman.

I feel the sudden need to apologize to the inventor. And sleep with my dick in a safety deposit box.

#1. The Beer Belly

Patent Application #US2007/0056998 A1The "system for beverage storage and concealment" is the exact same idea everyone who's ever paid for stadium beer has had. And Lee Tyler Olson is the worst inventor of all of them.

I'm really glad he's designing beer-smuggling equipment or I'd feel bad mocking the child with a newly discovered syndrome who drew this. I don't know if the U.S. Patent Office gives gold stars for effort, but that smiley face radiates such brain-damaged joy at his beer, body armor, carefully drawn abs and huge swinging dong that I'm seriously considering buying one for Brockway. It looks like a child drawing the worst father ever as a superhero, knowing that his parents love beer because that's what he had for amniotic fluid.
Our only proof that it wasn't drawn by a child is that a young boy would have been giggling too hard to finish scribbling a penis on the cover of a patent application. This design is actually a cunning strategy: By not threading the tube through the bag, and instead having you hunch over to suck on your own crotch, you gain several minutes of drinking time as security guards wait for police backup before even attempting to stop you.
There may be a few problems with prior art, but as we've seen, art is Olson's fatal weakness. The way this exact device was used in several comedies in the '80s and was already for sale before 2007 might also be an issue.

thebeerbelly.com
I often find that it's chiseled-jaw hunks who need to sneak drinks in public places. In the mirror.

The provisional application was made in 2005. Olson was working on this for over a year, and this was still the best he could do. Babies improve at drawing faster than that. He didn't even use a ruler. This may be the only patent application completed during product testing.

It's a tragedy, because the basic idea of body armor made with alcohol instead of Kevlar is sound: We've been threatened by sobriety far more often than by bullets.

Alcoholism Inventions 4-7

2012-02-07T05:13:00.001-05:00

Necessity might be the mother of invention, but alcohol is the wish-granting genie: faster, more spectacular and almost infinitely more guaranteed to go wildly wrong and make you look stupid in the morning. Luckily, some people are stupid no matter what time it is and took the ideas that came to them while drunk to the patent office. Only idiots operate machinery under the influence of alcohol, but there must be special super-idiots who invent machinery while drinking the stuff.

#7. The Cocktail Hat

Patent #4,681,244 This is a hard hat with more fluid tubes than the human body. It was invented by John D. Geddie, presumably in an attempt to solve his two most common problems: falling off bar stools and hitting his head on the ground, and being subsequently cut off by whoever saw him fall, as well as the guy who rode with him in the ambulance. His solution to these problems is both a testament to his love of booze and a symptom of multiple concussions.

RoboCop has simpler headgear.

The helmet appears to have plenty of plumbing issues, but the grossest part has to be all the residual alcohol left in the tubes in between uses. Before you get to the daiquiri you just poured, you're going to have to make your way through a couple inches of runoff vermouth from last weekend. Of course, anyone who considers the standard glass-to-mouth drinking method too much work probably isn't going to mind.
A more serious problem for the type of person who would own this helmet is the bank of eight tiny controls on the forehead. Any man who is so desperate for alcohol that he will suck sticky liquids through a foot of narrow-gauge pipe should not be trusted to remember which identical knob controls the vodka.

Several vital plumbing connections run through the inside of the helmet where normal people keep their brain.

Eight controls for only six drink reservoirs may seem a bit odd, but keep in mind that the inventor was probably seeing double when he designed it.

#6. Beerbrella

Patent Application #US 2003/0075208 A1

The only way you could not see the problem with the Beerbrella is if you'd already tried to use it and poked out an eye.

Nope, they still can't see the problem.

Three inventors got through seven schematics without realizing that they'd invented an antibeer shield. They're either total idiots or devilishly cunning anti-alcohol crusaders: The Beerbrella itself might only stop you for a second, but clumsily stabbing yourself in the face with this would force bystanders to stage an intervention in the middle of Oktoberfest. They also bring the worst of the world of cocktails to simple beer with a "tropical base" ...

The Thunderbirds built more sensible things around small fake trees.

... which is blatantly unnecessary, because fitting an umbrella to your beer is already ringing a douchebag alarm loud enough to deafen everyone within earshot. Only one of their designs acknowledges that people actually drink beer, including a pivot system and counterweight to double the bottle's weight. And since trash like this is only ever built by the current winner of the "Country With Fewer Human Rights for Workers Than an Ant Colony" award, the only one not designed to poke your eye out is probably going to break after approximately 0.5 uses. We'd make fun of them more, but being the first people in history to prevent beer from working is actually sort of impressive.

#5. Meat Beer

Patent #US 7,037,541 B2Mr. Okada says he just wants to provide new drinks for the world and "achieve a wider range of alcohol content." If only every madman cutting up chunks of flesh and dissolving them in acid was so well-intentioned. Combining leftover meat parts and bizarre chemical experimentation isn't brewing, it's how you build Frankenstein's monster. His patent isn't just meat flavoring; the alcohol itself comes from flesh, presumably so that you can get rage-drunk by ingesting both the spirit of the animal and the madness of the inventor. It's the most idiotically manly way to get drunk short of smashing a bottle of whiskey over a Terminator's head and then licking it off.

Warner Bros, Columbia Pictures

Most beers are already unsuitable for vegetarians because of isinglass -- ground, dried fish bladders mixed into our our magical beer to make it clearer and also sound more like actual witchcraft. This patent uses aqueous animal extract fermented with lactic acid bacteria and yeast, and doesn't involve wriggling maggots because they don't need to make it sound less appetizing.
In fact, they probably couldn't. "Drinking the meat beer" sounds like something you have to do to join a fraternity in hell.

#4. Deep-Fried Beer

Patent Application #US2001/0014320 A1Mark Zable started with "unhealthy food tastes good" they same way Einstein started with "I don't think space is flat," chasing the thought through an insane level of work to a reality-redefining result: deep-fried beer. His patent-pending process blends beer with acid-dissolved bone meal and animal skin, coats it in batter, throws the whole thing in hot burning oil and screams raw hatred at hearts and livers. But those already dead cannot hear. This is less a fried snack than a personal vendetta against the transplant industry.
We're not saying this is a drunken flash of genius scribbled on the back of a napkin four hungry hours into a drinking session, but here's the entire schematic on the front of the patent application.

We're fairly sure sanitary pads have already been invented.

It took Zable three years to work out the recipe because his experimentally fried protosnacks kept exploding. Returning to the same place full of explosions three years running for a ridiculous reason technically means he's an action hero.

Only on a deep-fried beer patent would random stains be a full figure.

The process of frying liquifies the jellied beer, and Zable can see absolutely no problem with a piping-hot dough shell full of liquid. His text describes a fried dough snack with "an aliquot of a beer-flavored component," and honestly, we weren't expecting the guy throwing pizza dough and beer into a deep-fat fryer to teach us new words. We understand that the guy approaching the government with scribbled sketches of things thrown into boiling oil in the name of hungry science has to prove he's not stupid, but by the time you've finished reading about trapezoidal farinaceous wrappings around aliquots, you'll know what "sesquipedalian" means. And still want to try one.

Raspberry Jeans

2012-02-06T19:38:00.000-05:00

If you don't mind shelling out $150 for a pair of raspberry-scented jeans, you can at least save some of that hard-earned cash by skipping regular trips to the laundry mat.
The Mirror reports that Naked and Famous Denim is now selling a line of "scratch-n-sniff" men's jeans that can mask the odor of repeated wearings. As the company's website states: "Yes, these jeans actually smell like raspberry candy when scratched. The effect is created by coating the denim fabric with a special coating that contains mini microcapsules."
Naked and Famous Denim spokesman Bahzad Trinos tells the Mirror,"Hardcore denim lovers don't wash them for months to get an individual look. I wear them every day and, when they get too dirty or my girlfriend complains, I get them washed."
Still, how many guys are going to pick raspberry as their go-to scent? To that end, Naked and Famous says they will soon be offering the scented jeans in additional fragrances, including apple, banana, eucalyptus, grapefruit and mint.

Super Bowl Sunday

2012-02-05T08:50:00.000-05:00

Wardrobe Malfunctions??

Who wins the Super Bowl of Social Media

2012-02-04T06:49:00.000-05:00

In case you haven’t noticed already, we’ve decided to go hard in our Super Bowl coverage today with the big game now only two days away. One question that continues to sit on my mind is who will win Super Bowl XLVI? With the Giants pass rush be able to get to Tom Brady on a consistent basis? Or will the Patriots’ deadly pass attack be too much for the Giants’ secondary to handle?
I still can’t quite make a decision on who I think will win Sunday’s gridiron battle between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots, but I can tell you who wins the social media battle between these two teams. The answer is the New England Patriots, according to the stats provided by the following infographic.

Check it out.

Super Bowl Weekend

2012-02-03T06:37:00.001-05:00

Who you got?

Crack Anyone?

2012-02-02T07:04:00.001-05:00

China bans toddler palm-reading

2012-02-02T05:23:00.000-05:00

China has banned kindergartens in a northern province from offering palm-reading tests that the schools had claimed could predict toddlers' intelligence level and potential, state news agency Xinhua reported on Wednesday.

Although many parents in Taiyuan, capital of Shanxi province, eagerly brought their children to be tested, some later complained about the high cost and raised questions about the testing method, which test-givers said could reveal the children's aptitude in music, mathematics and languages.

"We have issued a circular to criticize the three kindergartens that offered palm-reading tests for 1,200 yuan ($190) per person," Xinhua quoted Ma Zhaoxing, the local education bureau chief, as saying, adding that the practice had been banned.

Authorities were investigating whether the company that designed the tests, Shanxi Daomeng Culture Communication Co., Ltd., had violated any laws, Xinhua said

Fortune-telling, including palm-reading, has deep roots in Chinese tradition, although China's leaders have discouraged and punished devotees of the practice which they brand superstition.

Sofia Vergara Named AskMen’s Most Desirable Woman of 2012

2012-01-31T18:18:00.000-05:00

It's often said that Hollywood is a young woman's game, but AskMen.com readers officially bucked that trend in 2012, as Sofia Vergara was named #1 on the men's online magazine's annual list of the Top 99 Most Desirable Women, which was announced on Tuesday. But while the 39-year-old "Modern Family" star snagged the top spot on the site's Top 99, former A-list mainstays like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie gave way to recent additions and fresh favorites, a clear signal that, as far as AskMen.com readers are concerned, there's a new guard in town.
Top 99 Most Desirable Women of 2012

But when it comes to "desirability," Sofia Vergara proves that age is just a number -- in this case, #1. After enjoying a breakout year thanks to ABC's "Modern Family," Vergara placed third on the website's list in 2011. And AskMen.com readers obviously haven't cooled on the fiery Colombian bombshell in the past 12 months, bumping her up to first in 2012. In doing so, the actress beat out a number of younger leading ladies and newcomers to lead the Top 10, such as Victoria's Secret favorites Miranda Kerr (#4) and Candice Swanepoel (#10), rapper Nicki Minaj (#5), and actresses Emma Stone (#6) and Scarlett Johansson (#7).

Meanwhile, perennial favorites like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie were left off the list entirely in 2012. The tabloid mainstays were also fixtures on the site's Top 99 for years -- especially Jolie, who made the list 10 years in a row from 2001 to 2011 -- but it seems guys are growing tired of the former paragons of desirability. And as the old guard falls, new favorites like Vergara, Kim Kardashian (#8), Rihanna (#9), and Zooey Deschanel (#12) have risen up to take their place.

The New 2012 Ford

2012-01-30T20:59:00.001-05:00

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the "Clitaurus". It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year......

Virgins; Help is a phone call away

2012-01-29T08:09:00.000-05:00

It’s not so much the sign that’s funny as much as there is some girl who looks pretty skanky standing in front of it. The timing couldn’t have been any better.
Then again she might be doing this on purpose which speaks even more volumes to the skank factor.

One way to keep your erection

2012-01-28T08:06:00.000-05:00

A penis tattoo has left an Iranian man with a permanent semi-erection, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.The 21-year-old man was afflicted with the condition after tattooing Persian script reading borow be salaamat (good luck on your journeys), and the first initial of his girlfriend’s last name (“M”), on his penis.So what happened?According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the tattoo artist created the tattoo using a handheld needle which resulted in "bleeding from deep penile tissue for several days complicating the tattooing."Shunt surgery, which drains excess fluid, was attempted to correct the problem, but the procedure was unsuccessful, MSNBC reported.Since then, the man has rejected further treatments because he is still able to have sex and achieve a relatively normal erection, according to MSNBC."Based on our unique case, we discourage penile tattooing," the Iranian doctors wrote in the journal article

Snap, Crackle, Poison

2012-01-27T06:38:00.003-05:00

Azusa, Calif.- Fernando Porras, a 51-year-old California man has been jailed after he allegedly poisoned his wife’s Rice Krispies.
According to Azusa Police, Porras’ wife was taken to the hospital after she consumed a bowl of Rice Krispies that had a foul odor and taste.
Investigators say officers became suspicious of the woman’s husband, Fernando Porras, after he said he was going to go have a cigarette and never returned. Police found him about two miles away from the hospital.
An investigation revealed that the cereal contained potentially lethal amounts of the cleaning chemical ‘Goof Off.’
Porras was booked into jail on a charge of attempted murder. He remains held on $1 million bail.
The woman is expected to survive the ordeal.

Fire and Tampons don't mix

2012-01-26T06:36:00.001-05:00

JANUARY 18–Armed with flaming tampons–yes, flaming tampons–two young Pennsylvanians attempted to blow up a vehicle after severely vandalizing it, according to police.
The bizarre January 7 incident outside a bar in Metal Township resulted in the arrest of Patricia Deshong, 25, and Quentin Deshong, 22, on a variety of charges, including attempted arson, public drunkenness, and criminal mischief.
According to State Police troopers, the Deshongs seriously damaged a 2006 Ford Fusion, which had its windshield and windows either cracked or broken, was covered with dents, and had blood on the front passenger seat. The car’s hood was also open and various hoses had been disconnected.
The Deshongs are pictured in the above mug shots.
As for the flaming tampons, a probable cause affidavit notes that investigators “discovered that the gas cap was removed and tampons were used to possibly ignite the gas tank.” Additionally, “Tampon was used in the engine compartment where the oil fill cap is located.” Since “ashes were at the gas cap area and the oil fill cap area,” troopers concluded that the tampons had been set ablaze at each spot.
The affidavit does not indicate why the Deshongs allegedly vandalized the vehicle, which is owned by Falon Clark, a 25-year-old woman whose Facebook page still includes Patricia Deshong among her friends. Hours after her car was trashed, a message on Clark’s Facebook page noted that she was “lookin for some revenge…”
A friend of Clark’s, Gary Boggs, told troopers that Patricia Deshong had thrown a beer bottle through the rear window of his Ford F-150 truck. The affidavit does not specify when this alleged attack occurred, nor does it describe the relationship between the Deshongs.
After arresting the Deshongs–both of whom were under the influence of alcohol–troopers discovered that Patricia was in possession of a license plate from the trashed Ford, as well as the vehicle’s registration card. As a result, she was charged with theft.
When the Deshongs arrived at the police station, troopers reported, Patricia “made threats stating that she was going to fucking kill” a trooper following her release. As a result, she was charged with making terroristic threats.
The Deshongs spent a few days behind bars before they each posted $25,000 bond to secure their release last Tuesday. Neither Deshong responded to Facebook messages seeking comment about the alleged tampon torching attempt. (2 pages)

Bitch

2012-01-25T06:34:00.000-05:00

Wheat Ridge, Colorado – Jennifer Risa Stover, a 35-year-old Wheat Ridge woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly pocketed more than $30,000 in donations for cancer treatments she never required..
According to police, Stover reportedly told co-workers at the Metro Hospice that she was diagnosed with cancer and was undergoing “experimental cancer treatments”.
She also authorized a co-worker to solicit funds for help with her cancer treatment and expenses and collected more than $30,000 in donations from 16 good Samaritans between January 2010 and April 2011.
Investigators say in 2008, Stover was employed at the Collier Hospice. Former co-workers stated that she had told them that she had some sort of a cyst and missed a lot of work because of her alleged illness. Detectives determined that she had never been diagnosed with cancer and didn’t require cancer treatment.

….
What I don’t understand is how this woman got caught? How did that happen? Not that I want to know how to successfully pull a scam off like this from A to Z not A to everyone figures out I was lying and now I have to go to jail. Just curious. She’s clearly the scum of the earth for doing this but what if I did something similar minus the whole cancer thing? Like if I were to hypothetically set up some vague charity that was “money for people” how would that all pan out? Would people start being skeptical right away or would it take them a few years to catch on? Is there a special police unit that tracks down fake charities? Again, not that setting up a fake “fund” is something I would ever consider doing. Just a curious person by nature. Anyone know how you get one of these things off the ground?

Happy Birthday John

2012-01-24T06:30:00.002-05:00

Man marries dead girlfriend

2012-01-23T09:29:00.001-05:00

(Source) A man recently married his deceased girlfriend in a combination funeral and wedding ceremony.
Chadil Deffy, also known as Deff Yingyuen, placed a ring on the finger of Sarinya “Anne” Kamsook, his girlfriend of 10 years, during the ceremony in Thailand’s Surin province.
The couple had planned to get married in the future, but Yingyuen wanted to focus on his studies before tying the knot, the Thai-Asean News (TAN) Network reported.
Unfortunately, Kamsook unexpectedly died in an accident before the couple could set a date.
According to the Pattaya Daily News, the couple met at Thailand’s Eastern Asia University nearly a decade ago, and wreaths were placed around campus in memory of Kamsook following her death.
And while some thought the service a bit strange, others expressed their sympathy for the groom.
“…I didn’t know her, but in your photos, she looks young and full of life. I can’t image the impact her death has caused in the lives of her loved ones. It was a very moving gesture of love, very moving. It makes you rethink a lot of things in life, things you take for granted,” Facebook user Alejandra Yanez wrote in Spanish on Yingyuen’s page.

…
I know everyone is going to think this is creepy and gross and to be perfectly honest it sort of is, but let me ask you this? Isn’t it a well known fact that once you get married everything goes to shit? Your wife gets all strict about drinking with your “boys” and being responsible. Says nothing will change right up until the point you get a call at halftime of an NFL Sunday to come home and clean the gutters? Everyone gets fat. You start having kids and next thing you know you’re 60 years old and your life has passed you by.
Well guess who isn’t going to do any of that shit? Anne Kamsook. This is the perfect play by Deff Yingyuen. He has a wife stuck in perpetually girlfriend mode. Win-Win. To tell you the truth I think Deff is on to something big here. I think marrying your dead girlfriend might be the new thing to do in 2012. Like how 2002 was the year of the Ipod. 2012 is going to be the year of marrying dead people.
PS
That mustache is electric.
PPS
Making out with a picture of your dead girlfriend then putting it on your youtube highlight reel will NOT be the in thing of 2012. Way to take it a step too far Deff.

Triple PS
I love how in Asia marrying a pillow is cool and marrying a dead person is somehow fucked up.

Do you want some of this?

2012-01-22T18:26:00.000-05:00

Tulsa, OK - David Weis, a 50-year-old Oklahoma man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly walked into a woman’s apartment, unzipped his pants and proceeded to expose his penis to her.
According to Tulsa Police, officers were dispatched to a woman’s apartment complex after a woman reported a strange man inside her apartment who apparently decided to give her a sneak peak at his junk.
Investigators say 63-year-old Pamela McWilliams had just arrived home when she heard a loud thump on her door.
Before the woman could answer her door, Weis reportedly barged into her apartment uninvited, looked inside her bedroom closet and then sat on the woman’s living room couch.
That’s when he reportedly unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis and stated “Do you want some of this?”
The woman immediately fled the apartment while screaming for help.
Neighbors heard the woman’s cries and subdued Weis until police could arrive to the scene.
Weis was booked into the Tulsa County Jail and charged with first-degree burglary and indecent exposure. His bond has been set at $25,000.

…
What’s the old saying, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take? I’m not saying David Weis should have gone into a complete stranger’s home, whipped out his dick and asked if she “wanted some of this”. But what’s the alternative? Stay home and watch TV? Always wondering if somewhere out in that big blue earth there sits a person waiting for a stranger to walk into their house and ask if they want some cock. Sure David Weis might be in jail but at least now he has some closure, which when you think about it, is really priceless.

Two Vaginas

2012-01-21T07:15:00.000-05:00

Her name is Hazel Jones — and the 27-year-old beauty has been making the media rounds across the pond to discuss “uterus didelphys” … a condition which caused her to develop 2 sets of female reproductive organs. In other words, two vaginal canals with two openings.

Hazel recently told British tabloid The Sun that she’s not shy about her condition — insisting she and her husband have shown it off at sex clubs around the U.K.

Enter Vivid Entertainment honcho Steve Hirsch [that sounds like a different movie...] … who heard Hazel’s story … and immediately reached out to the woman with a MASSIVE offer to film her double hoo-hah in action.
In the letter, Hirsch writes, “You are obviously an extraordinary woman and I would like to make you an offer to star in an upcoming Vivid production. We would pay you up to $1 million for your services
The YouTube video is here

A new review of 60 years of evidence suggests that the G-spot doesn't exist.

2012-01-20T18:12:00.000-05:00

Many women swear they have one, but a new review of 60 years of sex research shows science still can't definitively find the G-spot.

Researchers have used surveys, imaging scans and biopsies of women, all trying to locate and define the presumably orgasmic area on the vaginal wall known as the G-spot. Based on a review of 96 published studies, an Israeli and American research team came to one conclusion.

"Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist," said Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut, and lead author of the review, published Jan. 12 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Kilchevsky conceded the work is not "1,000 percent conclusive," allowing that other scientists could one day find something his team missed. But they would need new technology to do it, he said.

A half-century quest

The G-spot was named in honor of the late Dr. Ernst Gräfenberg, who in 1950 described a particularly sensitive 1- to 2-centimeter wide area on the vaginal wall. Gräfenberg's description put Western medicine on a quest to define and learn more about the spot, purported to be a few centimeters in from the vaginal opening, on the vaginal wall toward the front of a woman's body.
But Gräfenberg wasn't the first to write about such an erogenous zone. The Kamasastra and Jayamangala scripts dating back to 11th century India describe a similar sensitive area, according to the new study.

Modern surveys of women on the subject only confounded the search. From a review of 29 surveys and observational studies, Kilchevsky concluded that a majority of women believe a G-spot actually exists, although some of those women also say they can't locate it.

Other researchers have looked for physical evidence. Biopsies of tissue taken from the vaginal wall often find more nerve endings in the area of the purported G-spot than in other regions of the vaginal wall. But Kilchevsky and his colleagues also found biopsy studies with inconclusive results, and the authors point out that sensitivity in the human body isn't determined by the number of nerve endings alone.
One 2008 study used ultrasound imaging to explore the vaginal wall of women, and found evidence of thicker tissue in the area of the G-spot among women who reported having vaginal orgasms. Women who said they had never had vaginal orgasms had thinner tissue in that area. However, other imaging studies included in Kilchevsky's review couldn't find a conclusive G-spot.

Ultimately, Kilchevsky said he hopes his conclusions support women who worry they can't find the G-spot at home.

"Women who can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration don't have anything wrong with them," he said.

Kilchevsky doesn't think women who claim to have a G-spot are crazy either. "What they're likely experiencing is a continuation of the clitoris," he said. G-spot skeptics often point out that the tissue of the clitoris extends into the body, behind it where the G-spot would be located.

One study may yield clues
One study in the review kept "the possibility of a discrete G-spot viable," according to Kilchevsky.

A Rutgers University research team recently asked several women to stimulate themselves in a functional magnetic resonance (fMRI) machine. Brain scans showed stimulating the clitoris, vagina and cervix lit up distinct areas of the women's sensory cortex. This means the brain registered distinct feelings between stimulating the clitoris, the cervix and the vaginal wall – where the G-spot is famed to be.

Barry Komisaruk, the lead author of the fMRI study and professor of psychology at Rutgers University, advocates calling it the G-area, or G-region, instead.

"I think that the bulk of the evidence shows that the G-spot is not a particular thing. It's not like saying, 'What is the thyroid gland?'" Komisaruk said. "The G-spot is more of a thing like New York City is a thing. It's a region, it's a convergence of many different structures."

Komisaruk said that pressing on the area proclaimed to be the G-spot also presses the urethra and a structure called Skene's gland, which is analogous to the male prostate.

"Each of those areas have different nerve sites," said Komisaruk. "I think there's good enough data that a lot of women feel that that is a particularly sensitive region."

Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and author of "Great in Bed" (DK Publishing, 2011), pointed out that ambiguity is nothing new in sexual research.
"I'm not sure why some people get caught up in this desire to find this anatomic thing that is the end all be all," Herbenick said.
Findings from the well-known Australian researcher Dr. Helen O'Connell show the vagina, clitoris and urethra may act as "clitoral complex," during sex, Herbenick said. Any time one of these parts is moved or stimulated, it moves and stimulates the others.

"We don't even have orgasm all figured out yet, I don't why we would expect to have the G-spot figured out," Herbenick said.

Rate My Rat

2012-01-18T08:37:00.000-05:00

New York City subway workers are hosting a contest for riders to rate the level of rat infestation at their home stations. The Transport Workers Union 100 is giving away a free unlimited MetroCard pass to whichever rider posts the "best" photo or video of subway rats to their site.
Among the many options offered on the site, you can visit the "Rat Gallery" to check out other user photos like the so-called beer rat pictured above.

The contest is actually part of an effort by the employees to get the subways cleared of the growing rat infestation. Local affiliate WGAL writes that the effort has already produced significant clean-ups at 20 stations. But as the subway workers write on the site, there are many more MTA venues still awaiting rat purges:

Rats are proliferating in the New York City subways. Riders overwhelmingly agree--it's getting worse. Aggressive rats are bolder about coming onto the platforms, and have even been known to bite riders. They invest the "refuse rooms" where garbage is stored. Since the Transport Workers Union began shining a spotlight on this problem, the MTA has announced a program to clean 20 stations--that's less than four percent of the stations system wide. It's not enough. More must be done!

Meanwhile, MTA riders and employees who were unable to capture an award-winning photo of their rat trauma can still contribute a written testimonial to the site's "Rat Tale" section

Oh No Barbie

2012-01-17T08:33:00.000-05:00

Iran's morality police are cracking down on the sale of Barbie dolls to protect the public from what they see as pernicious western culture eroding Islamic values, shopkeepers said on Monday.

As the West imposes the toughest ever sanctions on Iran and tensions rise over its nuclear program, inside the country the Barbie ban is part of what the government calls a "soft war" against decadent cultural influences.

"About three weeks ago they (the morality police) came to our shop, asking us to remove all the Barbies," said a shopkeeper in a toy shop in northern Tehran.

Iran's religious rulers first declared Barbie, made by U.S. company Mattel Inc, un-Islamic in 1996, citing its "destructive cultural and social consequences." Despite the ban, the doll has until recently been openly on sale in Tehran shops.

The new order, issued around three weeks ago, forced shopkeepers to hide the leggy, busty blonde behind other toys as a way of meeting popular demand for the dolls while avoiding being closed down by the police.

A range of officially approved dolls launched in 2002 to counter demand for Barbie have not proven successful, merchants told Reuters.

The dolls named Sara, a female, and Dara, a male arrived in shops wearing a variety of traditional dress, with Sara fully respecting the rule that all women in Iran must obey in public, of covering their hair and wearing loose-fitting clothes.

"My daughter prefers Barbies. She says Sara and Dara are ugly and fat," said Farnaz, a 38-year-old mother, adding that she could not find Barbie cartoon DVDs as she was told they were also banned from public sale.

Pointing to a doll covered in black long veil, a 40-year-old Tehran toy shop manager said: "We still sell Barbies but secretly and put these in the window to make the police think we are just selling these kinds of dolls."

Iran has fought a running battle to purge pervasive western culture from the country since its Islamic revolution overthrew a western-backed king in 1979, enforcing Islamic dress codes, banning Western music and foreign satellite television.

As another swipe at the West, Iranians will soon be able to buy toy versions of the U.S. spy drone that it captured in December, Iranian media reported.

Models of the bat-wing RQ-170 Sentinel - which Iran's military displayed on TV after it was downed near the Afghan border - will be mass produced in a variety of colors, reports said.

Miracle Beer Diet

2012-01-16T07:55:00.002-05:00

Healthline 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Beer

2012-01-15T07:55:00.000-05:00

Not Surprising to the Brew Crew!

Beer drinkers rejoice: Your favorite brew may be healthier than you think.
For years, wine drinkers have indulged without guilt, reveling in the news that red wine can help protect against heart disease. Recent research shows that beer can also be good for what ails you, from reducing risk for broken bones to helping warding off diabetes and mental decline. It can even increase longevity, a large study suggests.
However, the key to tapping into beer’s benefits is moderation, meaning just one 12-ounce beer per day for women and two for men. Heavy drinking ups the threat of liver damage, some cancers, and heart problems. Bingeing on brewskis can also make you fat, since a 12-ounce regular beer has about 150 calories, while light beer has about 100.

Here are 10 surprising—and healthy—reasons to cheer about your next beer.

1. Stronger Bones

Beer contains high levels of silicon, which is linked to bone health. In a 2009 study at Tufts University and other centers, older men and women who swigged one or two drinks daily had higher bone density, with the greatest benefits found in those who favored beer or wine. However, downing more than two drinks was linked to increased risk for fractures.
For the best bone-building benefits, reach for pale ale, since a 2010 study of 100 types of beer from around the word identified these brews as richest in silicon, while light lagers and non-alcoholic beers contained the least.

2. A Stronger Heart

A 2011 analysis of 16 earlier studies involving more than 200,000 people, conducted by researchers at Italy’s Fondazion di Ricerca e Cura, found a 31 percent reduced risk of heart disease in those who quaffed about a pint of beer daily, while risk surged in those who guzzled higher amounts of alcohol, whether beer, wine, or spirits.
More than 100 studies also show that moderate drinking trims risk of heart attacks and dying from cardiovascular disease by 25 to 40 percent, Harvard reports. A beer or two a day can help raise levels of HDL, the “good” cholesterol that helps keep arteries from getting clogged.

3. Healthier Kidneys

A study in Finland singled out beer among other alcoholic drinks, finding that each bottle of beer men drank daily lowered their risk of developing kidney stones by 40 percent. One theory is that beer’s high water content helped keep kidneys working, since dehydration increases kidney stone risk.
It’s also possible that the hops in beer help curb leeching of calcium from bones; that “lost” calcium also could end up in the kidneys as stones.

4. Boosting Brain Health

A beer a day may help keep Alzheimer’s disease and other dementia at bay, researchers say.
A 2005 study tracking the health of 11,000 older women showed that moderate drinkers (those who consumed about one drink a day) lowered their risk of mental decline by as much as 20 percent, compared to non-drinkers. In addition, older women who downed a drink a day scored as about 18 months “younger,” on average, on tests of mental skills than the non-drinkers.

3. Healthier Kidneys

4. Boosting Brain Health

8. Reduced Risk for Diabetes

Drink up: A 2011 Harvard study of about 38,000 middle-aged men found that when those who only drank occasionally raised their alcohol intake to one to two beers or other drinks daily, their risk of developing type 2 diabetes dropped by 25 percent. The researchers found no benefit to quaffing more than two drinks. The researchers found that alcohol increases insulin sensitivity, thus helping protect against diabetes.

9. Lower Blood Pressure

Wine is fine for your heart, but beer may be even better: A Harvard study of 70,000 women ages 25 to 40 found that moderate beer drinkers were less likely to develop high blood pressure—a major risk factor for heart attack—than women who sipped wine or spirits.

10. Longer Life

In a 2005 review of 50 studies, the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) reported that moderate drinkers live longer. The USDA also estimates that moderate drinking prevents about 26,000 deaths a year, due to lower rates of heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.
These benefits appear to apply in other countries as well, with an earlier study reporting that, “if European beer drinkers stopped imbibing, there would be a decrease in life expectancy of two years—and much unhappiness.”

A Golden Guide To Hallucinogenic Plants

2012-01-14T09:13:00.000-05:00

Tim Tebow is everywhere

2012-01-13T06:08:00.000-05:00

Twinkies Bankrupt

2012-01-12T07:38:00.000-05:00

Hostess Brands Inc., the maker of Twinkies snack cakes and Wonder bread, fell back into bankruptcy about three years after completing an earlier restructuring.
The Irving, Texas-based baker ended an earlier trip through bankruptcy court in February 2009 when buyout firm Ripplewood Holdings LLC and lenders took control of Interstate Bakeries Corp., which was renamed Hostess Brands.
IBC Sales Corp., also known as Interstate Bakeries Corp., filed its Chapter 11 petition in U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Manhattan, listing assets of as much as $1 billion and debt of more than $1 billion.
Interstate Bakeries was created through the merger of Schulze Baking Co. and Western Bakeries Ltd. in 1937, and grew by acquiring other baking companies, according to court documents filed in the first bankruptcy case. It acquired its biggest rival, Continental Baking Co., in 1995 for $330 million, according to the company's website.
The company's baked goods include Hostess CupCakes, Ding Dongs, Drake's Devil Dogs, and Nature's Pride breads. It employs about 20,000 people at bakeries, distribution centers and outlet stores across the country, according to the website.
In September 2004, burdened with declining sales combined with high labor and ingredient costs, Interstate filed for bankruptcy in Kansas City, Missouri. During the case, it closed facilities, cut delivery routes and eliminated jobs.
The company exited bankruptcy in February 2009 with a restructuring plan backed by New York-based Ripplewood and lenders including Silver Point Capital LP, according to court documents. Union workers also agreed to concessions to cut labor costs.
Ripplewood invested $130 million for stock and convertible notes. Lenders also received shares in the company, according to a description of the bankruptcy plan.

Farts For Sale

2012-01-11T07:19:00.002-05:00

You think you got a sh*tty present for Christmas? Well at least you didn't get a jar of farts.

Of all the whimsical items for purchase on eBay, this is one of the stinkiest. Seller kbug1978 has a very unique product for sale, farts. It's not just farts, it's her farts in a very dainty, charming jar.

Here's the details on this precious eBay trinket:

Okay so here is the story. I joined the gym and started to eat right. Well apparently my body is not used to the "Healthy Food" that its been given and is giving me some pretty harsh smelling gas. You know the ones that kind of burn when they come out. Well, I farted by my brother and it made him literally sick. He said I should "Sell That Sh*t" So I decided to take his word for it. I have been doing research on the best ways to fart in a container and have the smell be just as potent as a fresh fart. So not to give you all my details it starts in the tub. That way I am able to capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. So if you want a REAL gag gift....this would be great! ( I have tested farts up to two weeks and they are still 100% potent as the first fart) When you purchase the Fart In a Jar, I will also be sending a picture of myself! Thanks for looking....Have a great day.

So this girl is attempting to make some money on her colon cleanse? America, what a country! The good news is that the auction for this container of sh*t wind is ongoing and you still have two days to purchase this container of rectum puff. The winning bid is merely $2.50, so if you want a jar of farts, it won't set you back a lot. No offense to this fine lady, but if this was say the ass gas of say Irina Shayk or Kate Upton, I'd imagine that the bids would be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

Gary Busey Sells Kias

2012-01-10T07:16:00.001-05:00

Expensive toilet paper

2012-01-09T07:10:00.000-05:00

It looks like we’ve already got one solid lock for the FilmDrunk Memorial Drunkard of the Year, 2012 Edition. Probably nothing will ever beat this guy, but Carmen Tisch here made a valiant play for it, on the basis of sheer property damage alone. She was in the middle of admiring a $30 million Clyfford Still painting at the Clyfford Still Museum in Denver, and did what any true art lover would do: she rubbed her bare ass on it “before collapsing in a heap and urinating on herself.” My sources tell me she went to the Wexler-Cavendish Finishing School for Debutantes and summered in St. Barth’s. “This one’s a real gem!” -her neck tattoo.

A 36-year-old Denver woman, apparently drunk, leaned against an iconic Clyfford Still painting worth more than $30 million last week, punched it, slid down it and urinated on herself, according to a criminal case against Carmen Lucette Tisch.
“You have to wonder where her friends were.” said Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney’s Office, said Wednesday.

That’s the beauty of Project Mayhem, everyone contributes in their own way.

“It doesn’t appear she urinated on the painting or that the urine damaged it, so she’s not being charged with that.”
Tisch allegedly committed the offense with her pants pulled down, according to the police report, and struck the painting repeatedly with her fist.
Damage to the painting — “1957-J-No. 2.” — is estimated at $10,000.
The painting, which is nearly 9 1/2 feet tall and 13 feet wide, is estimated between $30 million and $40 million by the museum.

I don’t know how she’s going to afford that, she doesn’t even have a pot to piss in! (*slips on banana peel, doused with silly string*)

Whether the damage affects the painting’s value, however, depends on several factors, including whether it remains a museum piece or goes on the market. Sometimes such damage becomes part of piece’s history, Ivar Zeile, owner of Plus Gallery in Denver said.
“It does damage the piece, though, even people just knowing that happened,” he said. [DenverPost]

She should’ve pissed on the guy who decided that cow’s hide is worth $40 million. Art is stupid, long live Project Mayhem. (*shits on cop car, passes out*)

Happy Bday Elvis

2012-01-08T10:02:00.000-05:00

News we missed

2012-01-07T20:09:00.001-05:00

What did we miss?

Happy New Years 2012

Verne's Birthday January 1

Aria's Birthday January 3

Voting in Iowa

Tim Howard Scores

We're Back

2012-01-07T18:05:00.000-05:00

Donating Sperm can be emotional and a threat

2011-12-26T07:15:00.000-05:00

An electronics company engineer who the U.S. government considers a one-man sperm bank has fathered an estimated 14 children through free donations of his semen that he advertises over the Internet.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration says the San Francisco Bay-area sperm donor poses a threat to public health and has ordered him to stop or face up to a year in prison and a $100,000 fine.
But Trent Arsenault, a healthy, 36-year-old bachelor who professes a strong religious upbringing, sees his sperm giveaways as acts of compassion and insists he's not abandoning his genetic generosity without a fight.
"Whatever happens with me sets a precedent, which could mean a lot of childless couples," he told Reuters on Monday. "Does the government need to be in people's bedrooms?"
He and the FDA are now embroiled in what is believed to be the first legal battle of its kind, one that has drawn national media attention and could test the limits of the agency's authority to regulate private donations of sperm offered as gifts directly to prospective mothers rather than through commercial sperm banks.
Such donations, often provided by men who are close friends of the recipients, have grown more frequent as single women, lesbian partners and heterosexual couples with fertility problems increasingly turn to alternative sources for artificial insemination.
Arsenault's prolific willingness to share his genetic material, which he promotes on a website touting his fitness as a donor, caught the scrutiny of the FDA.
PROLIFIC DONOR
During the past five years, he has given his sperm on more than 328 occasions to at least 46 women, resulting in 14 births, according to the FDA's best estimates from documentation Arsenault himself provided. This, the agency maintains, poses a risk to public health.
"Under FDA's regulations, sperm donors are required to be screened for risk factors that may increase the chances of transmitting a communicable disease," FDA spokesperson Rita Chappelle explained in an email.
Sperm banks must comply with precise requirements that include a battery of tests to ensure that the donated sperm does not carry human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), hepatitis B or C, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, human T-lymphotropic virus, cytomegalovirus or various genetic disorders.
Arsenault gets himself screened every six months for that entire list of diseases but cannot afford the specific FDA-approved tests he is supposed to undergo within seven days of each sperm donation, at a cost of $1,700, he said.
The stringent, costly testing regimen is the main reason sperm banks charge hundreds of dollars for their services, says Sherron Mills, executive director of the Pacific Reproductive Services in San Francisco.
Rates there range from $425 to $600 or more per insemination, and any woman who finds such a sum too onerous to pay is probably unable to afford routine costs associated with being a parent, Mills said. "Once you have kids, it costs every bit as much every month," she said.
INSPECTORS AT THE DOOR
FDA regulators paid four visits last year to Arsenault's home in Fremont, California, a few miles east of San Francisco, to inspect what they regarded as his sperm-bank operation there, even though he only provides his own semen and does not charge for his services.
The FDA's inquiry culminated last fall with one final visit by agency officials to his home, accompanied by police, to hand-deliver the cease-and-desist order.
Chappelle declined to say whether the agency is investigating any other freelance sperm donors, many of whom advertise their services on the Internet. But Arsenault has retained a lawyer who is handling his court challenge.
Pending the outcome of the case, the FDA has refrained from enforcing its order, and Arsenault said he has continued to donate sperm.
Besides providing greater health safeguards, Mills said, sperm banks offer their customers stronger legal protection from donors who might try to assert their paternity rights after a child is born.
Arsenault signs forms waiving any parental rights. But Mills said such agreements have been voided in some California cases when a medical doctor was absent from the transaction.
Eleanor Nicoll, spokeswoman for the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, said the involvement of a physician is beneficial in and of itself. "If you're trying to address a medical problem, you should seek medical treatment," she said.
But Arsenault argues that outlawing the kind of free service he provides runs the risk of driving some women to seek sperm donations from more questionable sources.
"If you shut out the sperm donors, they are going to have to meet some bar dude," he said. "Spouses would have to cheat on each other."
Arsenault said he gets to know couples before donating to them and maintains relationships with many of the children conceived with his sperm, one reason he doesn't want to stop.
"I have made a commitment to families I donated to," he said. "It's a big emotional process to partner with a donor."

Santa vs Satan

2011-12-25T14:17:00.000-05:00

l

40 psyche-pop tunes serve as the soundtrack for the bizarre Santa Claus vs.The Devil (1959) in a special Christmas Eve mix from us to you.
01. “Is Anybody Home” - The Mirage
02. “Henry Adams” - The Frederic
03. “Princess Of The Gingerland” - Glitterhouse
04. “Travelling Circus” - The Epics
05. ‘Punch And Judy Man” - Pop Workshop
06. “Red, White And You” - Sounds Around
07. “The View” - Gary Walker and The Rain
08. “Tomorrow Today” - Kippington Lodge
09. “You’ll Find Me Anywhere” - Hi-Revving Tongues
10. Mix within the mix featuring The Groop, The Kinks,
The Tages, The Exceptions, The Cyrkle, Frank Zappa,
The Zombies, Mark Eric, The Sidewalk Skipper Band,
The Beach Boys, Stained Glass, The Shaggy Boys,
Free Design, Eternity’s Children, Summer Snow,
The Counts, Johnny Cobb and The Attractions,
The Family Tree (courtesy of FCR)
11. “What Are You Gonna Do” - The Summer Set
12. “Stop” - The Pan Pipers
13. “My Race Is Run” - The Motleys
14. “Buses” - The Hung Jury
15. “Alfred Appleby” - The Carnival Connection
16. “You Gotta Be With Me” - The Onyx
17. “Midnite Thoughts” - The World Column
18. “In The Land Of Make Believe” Jennifer’s Friend
19. “Walk In The Sky” The Crackerjack Society
20. “Your Way To Tell Me Go” - Plastic Penny
21. “Green Circles (Italian version)” - The Small Faces

There are so many - albeit unintentionally - disturbing elements to Rene Cardona’s film that it’s difficult to select just one. Advertised as “an enchanting world of make-believe”, it’s a whacked out battle between Father Chrimbo and Satan, who sends his minion, Pitch, to interfere in the spreading of comfort and joy. Prime nuggets? Pitch whispering to the young ‘uns that Santa’s actually a murderer (classy!) and Santa’s cloud-borne castle that looks less like a cheery base for making toys and more like something from a Bond villain’s architectural wet dream.

Santa Claus vs. The Devil vs. Psyche Pop from Django's Ghost on Vimeo.

Enjoy the music. I don’t think you’ll miss the dialog. Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T08:24:00.000-05:00

Drunk History Christmas

2011-12-23T05:14:00.001-05:00

It has Eva Mendez, so it's not that bad

Last Minute Gift Ideas

2011-12-21T05:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Bday Lucy

2011-12-20T05:22:00.002-05:00

Senior Sex

2011-12-19T05:22:00.000-05:00

Ewwwww!

What a bunch of idiots at Bunche Beach.
First clue it's a trap: You're a senior between 62-81 years old and a younger man indicates that he may be interested in having sex with you — at a public park.

Lee County Sheriff's Office undercover detects conducted a sting operation at Bunche Beach after receiving complaints of men participating in acts of lewdness in public, according to a Lee County Sheriff's Office news release.
During the two-hour sting, three men approached undercover male detectives at separate times and engaged in conversations indicating they were looking for some sexual action. All three men exposed themselves to the detectives.
Busted and deflated:
Larry Dean Richardson, 62, of Deerfield, Illinois; Martin Schasel, 73, of Holland, New York, and James Tobin, 81, of Fort Myers, were all charged with engaging, committing or offering lewdness.

6 Offbeat Holidays remain

2011-12-18T05:51:00.000-05:00

1. December 18th: National Wear a Plunger on Your Head Day
Allegedly there once was a Hallmark card for National Wear a Plunger on Your Head Day, therefore it must be a real holiday. If you choose to celebrate, let’s everyone agree to use new plungers.
2. December 20th: Louisiana Purchase Day
On this day in 1803, France officially relinquished its control of New Orleans to the United States, thus giving America over 800,000 square miles of new territory. The Louisiana Purchase did not actually include what we know today as the entire state of Louisiana; only the territory west of the Mississippi, as Spain still had ownership of the rest of it.
3. December 22nd: The Shortest Day of the Year
For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, December 22nd is the shortest day of the year — the day when the Earth’s axial tilt is farthest away from the sun. While there’s no official ceremonial observance, it is believed that mystical structures such as Stonehenge and Newgrange were built with the sunrise and set of winter solstice in mind. And for all the Jim Henson fans out there, you can awaken the Great Bell at the center of Fraggle Rock by giving gifts and ringing tiny bells.
4. December 22nd: Head to Plymouth for Forefathers’ Day
Observed primarily in Plymouth, Massachusetts, since the late 1700s, Forefathers’ Day commemorates the Pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock in 1620. The traditional celebratory dish served for Forefathers’ Day is Plymouth Succotash, with corned beef, fowl, salt pork, beans, potatoes and green-top turnips.
5. December 23rd: A Day to Air All Grievances
Then of course, there’s always Festivus for the rest of us. Invented by fictional Seinfeld character Frank Costanza, this secular holiday that involves gathering around an aluminum pole and airing out your grievances has continued to gain a following since its introduction in 1997. If you haven’t seen the episode, there’s an entire website that spells out how to celebrate Festivus from start to finish. (Note: It wasn’t technically invented by Frank Costanza. As reader Mike points out, it was the creation of Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe’s father. Test your Festivus knowledge with this quiz.)
6. December 26th: Alms for the Poor and Goals for the Soccer Players
Boxing Day may have been inspired by King Wenceslas, who one December 26th decided to gather up all of his leftover food, wine and gifts and bequeath them to a peasant. While he inspired the holiday, it is believed the Church of England technically founded it. There’s also speculation that it happened to be the day aristocrats give presents to their servants, and Boxing Day evolved from there. Today, Boxing Day has no real religious connotation and is more of an extra day off to drink and watch sports. Nonetheless it is still a national holiday in the UK and many countries once part of the British Empire.
* * *
Does reading this list make you think just about anyone can start his or her own offbeat holiday? You’re probably right. Feel free to lobby for your own new day of celebration in the commen

Where to go for a drink

2011-12-17T05:39:00.000-05:00

Finally a website to help you find drinking establishments

45 Best Mugshots of 2011

2011-12-16T08:17:00.000-05:00

Scoth anyone

2011-12-15T05:13:00.000-05:00

As a Christmas present to the world, Johnnie Walker recruited the voluptuous ginger queen Christina Hendricks to model their product. Simple yet sexy, it's the hottest fully-clothed marketing campaign we've come across in a while. After browsing, that sudden compulsion to throw on a John Coltrane LP ("My Favorite Things," perhaps?) and kick back a few Scotches-on-the-rocks in the yuletide glow of your Christmas tree is no coincidence, my friend. Ah, a smooth, blended-whisy toast to the refined things in life. Just save some of the Blue, please. Proceed to the next few pages for 10 slides of Hendricks as a JW pitchwomen. Happy holidays.

Man prints fake obituary of own mom to get day off work

2011-12-14T08:02:00.001-05:00

A 45-year-old Pennsylvania man has been charged with a crime after publishing a fake obituary of his own mother in order to get time off work.
It sounds like the sort of unfeeling stunt worthy of "Seinfeld" character George Costanza, but Scott Bennett has been charged with disorderly conduct after sending in the fake obituary to the Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper, which then ran the story. Democrat editor Randy Bartley said the obituary was accepted in good faith, even though his staff had been unable to confirm the funeral arrangement details as of press time.
And to paraphrase the famous Mark Twain line, reports of the woman's death were greatly exaggerated.
Bennet's mother was, indeed, the whistleblower in the case, placing a series of calls to Bartley and Democrat staffers, insisting she was in fact still alive.
But like any good journalism outlet, the Jeffersonian Democrat needed more facts. So Ms. Bennett showed up to the paper in person to prove her existence. Bartley said that, all things considered, she was "very understanding" about her own falsely reported death.

Police Chief Ken Dworek says Bennett wrote up the memorial notice because he didn't want to get fired for taking time off.

Swingers Club Shut Down

2011-12-13T07:58:00.003-05:00

Seffner, a community of about 5,500 people, apparently housed a new attraction: A swingers pad.
But authorities shutdown the swingers house, an unassuming home that sat behind a white picket fence well off the street, and arrested four people accused of operating the business, reports the St. Petersburg Times.

Inside the swingers club, detectives found three bedrooms lined wall to wall with beds. The living-room had some unique decor: A dancing pole, a spanking table and large-screen TVs playing porno films, according to reports.
Busted: Owners and operators Steven Bowers, 56, and his wife, Cynthia Lynn Bowers, 55, both of St. Petersburg, plus an Orlando couple, Ricky Zabala, 55, and his wife, Pamela Zabala, 54, who ran the club when the owners were away.
Authorities say they saw as many as 50 folks at one time inside the home when they were in the full swing of things.

Happy Bday Jennifer

2011-12-12T05:11:00.004-05:00

Santa 2 weeks away

2011-12-11T07:21:00.000-05:00

Ready or not, he is coming down your chimney in 2 weeks

Hangover Cure for sale

2011-12-10T08:19:00.002-05:00

The "Alka-Seltzer like tablet" is not an actual new ingredient, but rather a potent combination of caffeine, aspirin and an antacid. ABC News reports that the product, called "Blowfish," is already available at the Ricky's pharmaceutical chain in New York City and is scheduled to be introduced nationally in January.
"It's the only over-the-counter drug that's specifically hangover related," Blowfish creator Brenna Haysom told ABC News. "The [Food and Drug Administration] has specifically said our formula is effective for treating hangover symptoms."
Technically, the FDA did not have to approve of the product as a "hangover cure," since it is composed of ingredients already available for over-the-counter sales. But agency officials did have to approve of the drug's packaging.
"Like all drug packaging, it has a lot of warnings for people with certain conditions," Haysom said. "And pregnant women should not take it, but hopefully they don't need to be taking it!"

Is Blowfish the long-sought "hangover cure?"

Of course, there's no proof that this self-described cure would be any more effective than taking aspirin, caffeine and antacid in separate forms. But in spite--or maybe because of--the paucity of scientifically tested cures, the hangover remedy has become its own cottage industry, with various treatments ranging from greasy food to Kung Fu. The most commonly accepted way of mitigating the harmful effects of alcohol, short of abstaining, is drinking water. But the Blowfish pill does pack a powerful punch, containing 1,000mg of aspirin and 120 milligrams of caffeine, more than what's found in the typical cup of coffee.
"Almost no research at all has been done on the hangover state," said Dr. Timothy Collins, associate professor of medicine and neurology at Duke University Medical Center's Pain and Palliative Care Clinic., told ABC. "One of the things we know from headache clinical trials is that at least 25 percent of patients getting a placebo say it worked really well for them. One in four people are going to say this helps, but we just don't know."
Nonetheless, the makers of Blowfish are confident enough in their product's performance to offer a money-back guarantee.

Kid Enjoys A Beer During A Soccer Match

2011-12-08T05:25:00.000-05:00

0digg

How long does it take a child to drink a beer at a soccer game? No one knows the exact answer to that question, but after watching the following clip of a youngster enjoying a beer during Sunday’s Bundesliga match between FC Augsburg and FC Schalke, we are led to believe that the answer lies somewhere around 25 minutes.
That conclusion was drawn from the evidence in the video below, which shows a child enjoying a beer and wiener schnitzel in the 62nd minute of the match, before washing said beer and schnitzel down with a water (or full glass of vodka) in the 89th minute.
The legal drinking age in Germany may be 16, but I guess it is never too early to begin expanding your child’s palate.

Best Photos of the Year - Brew Crew choice

2011-12-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

Best Photos of the Year - Reuters choice

2011-12-07T05:45:00.001-05:00

Why do we watch tennis?

2011-12-06T11:41:00.000-05:00

Sweet Caroline (GIF)

0digg

I’m not quite sure if this move makes Caroline Wozniacki look good or bad with her fans. On the one hand, anyone would love to be seated behind the sexy tennis star as she lifts her skirt and gives the viewers a sneak peak at her backside. However, the last time I checked, no one likes being teased, which is exactly what I would call it when a woman shakes her booty in your face

Prius was safe

2011-12-05T05:39:00.001-05:00

Click to view image gallery (Photo: AFP Photo/Yomiuri Shinbun)

MORE AT YAHOO! AUTOS

Authorities in Japan were still reconstructing Monday how eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and a few Mercedes-Benzes wrecked on an expressway Sunday morning, coating the road in an Italian red metal sauce worth more than $1 million. It’s not a sight for those squeamish about totaled supercars.

Some 14 cars in all were involved in the chain-reaction crash on an expressway named China Road in Yamaguchi prefecture, leaving 10 people with minor injuries. While the injuries were light, several of the vehicles appear totaled.

How did so many Ferraris end up on the road together? The group — which Japanese police officials called “a gathering of narcissists” — were driving to a supercar meet-up in Hiroshima, where about 100 vehicles were expected to show. As one driver who was invited along but passed noted, it was unusual for such a drive to take the expressway — where speeds are closely monitored and traffic can be thicker due to lower tolls on Sundays. Even so, the Ferraris were estimated to have been running between 80 mph and 100 mph when the crash happened.

Police and video reports say the wreck began when a 60-year-old businessman from Fukushima driving a Ferrari F430 attempted to pass a Toyota Prius, but instead hit the guardrail. That set off a chain reaction among the cars driving in a tight formation behind the lead Ferrari, eventually wrapping up seven other Ferraris — namely a 360 Modena, F355 and a white Testarossa — along with a Lamborghini Diablo and a couple of high-end Mercedes.

The Prius sustained some rear bumper damage, but escaped relatively unharmed

Bacon Lover Rejoice!

2011-12-03T05:26:00.001-05:00

You've always been a lover of bacon.
Now you can be a bacon lover,
with baconlube™, the world's first
bacon-flavored personal lubricant
and massage oil.

Kentucky church bans interracial marriage

2011-12-02T05:17:00.003-05:00

A small Kentucky church has chosen to ban marriages and even some worship services for interracial couples. The Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church, located in Pike County, made the vote in response to a longtime member who is engaged to a man whose birthplace is in Zimbabwe.
Other pastoral leaders in the area were quick to denounce the church's vote. "It's not the spirit of the community in any way, shape or form," Randy Johnson, president of the Pike County Ministerial Association, told the Lexington Herald-Leader.
The small congregation, which usually hosts about 40 members each Sunday, held the vote after longtime member Stella Harville, brought her fiancé Ticha Chikuni to church with her in June. The couple performed a song together at the church in which Chikuni sang "I Surrender All," while Harville played the piano.
Chikuni, 29, who works at Georgetown College, is black--and Harville, who was baptized at the church but is not an active member, is white. Dean Harville, Stella's father, said he was told by the church's former pastor Melvin Thompson that his daughter and her fiancé were not allowed to sing at the church again. However, Thompson recently stepped down and the church's new pastor, Stacy Stepp, said the couple was once again welcome to sing.
Stepp's decision prompted Thompson to put forth a recommendation saying that while all members are welcome at the church, it does not "condone" interracial marriage, and that any interracial couples would not be received as members or allowed to participate in worship services. The only exception? Funerals.
The Harville family has formally requested the congregation to reconsider the interracial ban, and Thompson has also said he would like to resolve the issue, the area CBS affiliate WYMT has reported.

A copy of the recommendation, obtained by WYMT, reads in part:

That the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church does not condone interracial marriage. Parties of such marriages will not be received as members, nor will they be used in worship services and other church functions, with the exception being funerals. All are welcome to our public worship services. This recommendation is not intended to judge the salvation of anyone, but is intended to promote greater unity among the church body and the community we serve.

Members of the church held a vote on Thompson's proposed language, with nine voting in favor and six voting against. The other members in attendance chose not to vote.
Gawker notes that Pike County is 98 percent white and home to the infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud.
The Harville family doesn't see Gulnare's new policy promoting anything like unity or civil peace. "They're the people who are supposed to comfort me in times like these," Stella Harville said.
And Stella's father was much more forceful in his denunciation of the interracial ban. "It sure ain't Christian," Dean Harville said. "It ain't nothing but the old devil working."

Mountain Dew and Doritos cupcakes

2011-12-02T05:17:00.000-05:00

Mountain Dew and Doritos cupcakes, Coca Cola and Ruffles cupcakes, Nehi Grape and Cheerwine cupcakes… hooooly fuck yeah. These junk food cupcake creations are the invention of John Rivers, owner of 4Rivers Smokehouse in Orlando and the soon to be opened 4River Sweetshop.

“I love dishes that mix the sweet and savory,” he told TODAY.com. “I’m just having a lot of fun developing these recipes.”

Rivers, the man behind 4Rivers Smokehouse in Orlando, is opening a bakery called 4River Sweetshop that will feature some wild new treats, including Coke and Ruffles cupcakes, Mountain Dew and Doritos cupcakes, Cheerwine cupcakes and, still in the works, Nehi grape soda cupcakes.

We got a chance to sample some and we have to say, Coke and Ruffles come together to make one beautiful cupcake, baby. The soda-flavored icing is not too sweet and balances really well with the salty, crunchy chips that top the cupcake and are also added to the cake batter.

Rivers says that he hopes to create a whole line of chips and soda cupcakes. He’s currently looking for a mate to go with Nehi grape soda, after deciding that pretzels just weren’t the right fit.

Ideal

2011-12-01T05:15:00.002-05:00

Case Closed.

Happy Bday Elisha

2011-11-30T09:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Bday "Bud" John D

2011-11-27T08:38:00.001-05:00

"Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life."

Gold Christmas Tree Not For Sale

2011-11-27T08:34:00.000-05:00

One Tokyo Christmas tree has a special glow even amid the global economic gloom -- it's made of pure gold, and valued at $2 million.

A jewellery store in Tokyo's posh Ginza district teamed up with flower arrangement artist Shogo Kariyazaki to create the lavish Golden Christmas Tree.

Twelve kg (26 lb) of gold were used to make the 2.4 metre (8 foot) tree, which is adorned with ribbons, hearts and orchids, also made of gold.

The value of the gold is about $700,000 but the total value of the tree is much higher because of labour costs, said Naoto Mizuki, marketing general manager at the store.

"Considering the time it took to make, the designer and hard work put into it, we can assume that the cost of this tree would be approximately 150 million yen ($2 million)," he said.

The gleaming display caught the eyes of passersby.

"When you're looking at the tree, it really jumps out at you," said window-shopping housewife Kisoko Sakabe.

The tree is not for sale.

It will be on display at the store through to Christmas Day.

Frustrated wife puts gamer husband up for sale on Craigslist

2011-11-25T05:18:00.000-05:00

Guys, be careful how involved you get with this season's awesome crop of video games. Your wife may try to sell you off.

The happy couple (Photo credit: ABC News)

Kyle Baddley learned this the hard way earlier this month, when his wife Alyse got frustrated by his constant Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 playing and offered him up to the highest bidder on Craigslist. "I am selling my 22 year old husband," the ad read. "He enjoys eating and playing video games all day. Easy to maintain, just feed and water every 3-5 hours. You must have Internet and space for gaming. Got tired of waiting so free to good home. If acceptable replacement is offered will trade."
The ad, of course, was a joke. But that didn't stop people from replying.
One woman offered to retrain him. Another guy said he was willing to trade spots with Kyle, noting that he was both house-trained and preferred books to games.
"We didn't think we would get any responses at all, but we've gotten so many," Alyse said. "Someone even offered a blue bag of Skittles."
Some people, though, took it a bit too seriously. One person suggested she use the free time to go out on her own, while others wrote that they were concerned about Alyse's relationship with her husband.
Among the unconcerned was Kyle's mother. She not only encouraged Alyse to run the ad, she helped her write it.
Kyle, it seems, has learned his lesson and has pulled back a bit from his Modern Warfare 3 playtime. His father notes that the couple is headed to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with Kyle's sister.
Kyle's taking it in good humor -- but he points out for the record that his wife was in line with him when the game went on sale.
"I love my wife," he says. "She supported me when I got the game. We stayed until midnight to get the game when it first came out. It's just funny."

Thanksgiving Food Porn

2011-11-24T08:18:00.000-05:00

Must be over 18 or hungry to view

Christmas Billboard Yanked

2011-11-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

A billboard for Wodka vodka in NYC has been taken down and destroyed after complaints that the advertisement's message is anti-Semitic. The New York Times reported that the billboard featured a long-haired dog wearing a yarmulke and another dog wearing a Santa hat with the words, "Christmas quality, Hanukkah pricing," alongside the photo.

The backlash against the billboard was nearly instantaneous. Ron Meier, regional director of the Anti-Defamation League, called it "crude and offensive."
"To use the Jewish holiday in dealing with issues of money is clearly insensitive and inappropriate," Meier told the paper.
Brian Gordon, head of MMG, the advertising company behind the billboard, said the billboard's message was not intended to be offensive. "We thought people would perceive it as 'ha ha quirky.' But people perceived it as offensive, and because of that, we pulled it." Mr. Gordon, according to the Times, was "quick to point out" that he also is Jewish.

Wodka was quick to formally apologize as well, offering this explanation via its Twitter account:
"Although rarely serious, we apologize to anyone we may have offended through our holiday campaign and are removing our billboard immediately."

Happy Bday Jamie Lee

2011-11-22T09:35:00.000-05:00

2 Scientific Advances That Should Have Changed Everything

2011-11-21T18:31:00.001-05:00

#2. Robert Galbraith Heath Invented Brain-Fixing Electrodes 60 Years Ago

We've talked about the dickishness of some of Dr. Robert Galbraith Heath's experiments in the past. However, that's not all the man did. A large chunk of his work with Tulane University went a long way to revolutionize depression treatments. For instance, in the '70s, his team successfully treated several people previously labeled untreatable.
With electrodes.

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"'Dead' -- 'not depressed'... it's a matter of perspective."

Yes, his more than slightly supervillainy solution to treating one of the most difficult mental problems around was to hook up to 125 electrodes to a patient's brain. And while the mere mention of the words "electricity" and "brain" in the same sentence conjures images of Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Heath's method was actually specifically designed to ease the patient's mind by stimulating the pleasure center of the brain.
And it worked.

But the Problem Was ...
That's right; he found a way to just freaking inject electric pleasure into a human brain. It kind of sounds like the kind of discovery that should have changed civilization.
But Heath kept the experiments at a very low profile instead of going public for the "HOLY SHIT YOU CAN TOTALLY ELECTRIFY YOUR BRAIN INTO PLEASURE YOU GUYS" headlines. A quite possible reason for this was an incident in 1962: Heath was contacted by the CIA to see if his electrode trick could be used for interrogation by exploring the pain center instead.

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"Oh, and is there a way to make another person shit their pants? Just out of ... um ... curiosity."

Heath sanely dismissed the idea as plain disgusting, and proceeded to play his cards close to chest.
Another problem that stood between Heath and the embracing public was the fact that his electrodes needed to stimulate the brain at regular intervals, it wasn't like a one-time thing. This basically amounted to "brain pacemakers" that would have to stay in the brain for years. So the technology remained in the shadows, and even today, we are still treating it like it's barely out of the experimental stage. Though it could still make a comeback -- Columbia University has been toying with the technology in recent years.

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"You know, I think I'm OK with just being depressed."

How It Could Have Changed the World:
Let's talk figures.
Depression is one of the biggest health problems of the modern world, estimated to affect 19 million people in the U.S. alone. Its cumulative costs amount to a whopping $44 billion. And while it can be treated, it's far from an easy task -- medication is unpredictable and comes with side effects, and pretty much everyone needs a different treatment. It's hard to imagine what could have been accomplished with 50 years of evolution of Heath's electrode technology (which was proven to cure other mental illnesses, too).

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Such as the ironic compulsion to randomly shock your own head.

Then again, we guess that's also imagining a world where somebody wouldn't immediately think of some horrifying use for it. It ... kind of seems like the sort of thing a person could get addicted to.

#1. Henry Cavendish Revolutionized Science, but Didn't Tell Anyone

Henry Cavendish is probably the most prolific scientist you've never heard of. He was a talented chemist whose list of accomplishments includes, but is not limited to: the discovery of hydrogen, calculating the density of Earth and establishing his own versions of Richter's Law, Ohm's Law, Coulomb's Law, Charles's Law of Gases and Dalton's Law ... and he did it in the 1700s, many years before any of those guys for whom the laws would be named.
He was also a bit of a hardass. For instance, while Georg Ohm figured out his law about electrical conduction by messing around with wires, Cavendish just flat out subjected himself to electric shocks, using his own damn nervous system as a galvanometer.
So, a fearless badass with a scientific mind that put all his peers to shame? Hell, he's just a vast fortune away from being the Georgian era equivalent to Batman. Wait, he was the richest man in England? Never mind.

But the Problem Was ...
He didn't share his earth-shattering discoveries with anyone. Because he was nuts.
Cavendish more than compensated his talents by having some serious issues. He spent the majority of his time barricaded in his study, communicating with his housekeeper via notes. Female servants were ordered to keep away from his line of sight on pain of getting instantly fired. On the rare occasion he ventured to scientific society meetings, he lurked around wearing strange, out-of-date clothing; if someone addressed or even looked at him, he would scream and run away.

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He couldn't even look at the guy who did his damn portrait.

Knowing this, it's not surprising Cavendish didn't want to draw attention to himself and his little hobbies, lest he have to deal with people. In fact, we wouldn't even know about most of his discoveries had it not been for his private papers being looked through in 1879 by a James Clerk Maxwell ... nearly a century later.
How It Could Have Changed the World:
Cavendish made the majority of his discoveries decades before they were officially invented -- in the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution and the era of the steam engine. And when you look at said discoveries, you'll realize that many of his findings concerned pretty crucial stuff about thermodynamics and electricity.

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Things like, "Warning: Do not lick."

Now, imagine if England had figured out electricity decades before they actually did. With findings like Ohm's Law moved from 1827 to 1781, a vast thermodynamic and electrical knowledge suddenly at the scientific community's disposal and the public mind set in the "industrialize everything" mode that was the spirit of the era, the progress of technology would have been rapidly put to use. Gaslights could have become electrical ones within years, and the steam engine would've gone the way of the dodo. Great Britain might've entered the Victorian era fully lit, amped up and more powerful than ever, at no bigger price than the ruined dreams of potential future steampunk enthusiasts.
Which, now that we come to think of it, might not be a bad thing. There's also another side to the Electrified England scenario: We doubt that they would've been too keen to share their newly found power with America, what with one thing and another going on at the time. So it's entirely possible that they'd used their Cavendish tech against America, who'd have been back to eating tea and crumpets before they even realized it.

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"I heard him say 'robot.' What the fuck is a robot?"

So, thanks for being a grouch, Henry!

Turkey Frying Training

2011-11-20T15:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Bday Bo

2011-11-20T06:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Bday Meg

2011-11-19T06:29:00.000-05:00

The Big 50!

Happy Bday Megyn

2011-11-18T05:30:00.000-05:00

The Number One Reason to watch Fox News

Sex with animals may be tied to risk of penile cancer

2011-11-17T08:51:00.003-05:00

Men who have sex with animals may have an increased risk of penile cancer, a study finds.
A recent case-control study published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Sexual Medicine focused on men who lived in rural areas of Brazil.

Researchers compared the health and sex habits of 118 penile cancer patients to 374 healthy men who served as the control group. Among all the study participants 34.8% reported having sex with animals. More men in the cancer group reported having sex with animals than the controls, 44.9% versus 31.6%. Penile cancer is cancer of the tissue of the penis.
As for the why sex with animals may increase the risk of penile cancer, researchers theorize that it may cause microtrauma to penile tissue, which could come in contact animal secretions that are potentially harmful to humans. The association between having sex with animals and penile cancer may also be indicative of lifestyle choices, since those who had sex with animals also had more sex with prostitutes, more sexual partners and more sexually transmitted diseases than those who didn't.
Since the study participants grew up in rural areas, they had access to animals. The average age of first contact with an animal was 13.5, and the average age of last contact was 17.1. Since sex with animals stopped around the same time the men started having sex with humans, researchers said these episodes wouldn't necessarily constitute full-on zoophilia. Zoophilia entails not just having sex with animals, but also being sexually attracted to them and developing fantasies and obsessive urges about them as well.

Most men in the study -- 62% -- had sex with several animals and 38% used the same animal. Frequency and length of time varied: 14% had sex one time, while 39.5% had it weekly or more and 15% had in monthly. For about 80% of the study subjects the episodes lasted anywhere from a year to 26 years, but the average time was about four years.

As for the kinds of animals the men had sex with, mares were the most common, followed by donkeys, mules, goats, chickens, calves, cows, dogs, sheep and pigs.

Your Future Husband

2011-11-16T11:18:00.000-05:00

For the single and married women out there

SI Swimsuit 2011

2011-11-15T19:59:00.000-05:00

Need We Say More!

21 Reasons You Should Never Take Pictures With An iPad

2011-11-14T05:17:00.000-05:00

1. Because you're at a wedding
(via)
2. Because you're at a music festival
(via)
3. Because you're rioting
(via)
4. Because you're trying to look sexy
(via)
5. Because you're at football practice
(via)
6. Because you're also trying to look sexy
(via)
7. Because you're on the beach
(via)
8. Because you're at a rave
(via)
9. Because you're at the Humane Society/you have a sweet Mullet-Hawk
(via)
10. Because you're at a metal show
(via)
11. Because you're in the African desert
(via)
12. Because you're watching a beautiful sunset
(via)
13. Because you're at the Disneyland fireworks
(via)
14. Because you're watching the last Space Shuttle take off
(via)
15. Because everybody else is using them
(via)
16. Because you're 13
(via)
17. Because you're in the front row
(via)
18. Because you're at a parade without a shirt
(via)
19. Because you're at graduation
(via)
20. Because you're watching a powerpoint
(via)
21. Because you're Spike Lee and meeting President Obama

Alcohol Dangers

2011-11-12T05:11:00.007-05:00

http://www.thesmokingjacket.com/humor/hazards-of-drinking

God Bless Our Vets

2011-11-11T21:21:00.001-05:00

Happy Bday Demi

2011-11-11T20:20:00.000-05:00

Rick Perry Top 10

2011-11-11T05:45:00.002-05:00

Rock and Roll Christmas

2011-11-09T21:24:00.000-05:00

Live rock and roll is replacing recorded Christmas carols in the windows of Galeries Lafayette as the Parisian department store seeks to drum up curiosity, and client numbers, for this year's gift-buying season.
True to tradition, the shop is putting on a dazzling show for shoppers and tourists alike in the countdown to Christmas, but this year it is seeking to strike a chord with music-mad teenagers as much as fairytale fans young and old.
With a debt crisis forcing much of Europe into austerity, consumption has dropped in recent weeks, making crowd-pullers all the more important, even for upmarket stores that can count on a large tourist contingent in the heart of the French capital.

Rock legend Iggy Pop, bare-chested as always, has helped Galeries Lafayette get the show on the road, posing for photo fliers in red Santa hat and matching shoes in addition to his signature electric guitar.

The goal of reaching out to teenagers rather than toddlers is clear.

The opening weeks include nightly live shows in the window by a variety of major-label rock and folk bands, one from Mali, another from Australia and most of the others from France itself.

And apart from the live shows, furry creatures and fairytale puppets will give way this year to life-size mannequins in black leather to rag dolls draped in glamour garb -- all hand-made, hand-painted and more hard-edged than the customary annual display of smurfs, snowmen and abundant lovable puppets.

Galeries Lafayette, which first started doing its Christmas window shows after World War Two, says that this year's show was inspired by the increasingly close relationship between rock and fashion.

There are other good reasons.

French household spending dropped 1.3 percent in September versus the same month a year earlier and spending on clothing fell 7.3 percent, according to France's statistics office.

"Shoppers are so stretched at the moment that actually getting them into the stores is the first challenge," said Bryan Roberts, an analyst at Kantar Retail, an industry consultancy.

"Converting that shopper into a purchase is the next challenge."

RIP Smokin Joe

2011-11-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

Joe Frazier had to throw his greatest punch to knock down “The Greatest.” A vicious left hook from Frazier put Muhammad Ali on the canvas in the 15th round in March 1971 when he became the first man to beat him in the Fight of the Century at Madison Square Garden.

“That was the greatest thing that ever happened in my life,” Frazier said.

It was his biggest night, one that would never come again.
The relentless, undersized heavyweight ruled the division as champion, then spent a lifetime trying to fight his way out of Ali’s shadow.
Frazier, who died Monday night after a brief battle with liver cancer at the age of 67, will forever be associated with Ali. No one in boxing would ever dream of anointing Ali as The Greatest unless he, too, was linked to Smokin’ Joe.
“I will always remember Joe with respect and admiration,” Ali said in a statement. “My sympathy goes out to his family and loved ones.”
They fought three times, twice in the heart of New York City and once in the morning in a steamy arena in the Thrilla in Manila in the Philippines. They went 41 rounds together. Neither gave an inch and both gave it their all.
In their last fight in Manila in 1975, they traded punches with a fervor that seemed unimaginable among heavyweights. Frazier gave almost as good as he got for 14 rounds, then had to be held back by trainer Eddie Futch as he tried to go out for the final round, unable to see.
“Closest thing to dying that I know of,” Ali said afterward.
Ali was as merciless with Frazier out of the ring as he was inside it. He called him a gorilla, and mocked him as an Uncle Tom. But he respected him as a fighter, especially after Frazier won a decision to defend his heavyweight title against the then-unbeaten Ali in a fight that was so big Frank Sinatra was shooting pictures at ringside and both fighters earned an astonishing $2.5 million.
The night at the Garden 40 years ago remained fresh in Frazier’s mind as he talked about his life, career and relationship with Ali a few months before he died.
“I can’t go nowhere where it’s not mentioned,” he told The Associated Press.
Bob Arum, who once promoted Ali, said he was saddened by Frazier’s passing.
“He was such an inspirational guy. A decent guy. A man of his word,” Arum said. “I’m torn up by Joe dying at this relatively young age. I can’t say enough about Joe.”
Frazier’s death was announced in a statement by his family, who asked to be able to grieve privately and said they would announce “our father’s homecoming celebration” as soon as possible.
Manny Pacquiao learned of it shortly after he arrived in Las Vegas for his fight Saturday night with Juan Manuel Marquez. Like Frazier in his prime, Pacquiao has a powerful left hook that he has used in his remarkable run to stardom.
“Boxing lost a great champion, and the sport lost a great ambassador,” Pacquiao said.
Don King, who promoted the Thrilla in Manila, was described by a spokesman as too upset to talk about Frazier’s death.
Though slowed in his later years and his speech slurred by the toll of punches taken in the ring, Frazier was still active on the autograph circuit in the months before he died. In September he went to Las Vegas, where he signed autographs in the lobby of the MGM Grand shortly before Floyd Mayweather Jr.’s fight against Victor Ortiz.
An old friend, Gene Kilroy, visited with him and watched Frazier work the crowd.
“He was so nice to everybody,” Kilroy said. “He would say to each of them, `Joe Frazier, sharp as a razor, what’s your name?”’
Frazier was small for a heavyweight, weighing just 205 pounds when he won the title by stopping Jimmy Ellis in the fifth round of their 1970 fight at Madison Square Garden. But he fought every minute of every round going forward behind a vicious left hook, and there were few fighters who could withstand his constant pressure.
His reign as heavyweight champion lasted only four fights—including the win over Ali—before he ran into an even more fearsome slugger than himself. George Foreman responded to Frazier’s constant attack by dropping him three times in the first round and three more in the second before their 1973 fight in Jamaica was waved to a close and the world had a new heavyweight champion.
Two fights later, he met Ali in a rematch of their first fight, only this time the outcome was different. Ali won a 12-round decision, and later that year stopped George Foreman in the Rumble in the Jungle in Zaire.
There had to be a third fight, though, and what a fight it was. With Ali’s heavyweight title at stake, the two met in Manila in a fight that will long be seared in boxing history.
Frazier went after Ali round after round, landing his left hook with regularity as he made Ali backpedal around the ring. But Ali responded with left jabs and right hands that found their mark again and again. Even the intense heat inside the arena couldn’t stop the two as they fought every minute of every round with neither willing to concede the other one second of the round.
“They told me Joe Frazier was through,” Ali told Frazier at one point during the fight.
“They lied,” Frazier said, before hitting Ali with a left hook.
Finally, though, Frazier simply couldn’t see and Futch would not let him go out for the 15th round. Ali won the fight while on his stool, exhausted and contemplating himself whether to go on.
“It was unworldly what we had just seen,” Arum said. “Two men fighting one of the great wars of all time. It’s something I will never forget for all the years I have left.”
It was one of the greatest fights ever, but it took a toll. Frazier would fight only two more times, getting knocked out in a rematch with Foreman eight months later before coming back in 1981 for an ill advised fight with Jumbo Cummings.
“They should have both retired after the Manila fight,” former AP boxing writer Ed Schuyler Jr. said. “They left every bit of talent they had in the ring that day.”
Born in Beaufort, S.C., on Jan 12, 1944, Frazier took up boxing early after watching weekly fights on the black and white television on his family’s small farm. He was a top amateur for several years, and became the only American fighter to win a gold medal in the 1964 Olympics in Tokyo despite fighting in the final bout with an injured left thumb.
“Joe Frazier should be remembered as one of the greatest fighters of all time and a real man,” Arum told the AP in a telephone interview Monday night. “He’s a guy that stood up for himself. He didn’t compromise and always gave 100 percent in the ring. There was never a fight in the ring where Joe didn’t give 100 percent.”
After turning pro in 1965, Frazier quickly became known for his punching power, stopping his first 11 opponents. Within three years he was fighting world-class opposition and, in 1970, beat Ellis to win the heavyweight title that he would hold for more than two years.
A woman who answered Ellis’ phone in Kentucky said the former champion suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, but she wanted to pass along the family’s condolences.
In Philadelphia, a fellow Philadelphia fighter, longtime middleweight champion Bernard Hopkins, said Frazier was so big in the city that he should have his own statue, like the fictional Rocky character.
“I saw him at one of my car washes a few weeks ago. He was in a car, just hollering at us, ‘They’re trying to get me!’ That was his hi,” Hopkins said. “I’m glad I got to see him in the last couple of months. At the end of the day, I respect the man. I believe at the end of his life, he was fighting to get that respect.”
He was a fixture in Philadelphia where he trained fighters in a gym he owned and made a cameo in “Rocky.”
It was his fights with Ali that would define Frazier. Though Ali was gracious in defeat in the first fight, he was as vicious with his words as he was with his punches in promoting all three fights—and he never missed a chance to get a jab in at Frazier.
Frazier, who in his later years would have financial trouble and end up running a gym in his adopted hometown of Philadelphia, took the jabs personally. He felt Ali made fun of him by calling him names and said things that were not true just to get under his skin. Those feelings were only magnified as Ali went from being an icon in the ring to one of the most beloved people in the world.
After a trembling Ali lit the Olympic torch in 1996 in Atlanta, Frazier was asked by a reporter what he thought about it.
“They should have thrown him in,” Frazier responded.

He mellowed, though, in recent years, preferring to remember the good from his fights with Ali rather than the bad. Just before the 40th anniversary of his win over Ali earlier this year—a day Frazier celebrated with parties in New York—he said he no longer felt any bitterness toward Ali, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease and is mostly mute.

“I forgive him,” Frazier. “He’s in a bad way.”

Santa Fired

2011-11-07T20:04:00.001-05:00

Faced with the difficult task of balancing a budget in austere times, officials in New York's Suffolk County said on Friday they had no choice: they had to sack Santa Claus.

The county executive said he could not justify carving out $660 (411.37 pounds) from his $2.7 billion budget to pay David McKell, 83, a World War II veteran and former homicide detective, to don his Santa suit for the tenth year running and greet children on Long Island.

"How do you justify that expenditure when a health centre is losing money?" Steve Levy, the Suffolk County Executive, said in an interview.

He said that some 750 county employees were facing layoffs as a result of budget restraints, including what he described as a $20 million cut in state aid to the county's health system.

"Let either the private sector come forward with a donation, or, better yet, let's tap the volunteers in the community," he said.

Levy was quickly called a Grinch by his opponents.

"Do we really have to hold Santa Claus hostage to balance the budget?" said Bill Lindsay, a Democrat and the presiding officer of the county legislature.

"I mean, $600? Give me a break," Joseph Sawicki, a Republican who as county comptroller is charged with overseeing the county government's fiscal prudence, said in an interview. "There comes a point where you go overboard in terms of penny-pinching."

County officials said dozens of people had come forward offering to pay for Santa's services and Levy himself volunteered to don a Santa suit for a shift or two.

In the end, Steve Bellone, the current town supervisor of nearby Babylon, who is running as the Democratic candidate to succeed Levy, said he would pay for Santa.

Levy, who is not running for reelection, dismissed Bellone's gesture as "pure grandstanding", and said his office was investigating whether the check breached rules governing gifts to county agencies.

McKell, the Santa at the centre of the storm, said Bellone's check -- part of which would cover gas and other Santa expenses -- had resolved the matter.

"I wish him (Levy)a very merry Christmas and a happy new year," McKell said.

Happy Birthday Rebecca

2011-11-06T10:15:00.000-05:00

Tug Toner

2011-11-05T19:14:00.002-04:00

DOUGHNUTS

2011-11-04T08:43:00.000-04:00

CHENANGO, N.Y. (AP) - Authorities say one of the southbound lanes of an upstate New York interstate has reopened after a tractor-trailer hauling doughnuts overturned, spilling the baked goods across the highway.

Broome County Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Sienko (see-EN'-koh) says the driver fell asleep, causing the truck to hit a guardrail and roll over around 2:30 a.m. Friday in the town of Chenango (sheh-NAYNE'-goh), just north of Binghamton.

Police say the driver suffered minor injuries.

Sienko says "a lot of doughnuts" spilled when boxes split open, scattering the breakfast treats across the lanes of Interstate 81 and into the median.

He says the southbound lanes were closed for less than an hour. The left lane remains closed as highway crews repair the guardrail and remove the doughnuts and rig from the scene.

Oh so true

2011-11-03T21:08:00.001-04:00

$15,163 for underware

2011-11-02T20:32:00.000-04:00

Queen Victoria's underwear sold for record prices, but a four-poster bed in which actress Elizabeth Taylor celebrated her eighth honeymoon failed to set bidders at an Edinburgh auction on fire.

One of the world's biggest private collections of 19th century Victoriana, amassed by the U.S. Forbes Magazine publishing family, raised 2.2 million pounds in the one-day sale at the Lyon and Turnbull auction house in the Scottish capital late on Tuesday.

A pair of the late British monarch's monogrammed white silk stockings went for 4,200 pounds amid lively bidding, a pair of black and cream silk mourning stockings was bought for 3,400 pounds, and a framed pair of her silk bloomers brought 9,500 pounds. Lyon and Turnbull Vice-Chairman Paul Roberts said he believed these were record prices.

The top price of 420,000 pounds was paid for The Princess Chained to a Tree, an 1866 painting of a white-robed girl bound to a garden tree, by English artist Edward Coley Burne-Jones, who was closely associated with the latter stages of the pre-Raphaelite movement.

Roberts said there had been bids from around the world, with particular interest in the United States due to the Forbes connection and a fascination with the British royal family.

There had been early anticipation that a lavish Victorian four-poster bed in which the London-born Taylor, who died in Los Angeles last March, had spent her final honeymoon after wedding her seventh husband Larry Fortensky in 1991 (she married Richard Burton twice). But it sold for only 7,500 pounds, well below a predicted upper price of 12,000 pounds.

A wide range of Victoriana was on sale at the auction, ranging through paintings, including a number done by members of the royal family, furniture, houseware and memorabilia.

A renowned painting of Victoria astride her horse with her Scottish servant John Brown holding the reins went for a surprise 120,000 pounds, compared with an estimate of around 30,000. Victoria, whose relationship with Brown has caused comment over the years, commissioned it from a photograph to present to him on his 50th birthday.

Roberts said he believed the Edinburgh sale was successful because it had brought together items in a context in which they blended, including the Forbes family's connection with Scotland.

The founder of the Forbes Publishing house, Bertie, came from the Aberdeen area, worked as a journalist in South Africa during the Boer War and emigrated to the United States in 1903. In 1917 he founded Forbes Magazine which became the bedrock of the family fortune.

Happy Birthday Jenny

2011-11-01T21:51:00.001-04:00

Trick or Treat

2011-10-31T01:36:00.000-04:00

7 miles to catch a naked women

2011-10-30T07:30:00.000-04:00

Police in Ohio recently arrested a near-naked woman whose apparent need to reach speeds allegedly in excess of 120 mph left her wearing not much more than a set of stainless steel bracelets.
The events leading up to a high-speed chase occurred around 4 a.m. on Oct. 11. An officer was patrolling Route 422 in Bainbridge when he clocked 28-year-old Erin Holdsworth of Hiram, Ohio, driving her 2002 Mazda 626 at nearly twice the 65 mph speed limit. The officer attempted to make a traffic stop but Holdsworth refused to comply, according to Bainbridge Police Chief Jon Bokovitz.
"There was a pursuit of about seven miles," Bokovitz told The Huffington Post. "An officer from the [Geauga County] Sheriff's Office was in the area, and he put down stop sticks."
Both of the left tires on Holdsworth's vehicle were punctured by metal barbs on the tire-deflation device, forcing her to pull her disabled vehicle over to the side of the road. It was at that point that the routine stop took a bizarre turn.
"Well, she got out of her car on her own and she had on just a white thong and a fishnet top that was completely see-through," Bokovitz said. He added, "She was obviously under the influence."
"She was not very forthcoming on where she was coming from, what she was doing or why she was dressed the way she was," Bokovitz said.
Holdsworth allegedly refused to submit to a blood alcohol test, and Bokovitz said she appeared to be too inebriated for officers to conduct a field sobriety test with her. "She was so unsure on her feet that she probably would have fell and hurt herself," the chief said.
Despite refusing the test, Holdsworth was compliant with the arresting officer. It was not until they got her in the back of the patrol car that the stoic female allegedly became agitated, according to police.
Police footage of the arrest shows what appears to be an enraged and near-naked Holdsworth attempting to break out windows in the police cruiser. Bokovitz said Holdsworth "kicked and beat her head on the glass and everything."
Holdsworth was eventually brought under control and charged in Chardon Municipal Court with one count each of operating a vehicle while intoxicated, refusing a blood alcohol content test, fleeing and eluding, criminal damaging, driving under a suspended license, speeding and reckless operation.

Authorities did not file any charges in regard to Bokovitz's revealing clothing -- or the apparent lack thereof.
"In the state of Ohio [public nudity] has to be a willful wanton act, which in this case she wasn't really walking around or displaying herself to the public," Bokovitz said.
Holdsworth pleaded not guilty to all of the charges. She has since been freed from the Geauga County Safety Center. Holdsworth is due back in court on November 2. Attempts to reach Holdsworth were unsuccessful and it is unclear whether she has an attorney.
"It is a unique case," Bokovitz said. "We don't know where she was in the state of dress she was in. It is kind of weird but you see a lot of stuff out here doing this job."

Happy Bday Twinkie

2011-10-28T05:18:00.000-04:00

Barbie Tattooed

2011-10-27T05:29:00.000-04:00

With pink hair and tattoos across her shoulders and neck, U.S. toymaker Mattel's latest collector's edition Barbie doll could be compared more to the edgy female heroine of author Stieg Larrson's best-selling Millennium trilogy than to the more traditional Barbies.

Since its release earlier this month online, the $50 (31 pound) limited edition doll designed by Los Angeles-based fashion company tokidoki and aimed at adult collectors, has sold out but not before causing controversy.

"Is the New 'Tokidoki' Tattoo Barbie Inappropriate for Children?" the magazine U.S. News & World Report asked in a recent headline.

Some parents in the United States also questioned whether the toy company that launched the original Barbie in 1959 should be promoting body art.

"It's teaching kids to want tattoos before they are old enough to dress like that," Kevin Buckner, of Virginia, told a local television station.

No one was available from Mattel to comment on the issue but not all the feedback has been negative. Some adults said the doll reflected modern fashion and pop culture.

"Have you seen Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, Katy Perry, Rihanna?" Candace Caswell, a 30-year-old mother from New York asked in an email interview, adding that the pop stars have tattoos and wear wigs and crazy clothes.

"They are capturing a snapshot of pop culture the way it really is. Barbie is not raising my daughter. I am," she added.

For Heather Gately Stoll, of Colorado, tattoos are not the issue.

"What is inappropriate for kids are her measurements," she said about the shapely doll. "If she can change personalities why can't she change her shape and size?"
And while New York mother Sue Dennis would not spend $50 on the doll, she is not offended by it.
"I have a 16 month-old son and the tokidoki Barbie is more the diverse image of women I would like to present to him versus more traditional ones," she said.
The tokidoki Barbie is not the first to sport tattoos. In 2009, some stores pulled Mattel's Totally Stylin' Tattoos Barbie following complaints, and a year earlier Mattel collaborated with motorcycle manufacturer Harley Davidson to produce a Barbie with wings tattooed on her back.
Production of tattooed Butterfly Art Barbie was halted in 1999 after parents voiced their concerns.
Gayatri Bhalla, 41, of Washington D.C, who writes a blog about experiences for tween girls, sees it as a marketing issue.
"One the one hand, the company likes to hold Barbie up as the iconic American toy for girls and use her to promote things that most parents wouldn't object to, such as Take Your Daughter To Work Day," she said.

"But they also create Barbie in images that a lot of parents wouldn't choose to hold up as a role model for their young daughters, and a full-body tattooed doll falls into this camp."

The Youtube Insult Generator

2011-10-26T07:30:00.001-04:00

Simply enter a search term and this website will search YouTube comments on videos related to that search term and give you the best (worst?) insulting comments from said videos. Or something like that.