Isn't it frustrating when your sex toy no longer meets your needs? One US couple thought so. Instead of taking the logical step of upgrading to the next, speedier model, they decided to attach a power tool to the toy. Needless to say, an ambulance was needed (both survived) and their story made headlines around the world.
Author Gina McKinnon knows a thing or two about sex games going wrong. She spent four months researching more than 1,000 stories involving overactive libidos, including an electrician from Redditch who was arrested for having sex with a pavement (erm, how?) to a young woman who thought Donald Duck was sending her love vibes via her neighbour's satellite dish. She admits: 'It was fun in the beginning but I soon started feeling a little bit mucky.'
One of her discoveries would even give our gormless US couple a run for their money. Polish housewife Joanna Kozlowska invented her own DIY sex toy with a hand-held electric food mixer; 'I imagine for the vibration,' says McKinnon. 'She then decided to use it in the bath and, obviously, electrocuted herself - then blamed it on her husband for not meeting her needs.' Quite.
McKinnon, who has put her findings into a book, "1001 Ridiculous Sexual Misadventures", says it is difficult to have favourites but, just for us, she has picked out a few.
Australian Betty Wilson was used to setting off for work and leaving her partner tied up, sometimes for up to ten hours - but it all went horribly wrong when she tied him to a lamp post with rope and tape. She finished off her handiwork by gagging him, then nipped indoors for a quick shower. The poor man suffocated within minutes and Wilson was convicted of manslaughter after the jury at Brisbane supreme court heard she used bulldog clips and a slap to revive him. She was quoted as saying: 'I told the f***ing idiot he wouldn't get out of this one.' There are many question marks hanging over this story but we can only answer a few of them for you. Erm, why the lamp post? Katherine Gates, author of "Deviant Desires", a book about unusual sex, explains: 'Being tied up outside adds an element of humiliation or exhibitionism to a game of bondage. Both are very common turn-ons,' she explains.
She also adds a cautionary word of advice for anyone thinking of indulging in similar play: 'An experienced top (dom) would never leave their bottom (sub) tied up and unattended, especially with a gag. Anyone who wishes to play these sorts of games should consider taking a course in rope-tying.' Indeed.
Most people who indulge in an extramarital affair recognise that discretion is key to not being caught. Not Florian Neuz and Steffi Klose. They decided the best place to have sex should be the boot of Neuz's car while parked on the hard shoulder of the autobahn. The boot slammed shut and Klose was forced to call the police. Luckily she had kept her mobile on her as she was expecting a call from her husband.
Dr Luisa Dillner, author of "Love By Numbers", says there is lots of research on infidelity and it is thought between a quarter and half of all men and women will have an affair. 'Although some surveys count oral sex as infidelity, others count just intercourse,' she explains.
How often do we get caught out? 'A survey by MSNBC says just six per cent of people admit to having an affair, so unless you find proof, a simple "did you do it?" won't work. The MSNBC survey found most affairs only lasted six months, so you can see how you might blink and miss it.'
What could go wrong with acting out a scene from a porn film that involves naked hitchhikers? Brit Louise Malcolm certainly didn't count on her boyfriend falling asleep after she stripped and waited by the roadside for him to pick her up. She later learned he watched the film one last time and fell into a deep slumber, leaving her shivering in the dark for three long hours until the police picked her up.
Dillner says Durex completed a study in 2007 on fantasises and of the 26,000 people they questioned worldwide, one third acted out their favourite thrills.
But what of fantasises going wrong? Such events aren't typically recorded: 'There are no figures but I can say that anything involving sex with more than one person at a time will often end in tears,' she explains. 'Also likely to go wrong is sex at work, in a lift or simply anything you don't want to do.'
"1001 Ridiculous Sexual Misadventures" (Prion Books).
* In June 2008, an Italian couple were cautioned for obscene acts in public and disturbing a religious function. Their crime? Oral sex in a confession box of the Cesena cathedral (pictured) during mass. And their excuse? 'We are atheists. Having sex in church is like having sex in any other place.'
* An Oklahoma police chief was forced to resign in 2006 after complaints that his wife Doris posted photos of herself on adult websites. He said: 'My wife is six foot three and weighs 300 pounds. If there is somebody that thinks they can control her, have a go. I have tried for 11 years.'
1 comment:
Anonymous is 5'1" tall and likes to be controlled and dominated by 6' 300lb women.
He's the police chief...just shoot her.
Post a Comment