BOOBS

Just The Facts

Boobs can either a) help you get a job/promoted or b) make the workplace more tolerable for the rest of us.
Boobs are often successfully used in place of a coherent plot or acting in movies to create a great film.
The power of boobs should not be underestimated.

Cracked on Boobs

From the Dawn of Time, boobs have been shaping history - destroying careers, crippling world powers. Many men have been nearly destroyed by these orbs of power:

And here's a PG-13 tour of the reasons why:

Reason 1: The Side Boob.

Reason 2: The Underboob.

Reason 3: Cleavage.

The Boobs FAQ

Q: What Can Women Do If They Want This Power, But Are Weak in the Ways of the Boob?

A: The Pushup.

Or, if you are rich and famous, you can have your boobs enhanced with CGI. See Cracked article: CGI Boobs: 7 Special Effects The Stars Want to Keep Secret.

Is there anything else to boobs other than the Sideboob, Underboob, and Cleavage?

A: Yes. The center of the Boob is the source of its power. It is so powerful in fact that society does not permit its public display for fear of wide spread anarchy, and mass headsplosions. So here are some things that look sort of like the center of the boob:

Pictured above: San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant. Powerful.

Q: I heard something bad happens to Gremlins when they get wet. Is the same true for Boobs?

A: Yes and no. They triple or quadruple in power, so this can be a good or a bad thing.

Exhibit 1: Regular non-wet boobs:

Exhibit 2: Supercharged, wet boobs:

What Happens to Boobs When They Get Older?

A: It's horrible. Much like the end of The Giving Tree, Boobs, after providing so many years of thoughtless service, just become completely useless at the end of their life cycle. They become like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas. You can't help but looking at them and thinking, "He was getting front row seats at clubs, and now look at him. Disgusting."

It looks like it would be hard for girls with large boobs to play sports. Is this true?

A. Utter nonsense. See for yourself:

Q: What are Boobs' other powers?

A. Boobs can lighten up a woman's whole appearance. They can make the sun come out when it is raining. They can make a woman smarter and funnier and more interesting.

If you look long enough, you'll realize that she's actually quite ugly.

Famous People Whose Careers Were Built By Boobs

1. Britney Spears

Google Image Search Random Words That Will Return Pictures of Boobs (Safe Search Off)

See Cracked article: 9 Innocent Google Searches That Get Porn on the First Page.

Here are some more:

1. Football (page 3)

2. Bacon (second picture)

3. Manual Override (page 2)

Conclusion

Boobs are nature's masterpiece, perfect in shape and design. As beautiful as they are powerful. All it takes is something that looks like a boobs to unleash their power.

Somewhere a bear is masturbating.