PERSONAL ADS

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

* 40-ish...................................49.
* Adventurous...........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic................................No breasts.
* Average looking.....................Moooo.
* Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure...................On medication.
* Feminist...............................Fat.
* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.
* Friendship first.....................Former Slut.
* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned.......................No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.........................Desperate.
* Outgoing...............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional............................Witch.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate........................Stalker

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes.....................................No
* No.......................................Yes
* Maybe.................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry..............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset.....................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry............................I am hungry
* I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
* I am tired..............................I am tired
* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
* I love you...............................Let's have sex now
* I am bored..............................Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?...................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.